DOUGHNUTKITTY- Welcome to the board ! I think your idea is a great one to get a good education and go live whith your friend's parents where you will get support. Depending on where you live- legally you may not be able to do it until you are 18 yrs.old though. I would get busy informing yourself about the injustices of the WT Society and their methods of controlling and deceiving people. 3 great books by Steve Hassan are : Combatting Cult Mind Control , Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think for Themselves, and Freedom of Mind - Helping Loved ones Escape controlling, people, cults, and Relationships. Also reading Ray Franz's 2 books really helped me titled " Crisis of Conscience " and " In Search of Christian Freedom " . These books will help you to understand what you are going through. Hang in there- remember we are here as a friend and support to you as well, O.K. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper
I really need some help to get out of this religion
by doughnutkitty 36 Replies latest jw experiences
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TotallyADD
What else can be said except you are a very brave person to come forward and express your thoughts the way you did. Leaving a cult takes time and much effort it is not instant. So take your time to think things out. But doing that it will in time fall in place. Take care and great to have you on board. Totally ADD
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Welcome!
Great advice already. I'd recommend focusing on your education, and don't be afraid of math and science.
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Mum
Hi, Doughnutkitty. Welcome to the forum. We look forward to getting your "progress notes" as you fade slowly.
I have been out since 1979. A book that helped me immensely was Dr. Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones. Dr. Dyer helps you deal with negative emotions and shows the benefits of thinking for yourself and not being manipulated by others.
Someone else recommended Crisis of Conscience, and I want to reiterate that because Ray Franz gives good insight into how the orginization works from the inside. It's pretty shocking and eye-opening at times.
Gary and Heather Botting wrote a book called The Orwellian World of Jehovah's Witnesses in which they compare the JW organization to the government policies in George Orwell's book 1984. I recommend that you read both of these books.
You might need to keep these books at school or at a friend's house while you're still living with your parents. That is fine.
Talk to your school guidance counselor and explain the mind control techniques you have been subjected to. He or she can help you deprogram yourself. When you get to college, there may be free psychological counseling for students. Take advantage of that help as well.
You might want to take some vocational interest tests, such as Strong's Interest Inventory and the Meyers-Briggs Type Inventory as well as the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. These can be administered by a psychologist. Sometimes local community colleges administer these tests for free or for a very small fee. Knowing yourself is very beneficial. I am especially fond of the Meyers-Briggs. I am an INTP / INFP, i.e., a thinker-idealist. I have read about the other types and from the ESFP's and ISFJ's, I have learned to not take things so seriously and to be better organized. Learn everything about yourself, and change what you don't like.
Best wishes.
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sarahsmile
Okay those emotions your dealling with are the JWls training and cult mind set. Ignore any thoughts and feelings that your decisions are wrong! Because it is very normal to want to move on with your life. Never ignore your red flags. Do you find it strange that JWS teenagers can not share with their mom and dad their plans for the future like other teens? Most parents should be proud of you because YOU are not letting the need to socialize get in your way of wanting an education. If it looks like a cult it is! At this point you are becoming more independent because you made your plans. You might have to keep it to yourself only because most JWs and their teens will discourage you to end up like them.Dead end jobs!
Do you live close to the college you want to attend? If so spend more time there. Just go sit there any building. Go spend time at their library and study there. Go to any college just get use to it. Here the High School kids are ready attending their first year of college, so you might want to check to see if there are programs where you can attend college classes during high school.
Some of your feeling are anxities about your future. Some times reading fiction books can help.
It really must be hard learning all this about the JWs. I do not agree that you need to learn all the false errors of the JWs. Some just ignore all Jws and exJws. Some walk away and get on with their lives and ignore both sides.
If I were you I would not bother with anything dealing with JW books or doctrines. Why if your not going to be a JW? Look how much time you wasted with literature. You already disagree with doctrines,you know there something wrong in Paradise. I can tell that you can not get a higher paid job because you know the errors of the WTBTS. You can really spend a lot of hours researching false doctrines. WTBTS probably thinks people are still studying, and technically exjws are studying JW articles.
Independent people work and never let others pay for anything. Dependent people allow or okay people supporting them and it only takes a short time to be a dependent person.
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PrincessCynic
Welcome! You're very lucky to have realised its not the truth at 16. You're finished with childhood and almost ready to begin your life. My sister left at 16. It was a tough time for her and my parents but she never looked back and, as she was never baptised, she was never shunned. Now she's the happiest, most successful member of the family. She started to fade from meetings using her exams as an excuse. She needed to revise.
Ive made an assumption from your post that you are female and British, same as me. I'm going to give you the advice I wish I could give my 16 year old self....
Don't waste too much time on here long-term researching, obsessing about witness land, just do what you need to do to convince yourself you're doing the right thing, get support and move on. Believe me, the more you step back from the religion, the crazier it all seems. You won't need reminding! I do think you should get a copy of Combatting Cult Mind Cintrol though. I'm reading it now and it's so helpful to see that there are so many other cults that operate the same as the JWs and their followers believe they have 'the truth'.
forget about boys, drinking etc, there's plenty of time for that. Concentrate on your studies, that's what's going to get you where you need to be in life. Don't give your parents more reason to worry. Make them see you're intelligent, sensible, not going off the rails and capable of making your own decisions in life.
Don't completely resent your upbringing. Your parents did what they thought was best for you, they love you and have given you a good set of morals that can serve you well.
Personally I'd forget about the gap year and get straight into uni. The way the system is designed in the uk, it doesn't help you to have savings instead of getting a student loan. You've got 2 years to prepare yourself and your parents.
Uni is the best thing you can do for yourself. Dont believe the JW stories that uni graduates don't get jobs. All my friends now are 30 something uni graduates and have very good jobs, own their own houses, have comfortable lives on top of the extra life experience and friends they gained at uni.
maybe have a proper sit down talk with your parents (only you know how they will take this though) and let them know that you don't want to be a JW and will go to the meetings while you live under their roof if they insist but it's not what you will be doing long-term.
pgood luck!
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rmt1
Depending on their own age, retirement planning, fiscal foresight, you may be able to say, >without saying<, that it is prudent to have the resources to help out family members in times of need. Do not refer to >them<, but point to local / KH / anecdotal elderly folks on limited income with no help from family. Perform this naively, and don't openly represent that you imagine they will grow old in this system. Aging JWs already worry about this, and your avoiding the point allows them to see this fiscally responsible you as an ally. Of course, stay off the JW's fine-tuned radar for indescretions, or you lose the advantage of that alliance.