I hate it that I have to lie so much to fade... (page 2)

adamah

TTATT said-

My dad has strictly told me to not tell anyone about TTATT, and definitely not my mom. He vouches for me moving to a different city and fading on my own terms there. He has said, "you can move, I can't..." when I suggest he start fading... see, technically, I have nothing to lose, but it's my dad who has a 30-year marriage on the line. It reallly is ...

Oh, well there you go: you DO have an exit strategy, after all....

He's saving you, letting you go first (he's woken up, and doesn't want you to pay the price for THEIR bad decisions). Then he's decided if it blows up his marriage, at least you are free.

Stick to the agreed-upon plan, and don't BLOW IT for YOUR DAD due to your guilt! You don't have the luxury of such emotions right now, as the situation of extricating yourself from a cult is not exactly normal.

Adam

Daniel1555

Dear ILTTATT

Just consider telling your mum how you feel (the truth), like you did with your dad.

She will maybe not have the same opinion as you. But a huge weight would be off from you and your dad..

I did the same with my mum and dad. They undrrstand my feelings and we continue to have healthy discussions.

Probably speak to your dad first, before you take any steps.

Hortensia

You're the one on the scene -- you know better than we do what the best plan is. If your dad thinks she isn't ready for it, well, lie low and let him handle her. As you said, he's the one with a lot to lose.

ABibleStudent

Hi ILoveTTATT, It sucks that the WTBTS uses BITE control to victimize JWs and hold family members hostage. Having written that please remember that the WTBTS is at fault and not you.

Just don't lie and use cult speak to help your mother. Remember that you are using FB to do FS, that you are witnessing to people (i.e., JWs), and that you love your parents. You can be honest. You don't have to disclose everything to your mom.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

ILoveTTATT

@adamah: sticking to the plan, definitely!! I will let my dad handle my mom... perhaps actually re-starting a family Bible study, but just the Bible, would help wake my mom up? I am afraid of doing this, since last time when I pointed out that Jehovah's name was not in the NT, she flipped on me!! However, she did ask me where the proof was, too bad I didn't show her the Insight book where it is admitted. My mom would be happy that the study would be re-started, maybe a bit unhappy that the study is not done using WT publications, but it's a start! If my mom does not like it, my dad could put his foot down... she can't argue against that: if she does, then she does not want to read the Bible...

As to my dad's marriage, I do NOT want it to end up badly!! I love my family, and want the best for them (which is exiting the WT), but of course, all at its given time... If I have to pretend for a very long time, I will do so...

@Daniel: Telling the truth about things sometimes is not a good idea... I know my family, and telling my mom TTATT would be counter-productive...

@hortensia: For sure. I think he's doing things that way also because he is not 100% convinced of TTATT... He keeps trying to defend them, but cannot find arguments... more and more he is seeing the stupidity and the arrogance of the WT... He has told me that if we were not Witnesses he would go out... so it's fear (understandably so)... that's keeping him in...

I think he is a very smart and reasonable man... so DEFINITELY keeping to the plan...

Thanks everyone!!

ILoveTTATT

Hi Rob, I didn't understand your message exactly... can you PM me? Thanks!

Phizzy

I was brought up to not tell lies, but, I have thought long and hard about it, and I realise there are certain situations where it is necessary to lie, and is morally right to do so.

For example, (one I have posted before), the French farmer in WW2 who is hiding some Airmen and the Gestapo turn up and ask him if he knows their whereabouts. Should he lie ? of course he should.

It still gives me a bad feeling that I have lied to JW's, but the alternative was to hand power to them so that they could DF me. It wqs morally correct for me to lie. And rather silly in what the lie stood for. I told them I beleived everything the WT said.

This was some years ago and of course, the WT teaching has all changed since then.

Lie as much as you have to, speak truth when wisdom tells you to.

blondie

I have always felt that "fading" is meant only to be a temporary thing for the individual. To be able to get your new life in order, financially, emotionally, spiritually. To find new support should your jw family and friends abandon you when they realize you no longer participate in meetings and field service (inactive). To realize if you openly practice things they feel are seriously wrong, that they may permanently reject association with you. I just said I was confused and disappointed by the lack of love in all the congregations I had attended without going into detail. Remember that they believe there are things that they can withhold from you, that you are not entitled to the whole truth. So by their definition you are not lying.

Become financially independent of all jws, find new friends that care for you not because of your religious background, find a healthy base for your spirituality.

Blondie

Aunt Fancy

I think it is wonderful that you are able to have an honest relationship with your Dad and I wouldn't do anything at this point to give him a reason not to trust you. I know you feel bad about not telling your Mom the truth but your Dad knows her much better and feels like it isn't the right time.

You would have to be prepared for her to shun you because that is the usual end result. My husband told his mom and even though she hasn't shunned him outright she doesn't call him anymore and when they get off the phone they use to tell each other they loved each other and now she doesn't which has really hurt my husband.

You haven't been on this journey very long so just slow down and be patient. Use Steve Hanson's advice because I think you have read his book. Give it time and when you know your Dad sees the whole picture and he is totally out the two of you can work on your Mom.

We have been out 13 months and my husband and I have made all of our decisions very carefully and we never rushed into anything which I believed helped us. Time is on your side and from what I gather your parents are still fairly young so they could get out and have a great life ahead of them. We are in our late 50's and we are enjoying what life has to offer.

Hang in there!!

EndofMysteries

Just call it 'theocratic warfare'.

I hate it that I have to lie so much to fade...

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