"The Nice Girl Syndrome", a book on Stop Being Manipulated and Abused

LoisLane looking for Superman

"The Nice Girl Syndrome" a 245 page book by Beverly Engel

10 steps to empowering yourself and ending abuse .

The cover states: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself.

The back cover states: Are you too nice for your own good?

Do family members manipulate you?

Do co-workers take advantage of you?

If this sounds familiar read "The Nice Girl Syndrome".

My thoughts:

This book is especially helpful on how to stand up for yourself and not get walked on, anymore, or a whole lot less. lol

That might sound simple, but as a JW we are always supposed to turn the other cheek, and not alllow anyone to stumble us,

so we are extra nice, not to hurt anyone.

Nice boys and girls, (men and women) get used by the "more aware" ones, who don't care if they hurt you or not.

This book helped me understand how I turned into a robotic smiling drone, saying yes to everyone, not wanting to hurt anyone,

yet I got used, abused and kicked to the curb.

This book helped me, maybe it can help someone else, also.

Just Lois

PS Simon.... Thank you. I've got paragraphs back!

baltar447

Saying yes too much is one of my problems too. Really need firmer boundaries. Theres also a book called no more mr nice guy.

LoisLane looking for Superman

Baltar, Thank you.

That is good to know that there is one written for you good guy's too. lol

I realized, after many decades, that I WAS waiting on Jehovah, to stand up for me, against all the bullies in my life.

I found this book while going through my divorce, with a Lawyer, that was NOT on my side. I realized, she did not like JW's, and if I kept her, things would not be as favorable to me, as they should have been. lol

Reading and understanding, that, I do NOT have to accept life as it unfolded for me, that I could take control, helped me by getting rid of my first Lawyer and finding a second one that was excellent, as in, normal with no hidden agenda's.

I am not used to standing up for myself.

I felt as a JW drone, that if I did everything right, Jah was with me and everything would be wonderful. lol

I sure was in fantasy land. lol

But, as a good JW, I was thinking, if I give my life for Jah now, then the next life, when I am perfect... that will be my time... the time I get to be a Concert Pianist, an Architect, an Opera singer with perfect beautiful notes, a speaker of all languages, a great Scientist, a great Artist of ALL things, a reader of all books written and able to perfectly remember what I read. lol

The Watch Tower told me to put my life on hold for them, and for me to WAIT for the NEXT life, that the GB promises us in their literature, for me to do all the things, I want to do.

So, I have been a good girl, A Nice Girl, waiting, waiting, patiently waiting, getting screwed but not in any kind of a fun, happy way.

I want to design a home and garden and have someone to LOVE. Now. Now, in this... only life. Now that I know TTATT, I only have now.

In the mean time, The Governing Body are going ahead with their agenda, their plans, their retirement by The Lake, getting lots of enjoyment out of their life now.

I do not see GB, passively waiting for their next life, to have fun.

Just Lois

LoisLane looking for Superman

I am sorry, anybody who has been trying to read this thread. I had paragraphs... then I didn't have paragraphs.

Apognophos

Oh, damn it. I wrote a long post and it got deleted because the forum doesn't allow Command-arrow key to be used for selecting text, so I accidentally backed up in my browser while editing the post I was making. Er, one more time, I guess.

Yes, I can relate to this topic, because I've always tended to be a doormat. I feel awful when I offend people even a little, so I prefer to just go along with whatever they want from me. But as I move into adulthood, I've realized that part of my doormat-ness comes from being raised a Witness, where we're expected to tolerate others' foibles and never set boundaries. I've discovered that, when I'm really being pushed around by a certain Witness, if I put my foot down and demand a little respect, they will back down quickly out of surprise. This is rather satisfying for me after all, even if it causes a little offense in the process.

You mentioned, Lois, that the GB are living the life they want to live now. I don't think I would find their life very fulfilling, but I suppose it's quite enjoyable for them to sit around a table in suits and talk about their latest insights into the Bible, knowing that anything they agree on will get published to the eager rank and file members. I wonder if they have any plans for the new world. I'd imagine not, as they are planning on being in heaven, and they have no idea what they'll be doing there. Whereas we used to think about all the fun, rewarding earthly pursuits that we were looking forward to trying in paradise, their life is entirely centered on abstract, intangible concepts, disconnected entirely from most people's reality. It's scary that I've allowed myself to be led by these people for so many years!

LongHairGal

LOIS LANE:

A lot of women would do well to read this, not just JWs and fundamentalists!

Too many women don't know how to say NO or stand up for themselves. In the religion, some people equate saying NO with not "being nice" or "Christian". This is precisely what the users bank on!

I used to get annoyed even being around certain JW women because when the users would come over to pester them for favors, if you were sitting next to them it was ASSumed you were a fool as well. I had to change my seat because I couldn't be around them. I would have no peace! Then the gullible sister would get attitude with me because I wouldn't back her up!

I hated this effin' religion and the bastards within and I swear the religion attracted opportunists looking to see what they could get!

Joliette

Would be a good book for me.

baltar447

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

LisaRose

I struggle with this myself. I realize it is very ingrained, part of it is due to self esteem issues, part due to how I was raised and my own personality, I am a people pleaser type. For some reason, it is almost impossible to ask anyone for anything. I read a term that describes what happens when someone doesn't stand up for themselves and is taken for granted until they can't take it anymore and blow up - the exploding doormat. I have too often been an exploding doormat.

It's hard, but I am working on it. Part of it is to value yourself and ask for what you need. Other people do not automatically know what is important to you, you have to tell them. You must always be prepared to communicate your values and needs, in a calm but firm manner. It is not selfish to expect to expect others to treat you well.

At my age it is no easy thing to change something so basic in your personality, but I think it can be done.

caliber

You must always be prepared to communicate your values and needs, in a calm but firm manner.

Isn't that always the key communication... expressing your true thoughts in a respectable way and at the right time ?

.......communication of course involves not just talking and hearing but listening , taking steps to change or respond

by actions

"The Nice Girl Syndrome", a book on Stop Being Manipulated and Abused

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