I'm about 4 months into my fade- things were going ok at first. If I didn't get ready to go to the meeting or FS, neither did my family. Recently, hubby has become more sensitive and now will take the family whether I go or not. What should I do? Go with them so at least I know what they're hearing. Or stay home so I don't vomit uncontrollably? I feel like I have to say something at some point, but all the advice is not to say anything and just keep feigning depression/ being busy/ being discouraged etc. I'm more and more worried about my kids. Last week my son said " I sure hope Jehovah Witnessers are right about paradise. I guess the only way I'll know is if I die and wake up in paradise." what if he decides to check out the premise? the stakes are high for me, but I don't want to ruin everything by forcing the issue. Help!
Need advice in my fade
by dissonance_resolved 14 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
OnTheWayOut
I went back to see what you had to say about your kids before. It seems you are not up to forcing any issues about your kids.
That said, there really is no point in going "so at least I know what they're hearing." You know what they are hearing for the most part. It changes slowly and kids just get the basics out of it.
The best I see you doing for your kids is "not going." They will see that. It might take a long time, but they will eventually understand something about your not going, either by asking you or by personally not wanting to go.
-
Honesty
Your children will think everything is alright with the religion if you go back.
If you stay away they may investigate the religion on their own.
Children have great BS meters.
That is why JW's have the lowest retention rate of born-ins than any other denomination.
-
Julia Orwell
Teach the kids about north Korea and its totalitarian methods. Maybe they'll say, gee, that sounds familiar...
-
crmsicl
Don't go back. Let them come home and see you happy and engaged in something worthwhile.
-
moshe
I'm more and more worried about my kids.
If your fade is extended, those kids that you love could get baptised- and now you are stuck in the KH!! Those kids will be mighty upset, if they find out 5, 6 or more years from now that you knew the truth about the truth and sat on that information due to fear of man- and this cost them a normal childhood.- sports, clubs, normal friends and possibly college and a career.
There is no easy way to be honest= telling the truth about your new beliefs concerning the WT religion and avoid having to walk the plank-- the old adage- you reap what you sow, means that there are consequences for leaving a high control (cult) religion.
You will get plenty of advice from faders on how to successfuly kick the can farther down the road. An alcoholic can tell you how to put off fixing a problem drinking, too.
You have two roads- one the WT has set out for you and it is based on lies, all lies.
The other is the road that comes from telling the truth- this road ultimately leads to the real life you are meant to live-- the one that has freedom as it's foundation.
To thine own self be true, that is what I subscribe to.
The first step starts with a personal promise-= no more lying.
-
Gayle
The kids (sorry, don't know ages) will soon be jealous of you not having to go. If you can be mentally stimulating and fun with them, they will get drawn to the positive attitude and interest you show in life. If they come home repeating something said about you by a JW or husband, like you don't love Jehovah and will be destroyed at "A" (like what happened to me one time), I just smiled and said "No, God isn't going to do that to me because I love God and "you," forever with all my heart, so there!" And gave a tickle. Keep up your good-heartedness, love and joy of this life and they will follow. It would be 'very' rare for a child to be drawn to JW life if they truly have a choice.
-
Mum
You might talk to them about what they "learned" at the meetings, not because you're interested in the BS but because you will feel involved in what they're doing. Plan some fun activities with the kids on non-meeting days and evenings. Talk to a counselor about books for kids their age that might teach them critical thinking skills. Be sure thay know that you love them and what you're doing is not a reflection on them and has nothing to do with your feelings for them.
It sounds like they're old enough to reason things out, so just drop some thoughtful comments into the conversation from time to time.
Stand your ground. Things take time. Your best asset right now is patience.
-
moshe
Here is a faders nightmare- One child wants to quit the KH and the other sticks with the dad-- what to do?- do you support the child who wants out?- If you do that, then you have to reveal that you know the truth about the Truth.- and then all hell breaks loose anyway. Or do you continue to bite your lip and let the Father and other child mentally beat up the child who doesn't want to go to the KH meetings anymore? - suppose this delay leads to the older child getting baptised and other child does not get baptised.
Adults have the right to choose to believe the WT garbage- trickery and pyscho mind games to wake up JW believers fails more times than it works, IMO.
-
problemaddict
Argh! This is always very difficult, because you just never know how its going to end up. My wife takes our toddler to the hall. She is slowly waking up, but even still, cannot envision herself away from the hall because of family. She would rather live a double life (in reverse), than give up her fam.
So my kid now just goes and hangs out and gets attention from really nice people. But once he starts understanding things, lets just say that wednesdays will be "daddy days".