bad manic episode-went to hospital

by love2Bworldly 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • love2Bworldly

    Hi-- for those of you who struggle with bipolar & depression, just wanted to share my experiences. I had a major manic episode last month and spent a week in a phsyciatric hospital, what an experience that was! Not fun. I was diagnosed several years ago but didn't really take it seriously until now. I was taking natural lithium but it wasn't working, and I didn't listen to my body and got too stressed out.

    I had hallucinations and everything, it was the most horrible experience of my life. I am on medication now, which I will defintely take for the rest of my life. Although I am SO disgusted with Kaiser right now. They put me on Depakote at the hospital and when I went to renew it yesterday, Kaiser rang it up at the cash register and whoops, Kaiser doesn't cover Depakote-- WTF??? After the horrible experience I had in their emergency room before I was admitted, and leaving messages and not getting return calls from my doctor, I am changing health plans January 1st for open enrollment.

    Wish me luck everyone with my new health plan, I am a little nervous about having all new doctors. I am already set up with a doctor in January for both my family doctor and my physicatrist.

    I want to eventually write a book about my experiences to help others cope with mental illness. I am so thankful that I have a husband who really loves me and takes good care of me, and that my kids are grown so I can concentrate on taking care of me. I just started going to a 5 week long workshop to help me learn how to take better care of my bipolar crap, so I am excited about that. I just want to get well and stay well. My biggest issue is that I need to learn to say "NO" to my husband when I am feeling overwhelmed and stop being codependent; and I need to relax, enjoy the little things in life and work on not feeling guilty every minute of every day. Feeling guilty is really hard for me, especially if I watch the news and see people suffering like in the Philipines. I have to stop worrying about how other people are feeling and worry about me, even though it sounds selfish and makes me feel like I'm being selfish. But I am the one who lives in my head, not other people.

    Sometimes it feels really lonely being bipolar. I am hiding it from my coworkers, everyone thinks I have been out with a bad back except my boss. I work in a large office of catty/gossipy people. And because my siblings are all really sick, they are toxic to me and I have cut them out of my life for my emotional well being because they are mean.

    Anyway, just wanted to reach out to any here who care to share about their experiences with mental illness. Being a Jdumb made my life hell because it involved a lot of feeling guilty/inadequate/not good enough-- so happy I have healed from that garbage.

  • whathappened

    I have family members who suffer from bipolar disorder. It can take over your life and make a mess of it very quickly. Wish there was an easy answer for these problems.

  • cofty

    I'm glad to hear you have got over that episode and have a plan to manage it for the future. Wishing you well.

  • Hortensia

    Hang in there -- it sounds as though you are getting a handle on it. Bipolar disorder is difficult - I used to live with someone who was bipolar. He would talk himself out of taking his meds once he starting feeling better, and then the cycle would start again. I'm so glad you see the need to stay on your meds.

  • adamah

    Great that you're out of the JWs, as the fantasy game that JWs play (belief in Gods and demons, the constant ego self-abuse which the Bible requires, etc) is absolutely toxic for those struggling with challenges such as yours.

    Damn straight that you have to protect yourself from toxic and dysfunction: sometimes that shunning thing is actually warranted from your end, and not such a bad thing.

    You also mentioned taking "natural lithium", which sounds highly suspect as self-medicating: big mistake for many, since BPD is not a condition that should be messed around with.

    Anyway, keep well (and make sure to keep up on getting restful sleep, as sleep deprivation is a common trigger!), and here's sending some positive vibes your way...


  • jgnat

    Hi, love2b. My mother is bi-polar and as a loved-one watching from the outside in, I think lithium is a god-send. I am sorry you didn't have a better experience at the hospital. Here, they try to make those short stays as pleasant as possible, so if patients ever do have another serious episode, they won't hesitate to admit themselves to get sorted out.

  • adamah

    FWIW, it looks like the health foods industry sells alternative treatments for BPD as a "dietary supplement", in the form of "natural lithium" (AKA lithium oroate)

    Scary, since there's no guarantee of the ingredients found inside being what they say, or any clinical efficacy proven to back any of the claims, since the FDA has been weakened as a result of past rounds of deregulation which allows the health food industry to openly sell treatments for conditions.


  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I experienced something similar with diabetes supps. A website claimed its expensive garbage cured diabetes.There is no cure with pres cription drugs or supplements. I reported the owner to federal and state law enforcement

    I also sent an email stating that other supp sellers sexed up their vague claims. Where were the references proving the assertions. He weaeled out immediately.

    I feel I don't have the background to evaluate supps so I rely on med doctors. These scum prey on fears and ignorance

    He belonged in a prison cell.

    Well, now you know. This could be the first step in an abundant life.

  • LisaRose

    I am sorry you had to go through this, but I am glad you are doing better. I go through a seasonal depression every year, it's the pits, I can't even imagine what bipolar must be like. It's hitting me harder this year. I am also lucky to have a supportive spouse, but I don't like to burden him with every thing.

    Any who, I hope this works for you, and good luck with the insurance change, I know how stressful that can be. I have heard good things about Kaiser, but it doesn't work for everyone. Let us know how things go.

  • jgnat

    LisaRose, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is abundant this far north. Have you tried the natural cure; a sunlight lamp for an hour or two at rising?

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