Help! I need to weigh my options

by ILoveTTATT 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ILoveTTATT

  So... I should have commented on the thread on dating a fader.

  I am a fader, and my girlfriend is just... she doesn't care much for JW's... she wants to be with me, and while we are together we ignore all JW rules. Last night, for example, we celebrated Halloween.

  There's a problem, though, and I need your help.

  Again, I will explain the cities:

  City A: Where my parents (and now I) live. I just got a job, and to learn the ropes, I have to be here for 6 months... then I can move to...

  City B: Where I used to be before I got laid off my previous job. It was in this city that I found out TTATT. I want to move back here so I can be closer to...

  City C: The place where my girlfriend lives. She lives with her parents, and is a long ways from being able to be financially independent. Plus she is Filipina so her culture says no-no to living on your own, despite being financially able.

  So... Elder from city C knows my parents in City A, and sees me and my girlfriend hugging at a coffee shop. He "lovingly" gets "concerned" and makes us meet with him ad another elder to give us "dating advice"... he asked where my cards were, and I stupidly told him where they were. That was about two months ago.

  Yesterday my girlfriend tells me that her dad and her were called into the "back room", with those same two elders, and they told her and her dad that I was "spiritually weak" since I have not reported any time in six months (the people in City B have never called me or sent me an e-mail)... he called the elders in City B and they told him that I had not reported any time. My girlfriend was asked if she knew about this, and she of course lied and said, "NO! I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS" ... good girl!! ;)

  To make things worse, this elder told someone at my parent's congregation in city A, and then somehow the rumor mill got the message to my mom that I hadn't been out in serve-us in six months. GRRRRR....

  My girlfriend's dad is now concerned because he doesn't want his daughter to date a "spiritually weak" person. So I guess that next time he sees me he will want to talk to me and ask me what my plans are with my gf, etc... Geesh you can't date here, no real freedom!

  So I want to evaluate my options:

  1. Do nothing. Continue not reporting, and wait and see.

  2. Sit down with her dad and try to calm him down. Maybe say that I had been down because of lacking a job and that now I will go out in service, and we're all good. Say that I will follow all JW rules, blah, blah, blah... He'll be happy and we get on with our lives, status quo. Also, call the elders up in City B and tell them the same spiel, just that I wasn't sure where to report my hours to... and that I had been a little depressed. However, I DON'T WANT ANY STUPID SHEPERDING CALLS OR VISITS!! Thereafter I can report a "good" but token amount of hours. Just one e-mail a month, keeps the elders away.

  3. Come out with some TTATT for her dad, he is friends with a confirmed apostate anyways. I would need to know what they have talked about, though, and build up on that.

  Any thoughts?

  Thanks!
• 

  prologos

  before you weigh your options, what are your intentions?

  Putting in fake field service to keep fdating, which will get you dfd?

  a pleasant way to do it I guess.

  If the lady's family is from the catholic orient, they are probably on the family wagon. marriage. you did not mention that. ???
• 

  Oubliette

  Isn't meddling in other people's business a sin according to the Bible?

  • However, let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or a wrongdoer or a busybody in other people’s matters. - 1 Peter 4:15
  • For we hear that some are walking disorderly among you,+ not working at all, but meddling with what does not concern them. - 1 Thessalonians 3:11
  • At the same time they also learn to be unoccupied, going around from one house to another; yes, not only unoccupied but also gossipers and meddlers in other people’s affairs, talking about things they should not. - 1 Timothy 5:13
• 

  jgnat

  We should mention that cities A, B, C are on points of a right triangle, with A and C on the long edge as the crow flies. This boy is doing a lot of travelling, LOL!

  I would go with option 2, switching the strategy around. Report some hours and THEN calm down the father. E-mail the hours to congregation B apologizing for your sloppiness, get offended with congregation A for rumor-mongering, and count all your family study time. You can also count all your informal witnessing with me.

  I've recently found out that elders from different congregations are notoriously bad at returning each other's phone calls. So if you can refer elders A to contact elders B, and elders C to contact elders B, you should be able to keep these cats chasing their tails for some time.
• 

  Kojack57

  Your first mistake is dating anyone who is affiliated with the BORG. Even though she doesnt care about being a witness her parents are, and that is problematic. Find yourself a nice worldly girl who doesnt have to answer to DADDY, or the BORG.

  Iam not trying to bust your chops but thats just reality.
• 

  Oubliette

  jgnat: I've recently found out that elders from different congregations are notoriously bad at returning each other's phone calls. So if you can refer elders A to contact elders B, and elders C to contact elders B, you should be able to keep these cats chasing their tails for some time.

  Brilliant!
• 

  sir82

  How old are you guys? Why are her parents even involved?
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi ILoveTTATT, Its a no brainer about eliminating 1 through 3 and going with jnat's alternative strategy. If you have non-JW friends, ask if they will help you by studying the Bible with them. Go to Starbucks or some other favorite hangout to meet people and count it as your field service time. Talk to your GF's dad and tell him that you are sorry about how you have behaved the last couple of months, because you were depressed about your job search and now you are very busy impressing your new employer. Since the WTBTS does not know when this system will end, you are trying to cover all your options so that you do not have to live off your parents.

  How would your GF's dad respond to a simple questions, like "What kind of son-in-law would he want for his daughter? One who pioneers and lives off his father-in-law, or one that reports the bare minimum service time and is able to live on his own with his daughter and make her happy?"

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  anonymouz

  You might just say you informal witness on the 2,000,000,000 person worldwide web field, and since it needs more preachers obviously, you intend to spearhead the new territory, until Bethel catches on, confesses all their sins recorded in the web field, for it is a valid "field" and more effective than the normal d2d.

  Then when they say "the Popes at Bethel counsel against such a field as the web", ask WHY???? Why would Bethel snub their and the JW nose at a 2 BILLION PERSON, CHINA X 2 field??????

  Could it be things like the UN NGO and pervert protection program are actually valid Bethel forms of organized lawlessness? Do you Elder Q, intend to share in the stumbling of millions in this Bethel stumbling field known as the worldwide web?

  HOW do you justify, for example, a UN NGO dedication that as stumbled quite possibly as many people out of and away from "the truth" as there have EVER been JWs since 1931?????
  
  Why do you elder Q, still teach the USSR fiction of Daniel 11 that is plainly 8th King King North from Dan11:30-45? Why do you Elder Q, COVER UP the 3rd UN placement of 1990 at Daniel 11:31b, which leads to fourth and final placement at Daniel 11:45 some years from now?
  
  Why do you, Elder Q, insist the United Nations is the "end all" form of sovereign defiance to the Messianic Kingdom, when in fact it must become a full fledged international world government? And that will take some years to accomplish as Daniel 11:42-45, so why do you Elder Q insist "it can end any day now brother????

  It appears Bethel is full of contradictions echoed by the elder body, in what way is that truly truth elder Q, G, P, M, F and Z? (Since a JC will have formed by this time).
• 

  DATA-DOG

  1) START A BIBLE STUDY WITH SFPW!

  2) GO BACK AND MAKE PROGRESS!

  3) REGULAR PIONEER!

  OR....what Abiblestudent said.

  DD