Cupcake,I read your story and what can I say, your courage in how you endured and just by telling your story and eventual transformation fearful slave to a free woman brought me through the rainbow of emotions. Us mere mortal men know a pittance of the strength you have. This cult is perverse in many ways but it's treatment in belittling a woman's role is abuse. I remember a book study and a question was asked how can sisters support true worship? Something like that, one sister raised her hand and said we can bring food like potato salad to gatherings and the brother just nodded his head like that was the support he was looking for.
Aunt fancy pants, thank you for your welcome.
Heres a little more of my experience:
I was known as brother enthusiastic. Out in service from the platform and in general, my demeanor was always heartfelt and genuinely expressed. I loved the friends and they loved me. It was beautiful, seemingly a life worth living. I remember seeing others who were not as happy and I wondered why? If we are to be the happiest people, why when I look out at the audience do I see such disenchantment and dullness? And then I was appointed an elder. I learned quite quickly that many of those that had that sadness on their face were those who experienced the weight of the arbitrary rules of this corporation. Those that had their lives ripped apart by disfellowshipping, by judgement and suspicion. Depression is rampant in our area and more so amongst the congos I associated with. As elders we are not able to handle depression. We thought that a few scriptures would help to pick them out of the downward circle would be it. A shepherding call, a nice word here and there. The elduhs are just not equipped to handle this. This depression and its pathological cousins I have come to know are a Direct result of the cognitive dissonance and the isolation many JWs feel. I had know knowledge of faders, to me it was always in terms of active and inactive. The inactives had lost their joy by being inactive. Then I was introduced to the JC. I was introduced to the inner workings of the CBE and it was then I realizd why so many looked the way they do, so different from the pictures on the WT. the men leading the congos were simply not qualified to inflate a tire let alone counsel someone in depression. it was an internal conflict that ate away at me until I left and learned the TTATT. Thanks to so many on this site that make the TTATT so readily available.
By the time I left I was consumed by materialism, Vacations and inner guilt. I became depressed, I was so miserable inside and I felt there was no way out, i watched every law and order show on as an escape. Now i dont even have a TV! I live as simply as possible, I live for each days blessing whether it's pruning my apple trees or helping my parents or just being with my wife on a couch reading. The joys of life, so overshadowed by the works of this greedy corporation, now available to me and everyone set free.
