Did U find Sheperding Calls rude?

by Reborn2002 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Reborn2002

    Reading the LB thread "Home but Hiding" struck a chord with me.

    I remember when I was inactive for the period of about a year the elders made a few "sheperding calls".

    Did anyone else out there find these very rude and condescending?

    First of all, in my case at least they always showed up unannounced. How much do you think those "hell-ders" would like it if someone randomly dropped by their house unexpected?

    On top of that, to then expect the person being "sheperded" to drop whatever they are doing so they can listen to the elder "sheperding the flock" quote Bible scriptures to them, tell them what they are doing wrong in their life, pass judgement, and in the meantime take up an hour or more of the person's time.

    Boy, for being "loving sheperds" they sure lacked the simplest of manners.

    For example, while inactive I had an experience when I was in my parent's front yard planting flowers in the afternoon.

    Brother D and Brother S pulled up unexpectedly in my driveway and smile at me, get out of the car and walk over while I am in the middle of working. You are damned if you do and damned if you dont here. They ask me if I have a minute, initially, I said no I was busy.
    Brother S says "Your too busy to discuss God's Word? Since when did you get too busy for Jehovah's work?" Brother D nods in agreement. Why send two? Feels like they are ganging up on you.

    Somehow I get the feeling if I had said no I wasn't busy they would have barreled right into their speech anyway.

    To make a long story short, they asked what I was doing, why I wasn't attending the Hall, that they "missed" me, that they "needed" me in the congregation.. a "young, strapping brother could take the lead" etc etc.

    I answered some questions, but was evasive on others.

    Thinking on it after they left, something clicked.

    If they missed me so..why no phone calls or social activities prior to that? I see it now, but being a good little Dub is the condition to be accepted by anyone.

    Elders can be very subtly condescending.

    Any similar experiences to share?

    It is not religious persecution for an informed person to expose publicly a certain religion as being false, thus allowing persons to see the difference between false religion and true religion.
    WT 11/15/1963 page 688 paragraph 3

  • alliwannadoislive

    hey reborn - my feelings too - why in hell don't they pick up the phone and ask for permission to call - like normal people would ?

    i haven't associated for five years and went ahead and disassociated a few months back - i STILL get calls at my door, just never answer the door to them - if they picked up the phone and called me i'd happily speak to them

    i guess the thing is, it's the system of the borganisation rather than the people in it that is at fault - control, control, control ... just like any other international corporate organisation with stuff to sell - however my product loyalty is too precious to waste on them ...

  • expatbrit

    I've had two very brief episodes since fading away a year and a half ago.

    On the first occasion, an elder hung around in his car outside the house on Saturday morning until he saw me in the driveway, then gave me a hearty hail and "how are you?" He then stood awkwardly in the garage trying to make conversation while I replied with unhelpful monosyllables. After a nasty five minutes about the weather and "how's work?" stuff, he invited me to the Sunday meeting and retreated.

    Secondly, my wife came home from the meeting and informed me that her BS conductor wanted to drop by for a shepherding call. I just said no, and that was that.

    The bottom line with these people is that the only power or influence they have is that which you give them. If I am busy, or working, and they show up, I will neither stop for them or talk to them. If you confront them with chilly silence, what can they do, for all their arrogance and condescension?


  • Satanus

    Back in the seventies, when i was a gungho ms, an elder said he wanted to drop by for a 'chat'. I was a bit nervous. He sold me life insurance. What a scammer!! His name is joe zazula, edmonton, alberta, canada, for all you life insurance needs. I think he is most likely dead by now. I'm alive.


  • Valis

    I got two calls after I left. The first was News Years day about 3PM, they woke me up, I told them to go away as I was sleeping. They left.

    The last time they ever came to my house was after a rather rowdy party. I let them in to see the fifteen or so drunk and sleeping skaters all over the floor, not to mention all the empty beer cans-whiskey bottles. Needless to say they never came back. I never was DFd or DAd though. They must have approved.


    District Overbeer

  • Angst


    that sounds just like the party that I had at Bethel and was kicked out for...because a little bitchy narc night watchmen felt spritually concerned to inform on us...I'd have paid good money to kick that kids ass all the way to manhattan.

    Course I'm happy to be gone now!!!

  • LB
    If they missed me so..why no phone calls or social activities prior to that?

    My standard answer when a witness tells me they miss me is oh come on (smile here) if you really missed me you would have called. I haven't moved or changed my number

    They always get an uncomfortable look on their face and at this point I smile again and ask them how so and so is doing. I can't recall the last time one has told me they miss me. I think they've either stopped missing me or they've gotten wise to what I'll say.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • Scully

    I got a "shepherding call" once when I was 16.

    I had the measles and was sick for 3 weeks, and consequently had to miss the Memorial because I was contagious.

    The day after the Memorial, the CO (who was visiting our congregation that week), paid a visit to see me. He had heard that I had the measles and thought it was odd because people who had been vaccinated during childhood (which I was) were not supposed to get these childhood illnesses. He voiced that skepticism at the meeting when my parents were overheard telling friends why I was absent from the Memorial.

    Anyway, one look at me - I had red spots from head to toe - and there was no way he could argue. I could almost see the wind coming out of his sails as the guilt trip he had prepared for my benefit came up against a perfectly valid reason for not attending a meeting.

    By the way, it was 1980 and was the first wave of young adults contracting measles after having been vaccinated as children. It's common practice now to vaccinate children at 18 months and then give them a booster when they're 7 years of age.

    Love, Scully

  • Matty

    Thats just awful Scully, why are some people like this? Why do they feel the need to score points off their brothers and sisters?!

  • target

    The elders in the congregation we attended did ask firt if they could come but after a couple of these "visits" my husband told them right out that they could no longer come over, that we were not accepting anymore visits.
    My husband never did much in the "Truth" but he did fall into having a Bible study with a man he worked with. When the elders came over, instead of commending him on the study, they told him he did not have enough field service hours compared to the study hours. He took care of that. He dropped the study.
    Then they came over to tell us that our tall, skinny 16 year old son's suits were too loose. And the one said that the double breasted was not theocratic and the other one piped up to say he didn't like the ties either. My but that was upbuilding! The kid changed congregations, where by the way, the elders commended him on how he dressed, and we refused all further visits.
    Such arrogant assholes!


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