slavenomore (page 3)

Upon coming into the org, My life showed improvement, as if to confirm my decision was right. The love bombing I received resembled westmorelands rolling thunder campaign. The love was so explosive that I felt I had found the true way, with true friends who substituted for family...kind of like my african patron. And it is true I met many people. Quite a few were decent, full of integrity and pleasant to be around. They, my Congo, practically wet their collective pants when a bright college educated became an intrinsic part of their Throng. Desirous of telling everybody of my new found faith in the future of the earth and what that portends to obedient mankind, I was baptized 6 moths after my study began. I remember my first door, I knocked and a man came out took one look and said in an affected voice "I worship the triune god", I responded if Satan knew who god was, he said of course, I then asked then why would Satan try to tempt Jesus if he indeed was god. The door closed. Moments like this convinced me we had 'da'troof'. I fought hard for every 'privilege' my ambitious hands could get. I figured if success in the world was not to be had then I would persue spiritual success as it was outlined before me by my bible teacher and others I met in the various congregations. Auxiliary pioneer, pioneer, pioneer school, ministerial servant, talks, RBC, and then eventually elder. Naturally talks and experiences were thrust upon me as I greedily accepted. Elders looking for some experience to prove that the knowledge book was working in our territories, and I was that one. It surprised me that there were not others...just born ins really and a study here and there getting baptized. To the point 10 years later in 2007 when a massive rearrangement was happening in our area, KHs being sold, new halls being remodeled...the CO said matter of fact, to all the elders gathered for a secret meeting, "to be honest brothers, there is no real growth and unlikely to be in this area!" This statement among others, like the FDS owns everything ie kingdom halls even the publishers and thus can do with them as they wish...of course according to Gods will! I wonder now whether the reorganization that our area suffered through, an area of 6 congos and 4 halls brought down to 5 congos and 2 halls had anything to do with the 2007 out of court settlements the society had to pay?! (this would be an interesting question to answer) The same thing happened in a larger city just north of us, taking all the congos out of their territory selling the halls and building one big mega hall complex, on which I gave my "whole souled service" read- sacrificed 3 weekends-as head of a RBC dept.

By the time I was appointed an elder i was feeling very spiritually fit. But upon opening the door to this all mens club opened my eyes to a life that i wanted no part of. It was so unbelieavably obtuse and negative. I fought the fight, complaining to COs even the DO, spoke openly with the brothers about how i felt bible principles were not being implemented. I'll give you a for instance. I moved to a new Congo to help fill a need, where I became the school overseer. The elders, three of them. 2 of which were just despised by many. These two invite me to sit on a JC. A young sister who was previously told by these same brothers not to talk to this unbaptized young man who was studying. The first thing they say to me is, we need you here just to listen we will take the lead, you don't know all the facts-being known for my outspokenness they were basically telling me to sit down and shut up. (a lot of jealously since I was well liked and spoken of by the friends who were not in any position of power, which they felt I flaunted). So there she was crying she just couldn't bear it any longer, no speaking to her beau. They were going to get married, and being human they probably kissed or better, and then she being brainwashed as she was came clean to these elders, thus private reproof blah blah, and one condition of that reproof she couldn't talk to him, un fucking believable. She spoke through her tears and said her only thoughts beside talking to him was suicide. At that I interjected and asked her if she had spoken to her parents about this she said no. I asked if this was the first time she had spoken out loud her desire to kill herself. She said yes, I had to motion to keep the fat elder to my left from trying to shut me off. I asked if she spoke to her potential fiancé would she feel less depressed(obvious I know), she said yes, then I said by all means speak to him, there is nothing in the bible that prevents you from speaking to him...the meeting was immediately stopped, the bros asked her to sit outside for a moment the meeting was quit for a later date(without me) I knew I was in deep shit for antagonizing the head honcho of the Congo. As i left i wispered in her ear, you talk with him all you like. Anyway they got married and even though it was a large congo, and she was a pretty jewel in the crown their they decided to have a small gathering, like 6 people. They asked me to marry them. There are so many stories such as this...like after drinking like fish one evening with a few elders and our wives, and then the next day sitting in a JC on a poor sister who felt the need for confession, for what...she drank too much. I remember speaking with another elder about a friend who was DFd and the same head honcho, overheard me speaking, he interrupted and emphasized "was your friend" I said he will always be my friend, just because he got in a little trouble, he then quips" but is he a friend of JHVH," sometimes ignoring is the best response. Anyhow I was promptly sent back to my original Congo, after the reorganizing with a letter that was less than flattering. The experiences before being an elder were for the most part uplifting and encouraging after...it was like watching sausage being made...ugly and quite frankly disgusting. The arrogance, the negativity, the hunting down of faders accused of some sinful indulgence...this was not what I signed up for. Yet my ambition and my pride would to let me stand down, I thought the next CO will understand...but then it got worse, the new fight after the reorganization was money, remodeling, who and how to pay etc... At this point i had stopped reading the bible, publications, personal prayer family study, only time I prayed was over meals for family and out in service. I never prepared for anything except public talks and then after a while just spoke from the heart. I stopped believing God cared for anyone of us...just himself. The evidence is all around us. And I lived a lie. I felt like a charlatan, every time people would line up to thank me for this prayer or that part or this talk or that talk, it was painful. I had stopped believing in God, the watchtower corp especially...yet living the lie. Disgusting, I felt Like crap being such a fucking hypocrite. I was secretly smoking at this point, and thus now lying to my wife at that time. I wanted to leave...Yet now I was embroiled with raising two foster kids, adopting a third, and a good friend. A man who I was so happy to meet, to hang out with, I finally had a friend I could be honest with...he two was raising two kids not his own, that's how we got together, my ex wife a witness since 84 knew them well. The association with money and prominence In the congregations of my area was more than a coincidence. And my wifes drive to have both was achieved through my growing business.

Emery

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