how do you cope with the stress of fading? (page 2)

Pickler

Hey brain melt, I'm sorry your going through this stress, but, once you know TATT, you can never go back & "unknow" it.

Your kids will give you strength, look at them & feel really proud of yourself, look at what you are doing. You are raising children to be mentally free, you know what a gift that is, you know this mental crap that we all carry around with us will stop with you....they will be free.

It will get easier & easier as long as you remember that & as you watch your kids embrace their lives without fear, you are breaking a cycle!

Time to look after yourself though, that's for sure. I practise yoga & meditation. It really helps me. Maybe it will work for you, maybe something else?

Whatever it is, don't feel guilty. Look at the times you used to go to meetings & do something else that you enjoy instead, take a class, go to the gym, go for a jog.....possibilities are endless......

good luck to you brain melt, don't worry too much & don't feel you have to explain yourself to others yet either. Just make sure you get some pleasure in every day, turn your phone on silent & enjoy!

free2beme

legalized pot

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Good advice already.

" I have days where I just cry all day - specifically Fridays, where I'm dreading the weekends - meetings/ministry/guilt of missing ministry."

This kinda reminds me of the "self-destruct mechanism" that WT builds into us when we try to leave. Rather than rejoicing at the thought of finally being liberated from their oppression and abuse, we feel depression and dread because WT has always told us that without them our lives would be terrible. Leaving WT, our lives would horribly fall apart and we'd come crawling back to them or die some terrible death. Frankly, the vast majority of exJWs go on to live good lives, and plenty of JWs that stay in the cult live terrible lives that fall apart and they die some terrible death.

If you have the chance to get professional counselling, go for it. Otherwise, from my purely amateurish opinion, it sounds like you are fading rather nicely and can have a smile on Fridays since you don't have the hassle of wasting your weekend recruiting for and getting brainwashed by a cult. And rather than stressing out about possible confrontations with family, realize that you don't have to rush into any decisions or completely expose your every thought to your family. Armageddon isn't coming tomorrow with baby Jesus slicing you open if you leave the JWs or if you stay for the time being. And if anyone gives you a hard time about JW inactivity just tell them that you've been suffering from "surprise diarrhea" or "explosive flatulence" and the doctor has recommended that you stay away from crowds until you find medication that works.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me2H7Ja93Wg

Black Sheep

Give yourself something constructive to do. Here is my suggestion.

Get a book on critical thinking and study it. If you choose this one Teach Your Child How to Think, study it with your husband, asking him to take the lead in preparation for studying it with his children. Make him analyse any excuse he tries to use not to do this. Make him honestly defend any reason he gives for why the book shouldn't be studied, or is wrong.

Then ....

Don't let your husband avoid thinking things through. He has to understand that his doubts are soundly based .... NOT YOUR DOUBTS ...... HIS DOUBTS, so do not express your opinions and doubts, make him confront his through questioning.

Nobody is free from any cult until they fully understand it is a scam. Your best chance of getting any family member to see the scam is before they ID you as apostate, weak in the faith, opposer, whatever, so son't blow your advantage by outing yourself prematurely.

SkyGreen

breathe in, breathe out..

be careful what you share with your husband or despite your trust in him keeping private conversations private, you may find his WT trained conscience gets the better of him... thats whats happened with me.

I am kind of relieved, kind of sad. I have gone from fading to faDED in under 24 hours. Not going to ANY meetings now, because Im avoiding any awkward conversations.

edited to add - just reread your post, sounds like your hubby is even less of a real dub than mine... i reckon if you keep fading, he'll follow you. No need to mention anything yet. Let him bring it up.

LoisLane looking for Superman

Good Evening Brain Melt...((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) You are already, doing so well!

Your Sweetheart little children, need you. They need you to give them clean, happy and tranquil surroundings. After supper, they need their baths, some down time, then off to early bedtime. There is no time for KHall, when you have small children. Their health and normal bedtime come first. Make up whatever stories you can think of and don't go to the Hall. Don't go in service. I know, easier said than done, but stick up for your children. Your children don't need to absorb rejection every Sat. morning . It isn't normal. Be careful of your JW relatives indoctrinating them, when you are not around. Those videos and stories for children are horrible.

You are a Mom. Protect your little family, Jehovah can look after his "own" feelings. You aren't going to be hurting him. And Jesus...Wasn't he all about love? The ones mad are the Governing Body who are already counting your money that you are going to give them as the decades of your life, waste away as a "servant" of theirs.

PM...private message me anytime you feel like dumping, without being on a public forum.

Remember, being here, you are already taking giant steps, to make sure you have normal children, that will love you even more, for not raising them with manmade stupid demands.

You are doing great, Brain Drain.

Keep up the good work. Your children deserve a healthy and happy mom and dad. You have already started. Yay for you!

Just Lois

brainmelt

Thank you all for your lovely comments, it really means so much to have all you lovely friends on here who understand what i'm going through. I am taking on board all your suggestions. I really need to try and take things slowly (difficult when you just want out asap) and to try and relax and breath. I had started doing yoga a few months ago but i've been feeling too stressed to even do that so I'll try again.

Billy: Armageddon isn't coming tomorrow with baby Jesus slicing you open if you leave the JWs or if you stay for the time being. And if anyone gives you a hard time about JW inactivity just tell them that you've been suffering from "surprise diarrhea" or "explosive flatulence" and the doctor has recommended that you stay away from crowds until you find medication that works. - this genuinely made me laugh out loud. If all fails and no one leaves me alone, I will have to use this one for sure

I've woken up this morning with a sore chest and I feel like i'm coming down with something yet again. My husband is the same, we are feeling completely run down. I know that for my own health now and my future health, I need to take a break and be kind to myself and husband needs to do the same. Stress isn't good for the body and I'm beginnning to fear how it could affect my health in the future.

I think some professional counselling is in order, I'm 30 years old and having to start all over and change my whole mind set. Its both terrifying and extremely exciting all at the same time.

Thank you all again for your lovely suggestions

Brainmelt x

Max Divergent

I hated giving prayers before meals. I really hated it. It was so f'ing stupid. I felt like a dick doing it and that was the first thing I stopped doing: that was my spiritual lead to Mrs D. We went from there.

You said you're the spiritual head - forgive me, but in that f'd up world he is. Let him take the lead. It sounds like he'll lead you to the couch drinking wine. You don't have to do everything: let him take some heat: when the elders come, it's him they'll talk to. The wives and your family will talk to you: blame him - they can't do a damned thing against him except tell their husbands. He just has to parry them off, and he has the right to do that in their world.

Take advantage of their misogyny whenever possible.

Gypsy Sam

Exercising. Volunteering with causes I believe in. Socializing with new friends. Good tea and wine. Reminding myself that it's not me; it's them.

how do you cope with the stress of fading?

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