My mom wants me to disassociate myself from her on facebook if

by JWdaughter 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • JWdaughter

    My mom sent me a email telling me that if I want to put any of that (non JW/non Christian) religious stuff on my facebook then I should unfriend her. I didn't respond directly. I did take the email, remove ID'ing aspects and ask my facebook friends to tell me what they thought of the request. Only a few people responded, but all were positive towards me (some Christian, some non-religious, no JWs).

    What I ended up doing was saying that I wasn't going to cut her off to get her off the hook for shunning me and I'm not going to be controlled by her-I'm almost 50 for pete's sake! (She is doing what the WT does! You do something they don't like but because they don't want to take the potential legal/reputational hit, they just say that you are no longer associated or that you have disassociated yourself. People DO disassociate themselves rather than being DF'd . I think that is such a cop out that they do that so they don't have to deal with the fallout that comes when they KICK OUT people and SHUN them. My mom wants me to unfriend her so that in essence, she has the (even internal ) defence of saying that I "unfriended" her. It just pisses me off.)

    So, I looked at some of her other FB friends who have pictures of their birthday and christmas parties and celebrations, church groups, their political views, their homage to the military, stuff about boyfriends and girlfriends and babies whose parents aren't married. Oh, pictures of drunk underage kids are on some of them! All these things that would get a person DFd if they were JW. Or arrested, as the case may be. She hasn't unfriended anyone. She probably doesn't know how! Anyway-anyone else think this reminds you of when you first left the JWs and the expectation was that YOU are not supposed to talk to them simply because you know they won't talk back? I am not playing that game 30+ years after leaving the org.

    My mom talks to me, I've never been DF'd and unfortunately, she has brought out a bit of fight in me. Principle of the thing kind of fight. I'm not being directly confrontational but I'm not going to let her tell me what I can and cannot put on my facebook page. She can have her talking dogs and I don't say anything about how stupid it is! I don't tell people what I ate for breakfast, how long my last visit to the bathroom took or my latest menopause symptoms. I have never invited anyone to Farmville (which should be grounds for shunning iMO).

  • freeintime

    Maybe tell her you feel that defriending her would feel to much like shunning and you don't believe in shunning, shunning is not loving or chrisitan like behavior, and that if she does'nt like or is offended by what you may post then feel free to click on the settings tab on facebook and choose the option of not having your feeds put on her timeline to read. You could add that you've been thinking of doing the same with her since there are times that you read things on her timeline that you find offensive. That way you can still keep contact without fear of offending each other, signed Love ya always Mom!

  • andysmiles

    I am sorry about that. It must be really fusterating. You don't really have to do anything at would make you sad. Honestly there are so many options, she can still have you, just only show important things. I do this all the time.

  • Oubliette

    JWD: I am not playing that game 30+ years after leaving the org.

    Good for you!

    They don't have any power over you if you don't give it to them.

  • Hortensia

    I like your idea -- if she wants to unfriend you, she can do it, but you're not playing that game and you won't unfriend her.

  • JWdaughter

    I am not saying anything hostile or direct to her. I brought it up on facebook w/o outing her and I am just letting honest comments come through so she can see herself in a mirror, so to speak. On the one hand, I think it is a bit passive aggressive to do it the way I am, but on the other hand, if she doesn't have something I think SHE should be ashamed of, I wouldn't be ashamed for her on her behalf to say WHO asked it of me.

  • AbaDaddy

    There is a GOD page on Facebook, that I 'liked' (it is sometimes amusing, and shocking, mostly due to agression and threats from religious types), and as a consequence my Mum is occasionally exposed to a post from this page. She sms'd me how offended she was by my involvment in such things and would I remove it. I thought about that for a day or so, and decided not to, for two reasons: 1) advertising 2) don't wanna!

  • OnTheWayOut

    Facebook can be such a dangerous place. I have absolutely no JW's in my friends on FB. So I am free to be myself. But there's still a backdoor- the friends of my friends. Luckily, my JW family do not go on FB. My wife has had trouble with that decision, because so many people tell her to get their photos on FB or to contact them that way.

    Anyway, when JW family want to be on FB, it can cause so many problems. It can even be a problem for non-JW family to be too aware of what their adult children are up to on FB: getting drunk/high, hooking up, spending their inheritance in ways they don't approve of, etc. I like freeintime's thoughts above on the matter. Give that some thought.

  • Stealth

    Tell her that if she is offended by what you post on FB she should blame her parents for raising a pussy.

  • JWdaughter

    I am putting what I want in my facebook. The latest thing I put in there was something I found here about the man who donated a lot of blood that is used for JW pregnancies/babies (rH factor). That blood has to come from somewhere! Haven't heard from her regarding that one, but I'm pretty sure she is getting my none too subtle message.

    It's MY facebook page!

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