Here is my introduction letter.
My JW and biological sister is getting married this weekend and 3 weeks ago I received a letter actually uninviting me to this showy display. I was stunned to say the least. Let me give you some background info. Recently I relocated back close to home in Ohio(1.5hrs away) where she lives along with my mother, other biological brothers, sisters and neices /nephews. She is the only active witness in our family as we were raised Catholic and attended catholic school growing up in a very small town where everyone knows one of us. This sister had her non JW husband pass away coming up on 2 yrs in January. I drove up from Florida for the funeral and to support her and her children. I had moved away in '99 to pursue my life away from the cult and to finally be able to live my life in my way.
You see, I am a gay man and found it nearly impossible to accept this fact myself for so many years, let alone come out to family and everyone else in the small town/ mindset. I thought maybe perhaps the Jdubs were correct and if I prayed hard enough and lived life the way they taught these "thoughts" would go away and voula, I would be cured from my sinful, lustful idea(they were clueless of my sexuality) I was very zealous, auxiliary pioneered and tried for 7 yrs in this manner of thinking. Well, needless to say I was miserable and lonely while among so many so called "friends" at the KH and distanced now from my biological family. Off to Florida I went.
So back to coming home for the funeral. I stayed with this sister for many weeks following the funeral, putting my life back in Florida on hold, my career as a realtor including all income generating on hold for her, my partner was very supportive and remained in Florida this entire time. I helped her get all her financing in order, met with probate attorney, also her local bank to get her home refinanced and was basically her rock to help her in her darkest hour. During this time I decided it was time to move back closer to home. With so many family members I was missing out on being there with/for family being over 1000 miles away as I couldn't just up and drive back whenever necessary. Besides the real estate market was terrible in Florida at this time. During the funeral and since being back after 13 or so yrs being away from KH and the Borg I had occassion to come in contact with many old elders/old friends from my old congregation(same one my sister attends)I was never shunned in the slightest by anyone of them. On top of all this, I should explain that the elder she is marrying is a "NPG" JW(non practicing gay). It is my thinking that he has aspirations of becoming a PO or CO and needs the beard of a wife to avoid all the tongue wagging and gossip.
Also to be a "fine example" to the flock that the whole pray away the gay does in fact work. This entire situation is making me very emotionally and physically sick,depressed and angry. These two have been using other family members for a chaperone(like it's necessary) including my mother. I'm afraid they will drink the koolaid and may have already. My mother actually said to me when I told her of my uninvite-"your sister has cried alot over this decision"... she actually has empathy for HER. She was even going to contact other witnesses to discuss all this with them to get "the rules" as she put it from them. I smacked her back to reality telling her that this is just another ploy for them to witness to our family and she was falling directly into their trap by going to them for guidance instead of her own spiritual leader. She agreed and said she would go to the wedding and support her daughter.
Why am I feeling so smacked in the face by her and other family members that decide to attend this wedding? One of my other sisters that lives out of state is christian and totally educated as to the manmade witness bible and man made WT teachings. She originally told me she would not be in attendance and invited us to her house this weekend. This touched me greatly. However, in reading many threads here and on other exJW sites I have decided I don't want to be a divisive influence in my family. I've since sent texts out to my mother and 3 other sisters letting them know this, letting them off the proverbial hook.
I hope all this makes some resemblance of sense as I'm just winging it here. My dilemma is how to proceed from here? I am finding it hard to even get out of bed, haven't left our apartment in 3 weeks now(since receiving my uninvited letter) After searching online and finding this site and others I am sickened to think how many people I may have misled by my preaching the crap I thought at one time was the truth! Let alone how foolish I feel knowing I was duped by these cunning cult members, including my own biological sister. Who do I trust any more? I feel I have no dignity left to back home again among family after all this. And to think that this is what I moved back here close to family for...