Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it?

by 00DAD 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Dagney

  I had a bit of a strange thing happen last month that I wanted to post about, but this is the perfect place.

  I still have one JW friend, (looong time friend former roomate), and her husband. We meet once a month or so for dinner and whatever. She has told me many many times we will always be in each others lives, even if she had to do a "don't ask don't tell" with her husband. She even had me promise last year that I would be there when she dies.

  Well, we were at the hairdressers last month and our hairdresser asked how my brother (an elder PO etc etc), was, out of the blue. I said I have no idea, I am being shunned. Audible gasp in the whole room. I said he was here a few months ago in my city and he never bothered to contact me. More gasps. We chatted a bit and I stated the obvious, that when people you know your WHOLE life, friends and family, that you did everything with, now treat you like you are dead and never existed, THAT is shunning.

  What I thought was strange was my gf looked as if a light bulb went off. Like she never "thought" of it that way, which I'm thinking, "how could you NOT think of it that way!" Prob because her mind doesn't work that way, thankfully.

  THEN she says, "everybody asks about you ALL the time." (I'm out 11 years) She never said that before. She tells them we see each other and that I'm happy. If they ask anything else she tell them, "why don't you ask her?" I thanked her and emphasized again, that it's not human to treat people that way. I told her it's ALL about punishment. I need to be punished for leaving. I told her I will never treat anybody the way I've been treated. Ever.

  It was a bit of a Twilight Zone episode...
• 

  truthseekeriam

  Personally, no. I could never bring myself to follow that rule...I would always smile and say hello.

  My sister on the other hand newly baptized and with strong advice from the sister that studied with her shunned our disfellowshipped mother. It's something she deeply retreats now and has damaged their relationship even though our mother is now back in the religion.
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  ScenicViewer

  I would normally talk to a DF'd person, but I remember shunning 1. It was an in-law that I didn't know very well, but that shouldn't have made a difference.

  I regret it to this day.
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  return of parakeet

  I'm no saint but I never shunned anyone when I was a dubling. Before my mother forced me into dubism as a child, I learned that to snub someone was the height of bad manners. Never went out of my way to talk to DFs but if they talked to me, I was friendly and polite.

  I liken shunning to a parents watching their child fall into a raging river. What parents would not jump in to try to save their child, even if it means they drown in the attempt? Yet the WTS says the sane thing to do is to protect yourself, stand on the bank, and let the child drown.

  Sick, sick, sick.
• 

  Oubliette

  BTTT
• 

  Captain Obvious

  Yes! My mom.

  She was DFed a few years ago, I was still a believer. I thought she was being stupid, I didn't understand... I was just mad at her. After about a year of not seeing her I saw her briefly while I was visiting my dad. Immediately I had an irrational feeling of dread and anger for her. I began to wonder, how can I feel this way toward my mother, because a religion (that I wasn't happy in, but thought was 'the Thruth') said so? I later learned that this was a cult-born phobia caused by brainwashing.

  This was instrumental in my waking up. It took another year or so to sink in. Once she was reinstated, our relationship was never the same. Granted she was dealing with some mental issues, I couldn't shake this feeling that I'd betrayed her. I had chosen a religion over my mother. She would never admit it, but things will never be the same.

  Once I woke up, immediately huge feelings of guilt set in. All in one day of thought, I tore up my blood card and decided that I would never shun anyone again. She was DFed again shortly after that. About a month after she was DFed I called her up. She was sobbing before she even answered the phone. I told her I love her unconditionally, and that I was so sorry about how I'd treated her last time. I said I can't in good conscience shun her. She thanked me for the apology but said we can't stay in contact, I had to shun her because 'it's Jehovah's arrangement'! I told her that I don't believe that, it's not scriptural and unloving. She would have none of it. That was over a year ago now... No contact. She is now trying to come back. It kills me that she lets a stupid religion stay between us. She has been dealing with some difficult mental and emotional issues, and I can't help or be there for her at all. Everytime I see an intro post on this board, I read it. In the back of my head I'm hoping that it might be my mom.

  What kills me the most, is once I'm DFed (which will happen one day, they don't let atheists stay in the cong) she will shun me. She will know how hurtful it is, but after 30 years in and out of the cult and being in 'trouble' so many times she won't dare ignore what she sees as a scriptural practice... Jehovah's arrangement'.... Barf. If I ever had kids, nothing... NOTHING will come between us. Even if they grow up to be useless screw ups, I will still be there for them. That is what unconditional love is.

  goddamn cult.
• 

  LisaRose

  I shunned my sister for years. Finally I left myself and we had a pretty good relationship for ten years, then she went back in order to maintain contact with her grandchildren, now she is shunning me. It's so sad and so pointless, our family has been torn apart for years due to this hateful shunning policy. When my mom passed away, no one even told me she was in the hospital. What kind of sick people would do this in the name of God? This is evil.
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  Sammy Jenkis

  Yeah I shunned my fair share of people and still heavily regret doing so. Those victimized by my tunnel-vision were my own mother, best friend, and countless others of which some I knew well and others not so much.

  Did I reconcile?

  My mother eventually was re-admitted and things were cool after awhile- I apologized to her for my behavior but I don't think she's ever really forgiven me for betraying her. The rest I hope to do right by and will take each one a step at a time. Now I'm the one being shunned, funny how karma works.
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  tim hooper

  I shunned my best pal. Actually, correct that, I tried to shun him. I saw him in the street, gave him a conspiratorial wink, to which he rowed into me and told me to make my bloody mind up and stop being an umpitty-jump.
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  Diogenesister

  Captain Obvious I just want to like like like your post a million times, except of course I don't or rarther I don't like that a so-called loving religon would not just destroy through manipulation the natural affection & bond between mother and son but also punish a women for being ill by ostracizing her from the person she should naturally turn to for support.

  I just wanna scream. It's sick. And you poor soul see this sword of damacles dangling above your head. You must be in agony.

  Heck I wish I could put your post first page on every national newspaper in the world. 😡

  Is there any way at all you could speak to her doctors/therapist and engage their help in de programming her?Normally they dont interfere in peoples spiritual beliefs but this cannot be helping her mental state.