Paul
This is how I have handled it. My ex is as "nose to the grindstone.....hardcore" as a JW can be. My daughters are 6 and 4. It has been a year since we split. And I have made more progress with my girls in one year than I had ever though imaginable. I know for a fact that "the other side" is teaching them how much Jehovah hates birthdays and holidays etc etc. I also know that "the other side" is making sure to inform my children that Santa and the Tooth Fairy etc etc are not real and how bad it is to lie.
So what I decided to do is make a comparison. I openly admitted to my children that no....Santa is not real.....nor is the Tooth Fairy. But why not use our imaginations and pretend as though they ARE real? A child's imagination is something of a wonder. If you just let a small child be free.......what is fantasy becomes SO real to them......even though deep down inside they KNOW the real truth.
My oldest was a little skittish at first when we talked about the tooth fairy. She had seen "Rise of the Guardians" and was intrigued. I admitted that the tooth fairy isn't real.......but it's SO FUN to pretend! When she told me she was worried about it being a "lie" I responded by asking her if she likes to play "princess" with her sister. Of course she said yes. So I asked her if she was REALLY a princess. She said, "well, no....we just pretend". I said, "exactly. There is nothing wrong with pretending. What's the difference between pretending that you're a princess for the day and pretending that the tooth fairy brought you money?" It was like a light bulb went off in her head.
What I am saying is that kids WANT to pretend. They WANT to use their imaginations. And once the stigmatism of it being a "lie" is put to rest.....imagination will take over. She gets SO excited when she has a loose tooth now because she can't wait to put it under her pillow and see what the tooth fairy brings her. She knows the real truth.....but she allows the excitement of fantasy to rule......as she should.
That isn't to say that I disagree with those that DO tell their children that such things ARE real. If I was in a different position.....I might do the same. But I don't want my ex to ever be able to tell my children that I've lied to them.......therefore.....insisting to them that any of these fantasies is real is not an option for me.