Hi-- for those of you who struggle with bipolar & depression, just wanted to share my experiences. I had a major manic episode last month and spent a week in a phsyciatric hospital, what an experience that was! Not fun. I was diagnosed several years ago but didn't really take it seriously until now. I was taking natural lithium but it wasn't working, and I didn't listen to my body and got too stressed out.
I had hallucinations and everything, it was the most horrible experience of my life. I am on medication now, which I will defintely take for the rest of my life. Although I am SO disgusted with Kaiser right now. They put me on Depakote at the hospital and when I went to renew it yesterday, Kaiser rang it up at the cash register and whoops, Kaiser doesn't cover Depakote-- WTF??? After the horrible experience I had in their emergency room before I was admitted, and leaving messages and not getting return calls from my doctor, I am changing health plans January 1st for open enrollment.
Wish me luck everyone with my new health plan, I am a little nervous about having all new doctors. I am already set up with a doctor in January for both my family doctor and my physicatrist.
I want to eventually write a book about my experiences to help others cope with mental illness. I am so thankful that I have a husband who really loves me and takes good care of me, and that my kids are grown so I can concentrate on taking care of me. I just started going to a 5 week long workshop to help me learn how to take better care of my bipolar crap, so I am excited about that. I just want to get well and stay well. My biggest issue is that I need to learn to say "NO" to my husband when I am feeling overwhelmed and stop being codependent; and I need to relax, enjoy the little things in life and work on not feeling guilty every minute of every day. Feeling guilty is really hard for me, especially if I watch the news and see people suffering like in the Philipines. I have to stop worrying about how other people are feeling and worry about me, even though it sounds selfish and makes me feel like I'm being selfish. But I am the one who lives in my head, not other people.
Sometimes it feels really lonely being bipolar. I am hiding it from my coworkers, everyone thinks I have been out with a bad back except my boss. I work in a large office of catty/gossipy people. And because my siblings are all really sick, they are toxic to me and I have cut them out of my life for my emotional well being because they are mean.
Anyway, just wanted to reach out to any here who care to share about their experiences with mental illness. Being a Jdumb made my life hell because it involved a lot of feeling guilty/inadequate/not good enough-- so happy I have healed from that garbage.