I'm new to this forum and wanted to give everyone a shout out. I've been a silent observer of this forum for a long time, but now I feel it's time for me to break the silence and get involved. I've been inactive since November of last year. At first, I was turned off by a number of "stumbling" actions by my "brothers and sisters." Then doctrinal doubts came up, but they were subtle. For example, I started questioning little things like, why can't sisters pass the mics? That's not teaching the congregation. Then it progressed to things like questioning whats really wrong with celebrating birthdays, which I was able to prove to myself that the practice in itself is not wrong. More recently, I've been reading Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, which has enlightened me a lot, but I still have more left to go and will probably have to read it again. It sure takes a long time to research over 20 years worth of indoctrination and sometimes just the monotony of life alone can get in the way. However, I am at a point where I just don't feel that I can give of myself to the Congo anymore. Even if everything I've been taught isn't false and I discover that, I just can't do it right now! I can't read another mind-numbing publication, I can't sit through another meeting, assembly, or convention and be told that God has the right to control every single thing I do. I especially can't take going out in service, hoping I don't get paired with that annoying brother or sister, or riding around in the car for 15-20 mins then knocking on doors in the sweltering heat (its extremely hot where I live) only for no one to be home. Besides, I've never been a people person, so nothing about the Witness life fits my personality. The sheer culture of being a witness is completely wrong for me. But anyways, kind of gives you an idea of where I'm at right now. I'd love to hear from you folks soon.