by James Jackson 40 Replies latest watchtower bible
Sarahsmiles: I would like to know if you are an elder at this time? Did your son confess his sins?
I am not an Elder at this time, though served over 20 years. My Son did confess, but was not going to leave "the worldly girl."He has since moved elsewhere, got a job and has returned going to meetings.
To this day, it's still very hard, as someone who has never been an elder, to fully grasp elders' perspective. Even folks on here who were once elders--I'm still having difficulty being able to forgive even the ones who have awakened. Maybe it's wrong to feel that way and it's nothing personal against any of you. I think it's just...I can remember trying my best to pour my heart out to them in the distant past and feeling like they were utterly useless. Their responses were either devoid of compassion and even basic Christian decency or something I could have read in the Watchtower myself.
I only ever saw them as policemen, or prison guards. They always seemed aloof, different, in a way that...well, seemed devoid of what I imagined exemplary Christians would look like. They were always hustling here and there, or meeting together like Knights of the Round Table, and they'd greet you and you wondered if they were mind-readers or had X-ray vision so you said little and stayed out of trouble. I did get to deal with the congregation accounts for awhile so it gave me a chance to work a little closer with them. (The accounts were always a mess, needlessly hard to reconcile, and frankly it was either that WT's accounting instructions made no sense or we just weren't following them, or maybe both. And I say that as an accountant myself [not that I care much for accounting, but that's another story].)
But they generally seemed joyless. Looking at their lives (not so much their flaws, though they had plenty, but the quality of their lives in terms of 'do they look happy?'), I realized I did not want to be an elder. What person of conscience could sit in judgment of his fellowman and not second-guess himself, wonder if he really made the right choice? And you have to choose to cut this person off from their whole world. I couldn't sleep at night knowing I'd done that.
I figured that people who could had to have something wrong inside, something missing. Something that should be there the most for men entrusted with judging.
It wasn't until my own judicial committee that I finally saw the true face of the organization, and of what elders can be. They don't and can't hear what you are saying. They don't know who you are and can't know who you are. Their job is just that, a job. Hired men looking after the sheep. Maybe even hired wolves looking after the sheep. There aren't even bones left when they're done. There seems to be no consciousness of what they are doing to people. PEOPLE.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive a person, but...how could you do it? Does it bother you now?
I feel that elders were among the most active participants in the spiritual and emotional abuse of millions of people. We all had our part, all of our hands are dirty. I don't think I'll ever feel clean again.
I guess it's something I have to figure out how to deal with. I'm proud of the ex-elders (or even current elders) who have awakened and have done their best to show conscience and compassion. Maybe it's really that I'm ashamed I was part of this, too, though not as an elder. I don't know.
Sorry, I got carried away. Sounds like some pretty crazy stories you guys had to deal with. It never ceases to amaze me.
--sd-7
How could anyone stay in and actually know the TATT Eden? You remind me of those that are always studying and never able to come to an accurate knowledge of TTAT, or maybee you are are just a coward
we all have our own priorites turth seeker. as do yo. we all make choices for our own reasons and there will always be others that disagree with those choices
I too have sat on committees and disfellowshipped too many people thus wrecking so many families. Sometimes it was for no more than smoking cigarettes, a bad habit we know but Scripturally "wicked"??
Like the O/P , when I was first appointed, in my twenties, I was keen to be involved, it made me feel important (sorry but that is true) I wanted to be involved in the serious stuff. I then spent days in a funk wondering what right I had to judge another..There were many cases after that and some reinstatements, which were happier.
Children would be the worst. Thankfully I never had to deal with a really young person. NB Dis you see the new WT on line that talks about d/f'd kids? It graciously says that they can still sit with their parents. What the hell are they doing d/fing children anyway? If they acknowledge them as such how can they justify baptizing them??
