Ok so i havent posted on here in over a year, i think i posted like a few times, then disappeared.
Has anyone else like just shut it out? like i joined here as soon as i found out, then after a month or two i just didnt want to think about it; i had my final exams, elders creeping about, my mom got crazier, i was starting college, other kinda issues, which made me just blot everything i learnt about my religion out. im now 19, and in the past 3 months i started lurking here again, also researching stuff like comparitive mythology, the history of jehovah/yahweh, and historical accuracy of the bible, all without the depression and internal conflict i felt at the start. i feel like i was shocked, then in a state of denial, and now im starting to accept it. Did anyone else go through those stages?
One big thing that helped me through this was songwriting/poetry. i got into college, music college, and started speaking to a free college counsellor, and also regular one on ones with a songwriting lecturer. i told him about my fear of writing about some things, (like if i wrote about TTATT it could out me), he told me to not be afraid and that it would probably be my best work. i had written bits and pieces but put none to music, or played them to anyone. i played him some stuff and he said just lie! so thats been pretty theraputic for me, and ive been writing more and more. maybe one day ill have a whole album dedicated to leaving JWdom!
Unfortunately im still going but im moving out soon, and shall never step foot inside a hall again! ive been worming in little doubts with my mother about the org. For instance, last weeks WT(is your teaching up to date) i flat out told her i didnt believe the overlapping generation teaching, after a bit of debate she just said "yeah, im not sure its quite accurate" so there may be hope! she knows my "love for the truth" has cooled off, and has stopped being so psychotic about certain things. However, i still fear for her mental health should i leave, after finding what could be construed as a suicide text when my 2 siblings left saved as a draft on her phone.
Also, my girlfriend, 3 years together now, has been so amazing and been there when i needed her the most. without her, i never would have got in trouble, been labelled an "independent thinker", and found mental and psychological freedon. needless to say, she knows the nasty side of the WT, as do several of my new college friends. its been amazing starting over without the cult tag on me in college!
So yeah, sorry this is so long, and i dunno if anyone even remembers me, but i hope people can get some positive vibes from my story. im in a really good place now, and things can only get better. i know that i still have a bit to go, but the time will come, and even though things have been crap, at least i have writing material! i Cant post the song on this, as it will reveal my identity, but i wanna share some lyrics that i wrote, its written from an outsiders(My girlfriends) perspective looking in at my life in the truth. and this board wont let me make the structure nice :(
"Was your mother, afraid to be alone? Was your father, ruler of the throne? Did he hurt you? Well he hurt me too, oh i would give all my blood to you.
Oh doctrine, that beat you down, and those verses, that pound pound pound, well you'd knock, on saturdays, who would ever wanna live that way?
So dont settle, for less than truth, and i will give all my blood to you, so dont settle, for less than truth, and i will give all my blood to you.
Does it matter, where we go? Hidden letters, beneath floorboards, hidden in truth, and then we'll see, oh how can I believe in you Yahweh.
So don't settle for less than truth, and i will give, all my blood to you. So don't settle, for less than truth, and i will give, all my blood to you. Because paradise. . .it's being close to you."