MIL letter to my wife

by AggieNostic 71 Replies latest jw experiences

  • return of parakeet
    return of parakeet

    During a recent dust-up with my dub mom, she wrote me a truly vitriolic letter in which she elaborated at length on all my character "defects," the most prominent of course was my turning away from The Truth.

    After reading the letter, I put it into an envelope and mailed it back to her with no comment whatsoever. We didn't talk for almost a year over that.

    I finally made the overture to reconcile and she agreed. She then told me she showed the letter to one of her dub friends at the hall and asked her if she thought it was "hurtful." This friend read it and told her quietly,"That's pretty mean, Sister ---."

    Even another braindead dub realized how vicious my mother could be. Yet I was the one who had to make the peace.

    I often wish I hadn't.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    Don't respond. Ignore it. Sounds as though it was motivated by jealously and feeling ignored. If she pursues the subject in person, tell her not to be ridiculous.

  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    return of parakeet: After reading the letter, I put it into an envelope and mailed it back to her with no comment whatsoever. She then told me she showed the letter to one of her dub friends at the hall and asked her if she thought it was "hurtful." This friend read it and told her quietly,"That's pretty mean, Sister ---."

    Well played!

  • whathappened
    whathappened

    outsmartthesystem: Loved the way you articulated your thoughts. Right on.

    Aggienostic: Good point another poster had about this being your wife's mother and you should proceed however she feels comfortable.

    I wouldn't respond too soon or in anger. I would tell her that once you all "catch your breath" after reading her letter, you will respond. Let her know that nothing she would do would ever make you decide to shun her and that you are hurt by her letter. Tell her that you will have to wait till the hurt dies down a little before responding to her letter.

    Also, your son is a man now, in college and is free to make his own decisions about who he associates with. You have taught him to love his family and he does. If she has a problem with this she should take it up with your son.

  • sspo
    sspo

    Congratulate them on their 50th annyversary, remind them how much you love them and even though they are making the decision to stop associating, you will always be there for them.

    As they get older and might need assistance and help, phisically, emotionally and materially you will always be there for them, no matter what.

    Nothing negative but reassurance of your love for them.

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    I don't think Jehovah is asking too much from you, do you??

    Well, you could say, what about:-

    Giving up Xmas

    Birthdays

    a life-saving blood transfusion

    Easter

    Mother's day

    Father's day

    weekends

    non-JW books

    non-JW friends

    independent thoughts

    higher education

    careers

    a decent standard of living

    money for holidays

    money for a nice home

    Is Jehovah asking too much? Only our entire life.

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    Actually I wouldn't respond at all. I would continue doing whatever it is you do. JW's always feel like you are REQUIRED to respond to questions, threats, accusations, etc etc.

    I like that idea, but please see a PM coming your way.

    Doc

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    What a horrid letter. I would be so angry it would be better not to respond, otherwise I'd write something like, "I love you Mum. Despite your cold and manipulative letter, I will still be here for you if and when you come to your senses." Maybe just ignore it, that will annoy the MIL. Also, Nuggets letter is very good, though you could add a couple of comments that Oubliette wrote.

  • Bob_NC
    Bob_NC

    I say DO reply and reply with love, unconditional love. Keep it simple. Like this:

    Dear Mom and Dad,

    We love you more than anything. You raised us well and you continue to be good parents. We love all our family, even when we don't agree. You are always mom and dad.

    Your daughter always,

    Daughter

  • problemaddict
    problemaddict

    Hey Aggie,

    Forgive me I don't now much about what you currently believe so its hard to think about what you would say and have it be authentic. I mean to want to address them from where YOU are at, or do you want to address them in their language from where THEY are at. See what I mean? Reasoning on things you no longer believe for the sake of a conversation can be hard, but can also get the job done.

    So here are some thoughts.

    Why no acknowledge the good they have done as parents in keeping you alive, and here you are enjoying your life. Then follow it with the fact that while you appreciate all they have done for you, that their current stance is not welcome. It isn't Christian, it isn't what Jehovah wants, and it certainly is not loving or kind.

    You don't reject Jehovah (or whoever you believe God is if your name is any indication), you reject those that teach in his name that you no longer believe are led by him? They are equating "Jehovah" and "the organization" as the same thing in the letter of course. Maybe address that?

    Tell them you don't consider your love for your parents to be in competition for your love for your brother, and it is imporper for them to suggest that, especially when they are the ones that are deciding to cut off communication for no scriptural reason. They are addressing this supposed idea that YOU are compromising their relationship with Jehovah. They are saying YOU are choosing not to be around them because of your life choices and association with your family. Perhaps it is a good idea to use some of the scriptures against them? How about Jesus coming to put a sword between father and son? How about nobody wil lose daughters, and sons, and mothers for my sake and not multiply? Only use those scriptures in conjuction with making a scriptural point about them not believing things that are real, if you chose to go that route. Otherwise do not.

    Its amazing that someone could be sendign you a letter claiming love, and then telling you to stop associating with your family, , holding hostage and running guilt trips the 50th wedding anniversary, and then YOU are the ones serving Satan. It really is amazing. Since they claim love ina few places, why not explain what love really is and is not? Maybe it will help them to see the shame that they SHOULD be feeling. Don't shy back from treating them with respect and dignity, but going for them feeling shame as well.

    Thats my 2 cents worth.

    To my dearest daughter to whom we love very much. I'm writing this letter because it would be too hard for me to speak to you person to person.

    I look back on our life raising you children and though our life wasn't perfect, we had a good life. We raised the three of you the best we knew how and the most important part of that was teaching you the truth about Jehovah. We'd hoped that you would serve Jehovah forever, but you and "DB" (DF'd Brother) decided differently. Granted it is your choice to do what you want in your life. But your Dad, "JB" (my wife's JW Brother) and I have chosen to serve Jehovah forever and to be loyal to him. I would like more than anything if you, your family and "DB" and his family would return to Jehovah.

    A scripture comes to mind that you and your family need to consider: Deut 30:19-20 "I do take the heavens and the earth as witnesses agains you today that I have put life and death before you, the blessings and maledictions, and you must choose life in order that you may keep alive, you and your offspring, by loving Jehovah your God, by listening to his voice and by stick to him." I don't think Jehovah is asking too much from you, do you??

    For the last two Mondays, I have seen "MS" (My college age son) come out our way to go mushrooming with "DB" (my DF'd brother-in-law) who is disfellowshipped and this seems more important to him than have a relationship with his grandparents. Since all of you prefer to have with all of your disfellowshipped relatives makes it seem you love being with them more than you do those who serve Jehovah. You know we've talked to you about this before, but I guess you don't care what we think.

    So again, there will have to be some changes in our relationship with your family. Because of your decision to associate with your brother and "DS" (my DF'd younger sister), we will have to stop our association with your family. You know our 50th Anniversary is next year and because of your continued time spent with disfellowshipped individuals you will not be welcomed to one of the most important days of our life when your family should be by your side. Of course you have time to change your life and come back to Jehovah.

    When I see you at the Kingdom Hall or hear that you are attending meetings on a regular basis, then I will know if you truly want to be on Jehovah's side. As you well know by now your Dad and I will not compromise our relationship with Jehovah. Do you remember the scripture at Matt 6:24 where it says "No one can slave for two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stick to the one and despise the other. You cannot slave for God and for Riches." So "MW" (my wife) which will it be??

    I hope this gives you some thought as to who you will serve, God or Satan. We hope you choose Jehovah. We long to be a close family again. I'll close this letter with our scripture test for today and also a picture that shows we were once a happy family.

    All the love that we can give,

    Mom and Dad

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