I too served as an elder for almost 25 years and was on many jc's - many of which turned out for the better (contrary to conventional GB wisdom I always erred on the side of mercy). Even 1 d/f was too many for me and there have been many. Since leaving ( three years) I battled with my conscience as to the share I had in changing these people's lives. Some trully warranted it - such as one, whose offspring was the product of a relationship with his maternal aunt who went on to molest and stalk his daugher. If I could have ripped his meat and two veg off that night I would have done it.
I have consoled myself in realizing I was equally dupped and regardless of my actions there is a God that cares otherwise. Add to this that whenever possible when I encounter one I have been part of a d/f I make sure that I tell them how sorry I am and that I had no right to do what I did and that their relationship with God is there own, not one dtermined by a bunch of men.
Ding: I can empathize with JJ, many of us who served as elders did it because we trully believed at the time we were doing what was right. The majority who served did it out of self serving reasons, many of which were delusions of self importance. Quite a few I noted seemed to enjoy the details and making a woman feel like crap.
Welcome JJ!! YOu will find many more like you who have had the scales fall off.
@ sd-7 - I am sorry you still have those feelings for people who once served as elders, but you have to remember that the same way you were bamboozled into thinking that this org was the best way to go and its rules were what god wanted - most elders feel the same until they have the realization that it may not be so.
I know I personally did follow that rulebook to the letter and I at times felt that it was harsh but I would always refer to the scripture that states God's thoughts are higher than ours so I would always write my doubts off as me not being holy enough to see things Gods' way. I am sorry for what happened to you but we are all just victims of a corrupt religious system.
I also was on judicial committees. I hated those meetings. To sat down with "friends", judge them, and ruin our relationships. At least they were adults and not children. Also I was fortunate to have been in those meetings with reasonable elders and not ones who were power hungry or law and order types. Still those meetings were awful.
JJ - I understand how you feel and can relate. Fortunately I usually avoided JCs like the plague and only got sucked into a few. Even if the person only got reproof, I often had trouble sleeping realizing the pain the person was going through. When I finally woke up, I realized that the whole process was terribly wrong and that knot in my stomach was my conscious telling me that what I was involved with just wasn't right.
The problem is that most elders as simply as brain washed (even more so) as the rest of the JWs. So, they believe that they are doing God's will. So while some may feel bad afterward, they rationalize it by saying they are only doing what God wants them to do.
sd-7 - I hear you man. I often beat myself up for getting duped into believing in the WTS. The past is the past. We can only impact what we chose to do with the rest of our lives. Sure, I feel awful for participating in the cult's activities to the degree I did. The meeting parts, studying with others (thankfully I never got a student to baptism), the shepherding visits, the elder's meetings where we judged and dissected members of the congregation like we were sales managers, all that stuff. But, what's done is done. I take responsiblity for what I was involved with and yes it is a cult and yes, I was raised that way so I thought I was doing the right thing. All I know is that now, even though I'm still stuck in for family, I will never again influence one other person to tow the WT line.
So don't get too down about whatever level you participated in the past. Just make sure that you don't support the cult going forward. That's all you can really do.
Thanks for sharing James Jackson your perspective.
Since DF'ing and DA'ing is probably the quickest way to see TTATT for a JW, it is too bad that elders who see TTATT either unanimously don't DF JWs or anonymously send DF'ed/DA'ed JWs links to on-line ex-JW support forums, to websites like www.jwfacts.com and www.freeminds.org, and/or www.freedomofmind.com. There is still plenty of time for ex-elders/elders to send anonymous emails/notes to exJWs/JWs who they DA'ed/DF'ed.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
James Jackson said:
"I have seen Committees DF or Reproved parents for not obeying the command to "Quit mixing in company...1 Cor.5:9" for keeping a relationship with their child."
It doesn't surprise me that certain elder bodies would do that, but the current elder book doesn't require this. It says that judicial action is not required when family members associate with DFed relatives. Only if they are "justifying the wrong course" is judicial action necessary. This is a dirty little secret most power-loving elders like to keep quiet so that they can bluff the flock into thinking they will be DFed for talking to their DFed relative.
om
