JW Apolgist rant here...and confession.

by Julia Orwell 38 Replies latest jw friends

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  Julia Orwell

  I really don't like people disparaging active JWs on this site by calling them stupid, idiots, morons and that, and making out like they're willing puppets to the GB or cruel at heart. Or describing them like they're puke or as having no desire to learn or listen.

  To you, all these things may be true. We all have opinions and are entitled to them. But the point I should like to make is that we were all like that once. We were judgemental and uncritical in our thinking. All those disparaging comments WERE us at one point. We were stupid, idiots, morons, puppets, yes-men, swallowers of doctrine once, so I don't think we should openly disparage JWs. Some of course are deliberately ignorant, but I find that most, even the ones that may shun us, are victims too. We have been able to put two and two together, develop critical thinking ability, learned humilty, been born again as human beings, so they can too. When you look at them, remember you are looking at what you yourself were like 5, 10, 15-whatever years ago.

  I confess I've been a judgemental bitch. I confess I've shunned friends. I confess I've unfriended JWs whose Facebook pictures looked 'worldly'. I confess I've rejoiced at the idea of certain people being killed by God. I danced with the devil and signed his book, and denounced Goody Proctor too. I've been less than human many times and am heartily ashamed of some of the things I did, thought and said as a JW. I can't excuse it but I can give a good reason: my mind and heart were captive. Sometimes that was not necessarily a bad thing. Being a JW taught me honesty and self control I didn't have before I converted. I still have good habits from that time, but Hitler made the trains run on time...

  I've done some twisted things as a JW and I know I didn't do them because I was a cruel person or liked to exert power over others or revel in self-righteousness. I did those things because my brain had been torn apart and rebuilt to believe those things were what god wanted me to do. I look back and see a good person struggling to do what she thought was right. Maybe the people who ran Auschwitz looked back on themselves the same way. Of course that doesn't excuse them, or me, but it gives me understanding of why JWs do the things they do.

  They are, what we all once were.
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  Antioch

  Really good plea. Thanks for the kind reminder. Much love to you.
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  problemaddict

  I confess that I felt better than other people at times. I liked the limelight of the stage and people telling me how smart and what a great brother i was. I didn't really have any form of serious charity. I treated disfellowshipped people poorly, and if someone was challenging in the ministry, I was an ass. I made excuses for my own behavior while condemning others. I looked down on anyone who left the organization.

  I used the word "apostate".......freely.

  I regret those things and do them no longer. I try to make sure the kind of man I am moving forward is better than the man I was, and that my son will be an even better one because of the mistakes and lessons his father learned.

  I still can't celebrate Christmas. I mean.......come on right?
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  Shanagirl

  Julia,

  I do agree with you. I was in that cult for many years, raised my children in the KH, had many freindships within and never thought I would ever loose these fiiends. Our home was always open to everyone, bethelites, travelling overseers, families, many happy times and dinners and barbeques around the pool. For this reason it is ignorant and unfair and mean spiritied to call them names. But one thing is for me is that I know I left to keep my integrity and continue following Christian principles. I couldn't do that while being in that cult. It went against that inner voice within me that said "this is just so wrong and unhealhy spiritually and emotionally to continue on in the relgion. And so for the health of myself and my family we got out our we would have died.

  Oh and Christmas is an awesome holiday to celebrate.

  Shana
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  adamah

  Great sentiments, Julia, and that's part of the process of growing as a person, well beyond the WT's cruel policy of forced shunning of others: owning up to past harms we've inflicted on others by simply following orders, even though the actions may have been done with the best intentions, even though we knew it wasn't necessarily so (cynically, we told ourselves a series of post-hoc rationalizations to try and convince ourselves that what we did wasn't wrong, when we knew better).

  You recognized it was wrong, and are able to move forward and grow.... That's all any of us can do, and try to make tomorrow better than today.

  Adam
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  Julia Orwell

  That's so true guys. I've been wanting to confess for a while. I have apologised to my non-JW parents for all the rubbish I inflicted on them, especially with birthdays and mothers' and that, and they'd forgiven me even while I was a JW. They are truly better people than JWs ever made me, and now I want to be just like the very people the brothers n sisters in the congregation told me were tools of Satan.

  I still have a lot of purging to do, and it's coming out by degrees as I'm ready, and then the healing process can continue. I hope others may find this encouraging too. As a JW there is no growing and maturing, only becoming more rigid and judgemental...or cracking under the strain of that life.
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  ILoveTTATT

  Thank you Julia for those words.

  I will just say my own personal experience: I shunned people, never felt remorse about it because, although I felt it was a "hard thing to do", I always thought it was the "right thing to do"... So I guess that it is weird that I never felt it to be "wrong" to shun people, it was just the way things were. Now I see that the JW organization has NOTHING to do with God and of course, NOW I would never shun a person (although I had to pretend like I did so that the boat wasn't rocked too much at one time)...

  I need to research arguments AGAINST shunning, how it is morally and scripturally wrong.

  On the other hand, I was never "stupid" about the doctrines. That is why, perhaps, I could come out so easily. If 2+2 wasn't 4, then I knew something was wrong. Once someone connected the dots for me, that was it... this is false!

  JW's held on to me for so long because for a long time, the arguments they gave made at least SOME sense. But if a householder stumped me, I would just politely accept their point and that would be yet another seed of doubt that was planted in me... if I could find no way to defend a doctrine, I conceded defeat instead of continuing to try and defend the undefensible.

  That's my 2 cents...

  ILTTATT
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  Julia Orwell

  WOW ILTTATT, what you just wrote could have been said by me. That's exactly how I felt too about everything you just said.
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  smiddy

  Well said julia , I need to be reminded of that now and again. We had a good social life in the Borg , and if they choose not to want to know us now then thats their problem not mine .

  smiddy
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  ILoveTTATT

  Julia, I thought you were going to be pissed at what I said!! LOL

  I'll add you to my list of "would like to know in person"!! TTYL!!

  ILTTATT