How does one Disassociate oneself? (page 2)

lv4fer

I was hoping to just fade and go away. I am having a problem because of one close friend of my daughters whose mother is also my good friend. My family and I would just like to leave it (the borg) all behind us, but our friends want explanations, why aren't we at the meetings/service/assembly etc. I am not a liar. I'm lousy at it even if I wanted to lie. I'm busy just doesn't cut it anymore. We were a very active family until about 6 to 9 months ago. I told my friend on the phone this weekend how I felt about things, so I know she is going to talk to the elders (because that is the loving thing to do!) We just don't want to go to meetings and we don't want to pretend we are interested etc. It is sad we had some good friends.

Thank you for your support and answers, I guess you guys are right it is leaving on their terms. But I hate the idea of them df me. I can handle DA because that is in a sense saying I don't want anything to do with you guys anymore.

"The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself."

Rita Mae Brown

Amazing

Give them nothing in writing or orally. Simply walk away. You can fade by being extremely careful to say or do nothing on which they might use against you ... and you also need to avoid the Elders at all costs until the day comes that they forget about you. This will happen sooner if you live in an area where Elders move in and out, so that in time the newer Elders will not think about you.

If they level charges, and you want to deal with it, get an attorney, otherwise, let it go, do nothing ... give no letters as this plays their game by their rules ... a total repudiation of their religion is to do nothing ... and do not honor any shunning ... threat their religion as though they do not exist.

I played this out for 6 long years ... prolonging my DA for about 3 years ... it gained me nothing but a lot of documentation that is only useful in these kinds of discussions ... but other than that, it was all a waste of time.

LDH

I am not a liar.

It's not a lie. It's Theocratic War Strategy.

Tell them, You will talk to them about it when the time is right for you. PERIOD.

Lisa
Zanex and I are doing lunch next week. Wanna join us?

Mulan

I would never disassociate myself for the reasons already stated here. I will NOT play on their terms. They would like nothing better than to be able to make that announcement. I know it would make life easier for all of them, but I won't be a part of making anything easy for them. I prefer to let them wonder, and to laugh in their faces when they shun me. They feel uncomfortable, but I don't. It's always a public situation too, and if they think they are making a statement, they are. That they are fools and behave in a ridiculous manner.

They could probably disfellowship us but they never confront us. I would just tell them my versions anyway. As LDH said, Theocratic War Strategy. I can play that game too!

Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers

Beans

Well I just left but many have written letters and it has come back to haunt them. Do the VERBAL!

Beans

Deleted

I agree with Amazing. We have been out almost 4 years. We just left and said very little formally. The SO even lives 2 doors away. I wrote my DA letter but never sent it - it was quite cathartic, and I had it available just in case I needed to get the first punch in. After it is all said and done, why play their game?

Peace

Glen who once was Deleted

All along, the Watchtower
Told a pack of lies
Only broken promises
So much wasted time

lv4fer

The congregation we go to is pretty small. It's a very small town. We were pretty active attended all meeting always regular in service for the past 12 years. I was irregular at meeting attendance for a few months and about 4 months ago I just stopped completely. We had book study at my house until 5 months ago. I don't think they are going to just forget about us. Most will there are just a few people that are close with my kids that won't let the fade thing happen, unfortunately the little girl who is my daughters friend is an Elder and a very vocal one!!! I have been trying to fade for about 4 months and I've gotten several visits and phone calls from various ones in the cong.

My daughter said I sugar coated it the other day when my friend asked if she would see me at the circuit assembly this coming weekend. I said I wasn't sure if we'd be there or not. If I said no she'd want to know why if I said yes she'd be expecting me to be there.

It's kind of funny, at first the kids were very upset when I expressed my change in beliefs and that I wasn't going anymore, now it's like ok let's be done with them. I don't think they realize the effect it could have on their lives.

"The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself."

Rita Mae Brown

LDH

I *KNOW* you don't want me to have to make a trip just to kick some elder ass. (Even if it's a short trip, LOL)

SERIOUSLY if you want me there say so.

Lisa

Sunspot

"I don't think they are going to just forget about us."

I'm afraid you're right, Hon.

"my friend asked if she would see me at the circuit assembly this coming weekend. I said I wasn't sure if we'd be there or not. If I said no she'd want to know why if I said yes she'd be expecting me to be there."

And this type of questioning will go on and on and on (three times for emphasis) if you just try to "fade away".....you'll always feel as if you have to "make an accounting" for WHY you weren't HERE and HOW COME you weren't THERE as "expected". I hated the thought of those "squirmy" feelings whenever I was asked, and then having to sound credible as I answered.....UGH!! I'm not a liar by nature either, and never did it well......my kids used to tell me never to get a job with the CIA...LOL!

Above all, to thine own self be true...damned if I know who said that---but it speaks volumes.

Examine YOUR circumstances, YOUR needs as a family, and let the decision BE yours! I know your dilemma,I know it stinks, and I have sent mental hugs to you all day, cuz you've been in my thoughts....

hugs,

Annie

dungbeetle

Yes they will forget about you, just give them some time. It may be a small town, but the Watchter revolving door is incredible and they WILL forget about you.

If you plan on breaking their rules in some way---decorate the house for Christmas or go to another churc--that may be a different story. Then they will DA you. In that case, what you can do now is check out other people's DA letters and write your own in advance, put it in a safe place. Pull it out from time to time and update it. I thought about doing a DA letter myself, maybe I will. It IS very cathartic I'm told.

How does one Disassociate oneself?

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