Dear Simple Sally,
Your post touched my heart! I so understand how you are feeling. You are at the beginning of a difficult "transferance" stage. You are numb, in shock, and in pain...in short, in post-traumatic shock.
Yes, shock. To be a Jehovah's Witness, to truly believe that YOU are a "witness" of the only true God, and that your Brothers and Sisters in the "truth" are the only other "witnesess", and to then LOSE that identity...that is extremly rough. And, as you say, you have no real support system.
You NEED ONE!!
Get thee into couseling--immediately! I strongly suggest the 12 Step group for "Adult Children of Alcoholics". Don't scoff. This is primarly a group of "adult children" who need help in coming to terms with their pasts and their past choices and behavior. Most JW's learn to be very co-dependent. They have to be in order to be "humble", and to survive! And you really learn what it means to rely on Jehovah!
Sally, please look into it! Give them a try! All of the 12 Step programs are centered on healing, and relying on God. And you will find true friends!
Also, if you can get past any prejudice you may have against "worldly" Christians, I urge you to look for "Lakewood Church", on the "Family Channel", on Sunday nights. It comes on at 12:00am (midnight) in California. I think that it comes on at the same time everywhere in the states so you can adjust the time to your time zone.
The pastor is a young man named Joel Osteen. Watch for him. He is extremly uplifting, and truly "brings light into a dark place". Also, Joyce Meyers is wonderful! She just "says it"!! (smile)
You are in my prayers! And you will find so much support on this forum. I love this place! I was so alone for many years...but no more!
Keep posting! Keep praying! Remember that man does not determine your standing before God, or with yourself! You will get through this. Giving birth to yourself is the hardest thing you will ever go through but it is worth it.
Welcome to your life! Welcome home!
"The unexamined life is not worth living."