help for a forum member

by jeremiah18:5-10 19 Replies latest social family

  • clarity

    Frowned Upon ... well just to let you know we value "lurkers" here! (silly name but...)


    I just gave a fresh shout out to you all on the NEWBIE List yesterday!


    First of all welcome to this place is a little weird sometimes,

    but it is a good weird!


    I agree with all the helpful words you have been given ...except...


    "Display happiness and contentment with where you are in your life.

    Express how well everything is going"


    Now this is excellent advise ....but only if you are very sincere & mean it!


    Otherwise, to me it feels too watchtowery ... "jehovah's happy people" thing!


    Be sincere yourself,... laugh & have fun!


    Life is too short to worry about everything!


  • clarity
  • nonjwspouse

    frowned upon,

    I learned the hard way to focus as much as possible on the GOOD happenings in the news media. I seek them out. I find good stories, good statistics, positive research papers. etc etc. I find credible reports about the decline in crime, no increase in earthquakes. and on and on.. I try my BEST never to speak in the negative about the goings on in the world around me. I am about to cancel the cable TV for this very reason. The negative fuels my husbands "this must be more signs of the end" stuff he is fed.

    I focus on planning goals of our family for the future ( home, garden, physical excersize for health, changing diet habits, having a regular family outing, planning regular visits to family members far away that we have not seen on too long....etc.etc... . Celebrate the steps completed. All of this is contrary to the JW mindset of the KM activities.

    When my husband is in the room, I make sure the news is turned off, and DIY or something similer is on. I believe this is helping.

  • rebel8

    Have ready several news stories to discuss, that focus on the beautiful things about human nature, kindness, etc.

    When someone brings up something you don't want to talk about, just abruptly switch topics and talk really fast until they forgot what they wanted to talk about in the first place.

    Or go for broke and say, "Oh did you see the videos on for the deaf? They are totally phenomenal, and cover such current and important topics such as masturbation." They'll go home and look it up, and be embarrassed at what a bizarre, sick org they are in.

  • JWdaughter

    Think strategically when dealing with people who wish to harm or manipulate you. Be one step ahead. DO NOT LET THEM GET UNDER YOUR SKIN!!!

  • bsmart

    It's a wedding so diverting attention to the "happy couple" would be good.

    Ask lots of questions, try to see if you can find the next fader in the room. Ask about the missing friends and get the gossip. In general let them know if you are involved in a hobby you like or what issues intrest you lately. Like Jgnat said keep moving.

  • smiddy

    I couldnt offer any more advice than whats already been given except to say welcome and enjoy TTATT .


  • problemaddict

    So here is my thought. Since the wedding was already attended (was it?), are we not in kind of a damage control situation? If he went home for the wedding, do they know of his fade?

    The advise given is key. You really have to let the nerves go. Redirect the conversation. Stay at the "higher level". In board rooms and corporate settings, high level operations take place almost on a different wavelength as the rest of the company. You need to operate at that higher level. Maintain control. Be happy and be yourself. Seeing family, and going to a wedding shouldn't be a chore. in fact, pretend it isnt!

    It will take time and seeing out your own personal motives and circumstances to decide how to proceed and what is best. it gets better. it gets easier. Always take the high road. Always express love and show kindness. You can't go wrong.

  • jeremiah18:5-10

    Thanks for the comments so far. I expect frowned upon will express his appreciation soon and hopefully his story. I think the actual wedding is today. Also his parents and family know he has doubts and has stopped attending, but hold out hope for him, thus the love bombarding, and intense pressure while they have him in a controlled environment.

  • Narcissistic Supply
    Narcissistic Supply

    Be strong. Grow a pair. Get away from these people. Do what you love. Love what you do. Help as many people as you can. Live your gifts.

    It's all a real estate laudering corporation with a religious facade.


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