Thanks for sharing
Why I Stayed Married to my "Apostate" Husband for 30 Years. Help for those whose marriages are in trouble now that you have left The Lie.
by rubadubdub 35 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Black Sheep
For a moment I thought you were my missus.
-
Julia Orwell
Beautiful story! Thanks so much for sharing. I'm now the 'unbeliever' in my marriage and it gives me so much hope! My husband and I have had some in depth and passionate discussions and there's a tiny effect as he works meeting nites and hasn't been witnessing for a couple of months.
Your story gives me so much hope that thinking people can wake up on their own!!!!
-
Julia Orwell
Beautiful story! Thanks so much for sharing. I'm now the 'unbeliever' in my marriage and it gives me so much hope! My husband and I have had some in depth and passionate discussions and there's a tiny effect as he works meeting nites and hasn't been witnessing for a couple of months.
Your story gives me so much hope that thinking people can wake up on their own!!!!
-
gone for good
Villagegirl -
How could you possibly have posted here 267 times, yet not know the circumstance, or at least the personality
of one of the forums most loved and most respected contributors?
Just curious...really curious.
-
wannaexit
wow I am in awe. Thanks for sharing
-
Bugbear
Your story is very similar to mine. It is just that my wife has not left the organisation yet.
Whole of our family (6 children and 2 grandchildren) is waiting for that moment. We notice that when a celebration time is coming up (christmas, birthday a.s.f.) my wife starts to be very nervous, and woiuld rather flee from the situation. It´s so sad, when we instead could enjoy our happy family sit.
Bugbear
-
rubadubdub
gone for good, Thanks for stepping up. I am new to the forum, and didn't know how to respond the the intensity of villagegirl's post. jgnats's posts have helped me to get my sea legs on this forum, and I am happy to have shared something of value to her.
villagegirl, This is what I have to offer you after sleeping on it. I'm so happy to see you have a beautiful child in your arms in your avatar!
Kindness (Stanza 3) Before you know kindness /as the deepest thing inside, /you must know sorrow /as the other deepest thing. /You must wake up with sorrow. /You must speak to it till your voice /catches the thread of all sorrows /and you see the size of the cloth. /Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore, /only kindness that ties your shoes /and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread, /only kindness that raises its head /from the crowd of the world to say /it is I you have been looking for, /and then goes with you everywhere /like a shadow or a friend.
Naomi Shihab Nye (1953-) http://www.wussu.com/poems/nsnkind.htm
-
rubadubdub
thecrushed wrote:
Im in the same exact situation. I woke up a year ago and its been pure mental torture for both of us. I'm smart enough not to oppose her but it is beginning to wear on me and is turning us both into alcoholics. I have never even raised my voice to her and I have even had to endure screaming fits from her and yet I'm perceived as mentally abusing her. This religion is like poison. I have done nothing but be supportive and loyal husband but I guess nothing counts unless you.continue to swallow the bullshit of the wts.
Yes, it is pure mental torture for both of you. If your wife is anything like me she feels like she is living in two different worlds. One in which she dearly loves her husband, the other in which she is taught to hate her husband for what he has done-- the unthinkable. Before we married we promised each other we would raise our children together in "The Truth" I felt abandonned, betrayed and lonely. I was afraid. The fear-mongering is overwhelming to sensitive souls.
My hubby says I was always angry, and I was. I was incensed at the control, the gossip, the hypocricy of having two elders who counseled me to work harder at my marriage leave their wives for other women. I was exhausted. Raising two children in The Lie was a 20-hour-a-week job for this dub Good Wife. My husband made the mistake of turning his back on my anger. Lean toward your wife's anger with gentleness. Ask her why she is so angry. I think I would have vented, had I been asked, and it would have helped me see what I was doing to myself, our children and our marriage was really what was making me so angry. He buried himself in work-- self-medication. I beg you not to go the route of self-medicating with alcohol. Alcohol and addiction run rampant in my family. You are only adding fuel to the fire. Trust me on this one, please.
Find ways to spend time with your wife away from home, as that is no longer a neutral, safe place for either of you. Do things outdoors together. On one of our last boat charters before I walked away, I literally had the thought, "Wouldn't life be so much simpler, without all those meetings? I would love to live the rest of my days in my bare feet with my face in the wind." I loved it when we took yearly pilgramages to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens for Cherry Blossom Season. Enjoy "Jehovah's Creation" together and take her for long weekends away together and away for the poisonous WTB$. I recently found out I absolutly love kayaking! That could be an inexpensive activity if you are near enough to water. I advise getting two one-person kayaks. No fun looking at someone's back for hours at a time, and be playful. Bumper kayaks and trying to turn one another over is a blast!
You can do this!
-
rubadubdub
Black Sheep, thanks for the laugh!
Julia Orwell, I have been following your story, and I do believe you have good reason to be hopeful. Stay the course!
Bugbear, I promise you she is running, because she is afraid. Also, remember, if she is the last one standing, the cruelest hook of all is that she feels she has to stay to be there as a beacon for your family to return. Have empathy. I guess that's my message in all of this. If at all possible, put aside your hurt and/or anger long enough to see your partner's pain, and then do what you can to alleviate that pain in a gentle way. Listen to her pain, even if only by observing her. Figure out what she needs to hear from you. The things that got you out are likely not the things that matter to her, otherwise she would have left with you! Ultimately, I chose this life with family over an eternity without them.
Randon thought for "unbelieving parents": Never abdicate your role as a parent to the WTB$! My husband was very firm that if I had the kids out for two nights a week, half a day on Sunday, for assemblies and conventions; then it was not fair for me to take them out in service on Saturdays as well. I agreed with him and stood my ground with the elders on that one time and again. All the years our children were growing I never went out in service on Satudays when my husband was home. We had one family day together a week (unless my hubby felt he had to work, in which case, we went out in service).