When you are crushed......

simplesally

I am disfellowshipped. Whoa. I just wrote that as the first thing. Like thats "who" I am. Is that how I view and value myself? But its the first thing I think of day in ..... and day out.

I didn't even mean to start a post about this. I totally intended to write about a letter I got from a relative the other day. But now, this is the matter at hand.

How do I get past this sad time? I don't think I can ever go back now. I know too much, I know too much truth. And it means I have lost my friends.

I have no friends here where I live anymore, no relatives within hundreds of miles. No support system. Except one friend and he lives over 1000 miles away.

At what point will I wake up and not think of JW's? At what point will I walk into a grocery store and think "I wonder if they are a JW and know that they are smiling at a df'd person". I wonder when I will go to my favorite children's store despite the fact that one of the elder's wives works there? When will JW's stop coloring my life?

When will I stop being frightened I am making a mistake?

Scully

Sally:

There seems to be a lot of pain behind your words.

I hope one day soon you'll understand that you deserve so much better than the conditional love of all the JWs who collectively reject you. Everyone makes mistakes. Yet, the JWs forget the very simple Christian principles of extending forgiveness, applying the Golden Rule, and leaving the accounting between each individual and God. They even ignore the words of Jesus: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

I also hope that what you'll find here, as a start, and 'out there' in the big old "world" that JWs are so afraid of, is what it is like to be accepted "as is" for the person you are inside, instead of the image that we used to try to project as JWs. It's a much more comfortable existence to know that the friends you have are REAL friends who love you for you, and will continue to love you and care about you and respect you, inspite of your normal human shortcomings, the way the Bible describes God as being the personification of love.

When that happens, you'll know because the label "disfellowshipped" will be meaningless to you, and so will the opinion that JWs hold of you. Hang in there kiddo, we love you!

Love, Scully

myself

Scully, that is so true, i now have friends who like me as I am. I do not tiptoe on every action or word, it really is nice to be myself.

Sally, so much of the worry about - am I doing the right thing is natural. We were taught to brainwash our own way of thinking so that we become apprehensive at anything that isnt taught by the Watchtower.
Start off by making friends locally. Isolation just makes things worse.

LucidSky

((simplesally))

It's a common theme, it seems: Your friends and family are all JW's and suddenly your world comes crashing down when you leave. It's not an easy position to be in. But the sooner you are able to stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing that you now possess a new power over your life, you'll be on your way to recovery. It may be scary to think about, but you can live without being told what to do every minute.

Remember you've got friends and a support system right here!

cellomould

Simplesally,

I enjoy reading Scientific American, especially articles about the evolution of life and humans. Learning new things always cheers me up.

The WTBS publications started to irritate me long ago because of the rhetoric and deception. Just check out the 'Creation' book for example. It's full of misleading quotes and attacks the credibility of any author or scientist with atheist leanings.

When you're feeling blue, this may not be what you need. It may convince you that you need to search elsewhere for comfort.

I feel fortunate in being absolutely certain that, in leaving, I made the correct decision. I thoroughly researched everything.

But it's still a lonely place to be without friends. Take the initiative and get connected to people. Sometimes interesting people are closer than you would have imagined.

You just have to ask the right questions.

cellomould

"Without judgement, perception would increase a million times" Death, Without Judgement

LB

Sally do your best to keep busy. Wherever your interests lie is where you need to head. It's a lonely time for you it appears and I'm sorry for that. Do you enjoy hiking? Cycling or other activies. Go do them.

I find that when I get a bit downhearted over matters exercise is what helps me the most. I always feel good after getting the heartrate up for awhile.

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

outcast

simplesally,

I am your friend.

Every day will get better. There is a whole world of wonderful people out there waiting to be your friend. The wonderful part is, now you can decide who you want to have as friends.

Ok, have I said the friend word enough?

You will get to a point when you think of jw's, and feel like you can't believe you ever believed like them, and feel very detached.

You will feel sorry for them, and then angry at them for being so blind, and then sorry again, because you know if you hadn't been thrown out, taught a cruel lesson, you would still believe they are the happiest, most loving people on earth.

The fear that you are making a mistake is from years of fear tactics.
We have been taught God is a loving/fearful/jealous/not-to-be-mocked/vengeful/father figure creator.

You will get to a point when you are so happy and free, "You" can spot a jw in the grocery store, by their dress and the unhappy vacant stare in their eyes..and you will smile at them, knowing they are a jw, and they will smile back. Only thing is they wont be wondering is this a df'd person, they will be thinking, "How can I tie in asparagus with armageddon and recruit this happy woman, because she does not know that she is not really happy, happiness is in the future, must convert, must count time, must earn undeserved everlasting life.."

Grieve, it's part of the process.
Grieve for the loss of a perfect world, full of perfect people, who all have one perfect purpose.

Now admit it, after one perfect 3 day district assembly, weren't you ready to go back to work and deal with the real world? Just to get your numbed brain working again?

Always remember,
The best revenge is living well.

And, to have the finest wine the grapes have to be crushed, and it takes time.

gsx1138

Not to be a Danny downbeat, but it took me almost 10 years to completely shed the JW religion and baggage. But as I've stated once it is gone you WILL feel sorry for those who are still JW. Your happiness level will go through the roof. Keep yourself busy but also set goals. One of the things that almost ruined my life was the belief that I didn't need to try and further a career. As everyone knew in 1990 the world wouldn't last past 1995 so what was the point of bettering yourself. Once you have your goals met the happiness just roles in so fast you don't know what to do with it all. Also, don't expect these feelings to just go away on their own. You must make a conscious effort to not let things get you down.

Dear Lord, please save me from your followers.

simplesally

((((((((outcast)))))))))))), I didn't forget you, I just never seem to see you and your promises of visiting have been for naught! :p Ha gotcha!

Outcast, I have been looking for you online, email me or call. :) Miss you, and my love bug is getting bigger.

noidea

{{{Sally}}}

Just know that you are not alone in your transition..I am not d'fed but since I stopped attending it's almost like I am.

You are among sooo many that are going through the same..When it gets down to it JW's don't even know what real friendship is. You can never be the person you truly are because you're afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing...They never counted to begin with.

You have to take it a day at a time and not worry about later..it will come. You will find the true meaning of friendship and it won't have the conditions with it.

Sometimes it might seem easier to go back to what you had because it's all you know. The thing is there wasn't anything there to begin with.

In the meantime..That is what this place is all about..I have met some very wonderful friends here. Friendships that i feel will last a life time. Friends that are there for me when I need to vent or air my problems..I am so much closer to these friends then what I had before. The best thing..they love me for me.

As far as looking and wondering who is a JW and who is not..don't bother..you are so above that now..They are the ones with the hang ups not you. Let them worry about who they think is or isn't df'ed..It's time for you to live and them to be continue being told how to.

~~~Noi~~~
***********

Member of the: I have No Idea class.

When you are crushed......

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