I really need some help to get out of this religion

by doughnutkitty 36 Replies latest jw experiences

  • doughnutkitty

    Hi, I've been lurking on this site for quite a while after recently having doubts about the "truth". I've read a lot of posts about problems with the doctrines, mind control, the beliefs, brainwashing that Jehovah's Witnesses and their literature, as well as their history. Now only being a sixteen year old born in who isn't baptized or unbaptized, I've come to find all this information incredibly overwhelming. I've always wondered about things in different areas, like why people should mindlessly devote their lives and themselves to Jehoavh without critical thought. Despite this, I only really started having doubts about a month or two ago when I started to become very close friends with a "worldly" boy who was interested in me and my religion, but decided the religion wasn't for him.

    I am just finding all this information hard to deal with, especially since I still have to attend meetings with the rest of my family and act like everything is the same (although I expressed to my parents that I don't have, and probably never will have, a desire to be in the religion). I'm finding it very difficult to get out of the mindset that I have the "true religion" and all of the rest of the typical brainwashed Jehovah's Witness thoughts.

    I have a plan to get out: slowly drift from the other young ones in the religion (which isn't too much of a problem considering I don't have all too many friends there anyway), finish high school (preferrably without getting kicked of home, but if push comes to shove, I have a very close worldly best friend whose mum would let me live with them), take a year off and save up money for university and cease going to meetings, go to university and live on campus, then whatever comes after that.

    What I need help with is how to deal with these incredibly overwhelming emotions that I'm doing something wrong by wanting to leave, how to become more independent from my family (I'm very dependent, even in small areas), how to deal with continuing going to meetings, and how to prove to myself that this is not the true religion as it claims to be. Help please?

  • punkofnice

    Welcome young fellow me lad.

    You are at a very delicate age and emotions will run high for the next few years for you.

    I understand you are probably still under the jurisdiction of your parents and nust tread carefully.

    The first very important step you have already taken and that is to be open and honest about your need to leave.

    Just remember all these things are temporary and will pass. In the mean time it's awful to know that you are having to put up with the WBT$ corporation control.

    This might be of assistance.....

    leaving Jehovah's Witnesses

    Let us know how you are getting on.

    If you really have to go to meetings you can spy for us undercover and report back with weird stuff that they say.

    May I also recommend 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steven Hassan......tis a good read.

    One of the good things is to be able to vent here and that helps.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    It's tough as a kid because you can't just drive off and live somewhere else. I wonder how many others are in your situation. I can't really advise you with authority because I've never been in your situation: in fact I was opposite, I wanted to be Jw at 16. My family were not and never became jws. From my perspective, as long as you are under their roof you should respect their ways. But educate yourself as Punk has advised. However, make your plans for when you finish school in a couple of years, and maybe confide in a teacher you trust. I'm a teacher and while I know I must maintain professional distance from the students, when one comes to me for advice or the need to talk to someone she can trust, I will be there for her to listen and offer support. Perhaps you could see a social worker.

    I would not be in such a hurry to live with your friend. That will agonize your parents and make them think Satan's got their child, and bring out the tiger protecting her cubs kind of reaction. It could actually really antagonize them and ruin he relationship. Wait a couple of years. I know it's hard because you're all torn up and young now, and you probably want to do something decisive.

    But the real key is to learn. It's taken many of us til our adult lives, some even in their 60's, to learn that "Jehovah's" organization is just another man made religion, albeit it a very controlling and aggressive one. These people gave decades to it to realize they were serving a false god as it were. You have your adult life ahead of you so well done for seeing the light!

  • BluePill2

    Hi doughnutkitty,

    Welcome and congrats for being brave. This isn't easy, but it also isn't "rocket science". Freedom - be it from religion, oppressive regimes, beating husbands, etc. comes at a price. I always say that Freedom is my Ferrari. Very costly, but also appreciated.

    Now, some practical things. If you have a chance read this: http://www.raptitude.com/2010/10/9-mind-bending-epiphanies-that-turned-my-world-upside-down/

    Especially points 2 and 3. Life unfolds only in present moments. Maybe you are creating a lot of stress about things that have not happened yet. It is good to create a Plan, but don't get obsessed with future events that only exist in your mind. No need to create anxiety because of the things you are learning. You can and will get through with this - like many others here.

    You don't have to solve all the dilemmas today. Slice by slice.

    Keep posting. Most of us have gone through similar situations or even worse. Keep your head up.

  • Seraphim23

    Hello doughnutkitty, your very wise to see the difference between the emotional world and the intellectual world. You can obviously see that your mind is telling you one thing but the feelings are doing what they do in a different direction. To be raised in a world view means that it is your first perspective on the world and to see that it has problems and contradictions that don’t stack up with the claims of truth properly means fear. That is natural because it is unfamiliar from where and what you are a product of, and you don’t yet have other world views to measure it against. That is because you’re just starting out. You will get more knowledge as you go on and more world views to add to the single one you currently have and when that happens you won’t have fear and the emotional inertia you might be feeling now. University sounds like a good plan to me and a way to increase knowledge.

    The more knowledge you get as you learn and get more life experience, the more your emotional side will start harmonising with your intellectual side. To put it bluntly, where you invest yourself, you heart will follow to that place in time. It is good you’re not baptised into the JWs because that will allow for a better relationship with your parents even though you chose a different path, at least it increases that possibility. You seem like a remarkable young person who values truth over the label truth.

  • zeb

    what would you like to study at college/uni?

  • MrFreeze

    doughnutkitty, welcome to the forum. Since you are still living under the rule of your parents, it is best to take care until you are old enough/able to leave.

    My suggestion for your emotions would be keep researching about the WT and the Bible. The more you do that, the more you'll see the facts and be more and more convinced that the WT is wrong. www.jwfacts.com is a great place for that.

    You do have a leg up on a lot of other people on this forum. You were never baptised. Keep it that way.

  • Truth seeker 674
    Truth seeker 674

    Well said all and welcome doughnutkitty. You are very intelligent!!!

  • Lied2NoMore

    Keep all your non-cult friends. They won't shun you if WT says you should be shunned. DONT EVER get baptized as a JW.

    They think baptism is a legal contract you have made with them to run your life how they like it and if you resist they will DF you.

    Read all the books recommended here. Maybe "captives of a concept" would help you at this point to confirm your not in the "one and only true religion".

    Its a mentally traumatic trip but you will feel much more happy and smarter for taking it.

    Live your life happy and chase your dreams. JW's will hate seeing someone who has left and is happy.

  • LisaRose

    Many here have recommended the book Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan. The reason you are having problems is that you have basically been indoctrinated for 16 years, that doesn't go away overnight, even if you know what you know. Give yourself time. Your plan seems like a good one, going to college will give you critical thinking skills to avoid getting sucked back in, and give you job skills so you will be independent. Be kind to your parents, even if they give you a hard time, they really just wants what is best for you (even if they are wrong), but be firm that you do not want the religion. As I am sure you know, if you get baptized, then want to leave, you parents will shun you, so whatever you do, don't get baptized. I had a friend who raised Mormon, but didn't want to get married at 18 and be a Mormon like all her sisters, so she became an emancipated minor at 16, got herself a job and her own apartment ( a friend's mom signed the lease). So, if the excrement the the fan, it can be done, but it's better if you can stay until you are 18, it will make things easier.

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