Sorry, But Your Sad Story Doesn't Make Me Feel Better. Is it supposed to?

Tempest in a Teacup

I have very recently come out of a bout of severe depression which lasted for years. I have ginormous underlying issues which I hardly talk about, especially to my family.

Today my sister came in, wanting to force me to do something she wanted. Her strategy was to make me feel bad for feeling bad, just to show me that my problem (which she has no idea of but thinks she does) wasn't the biggest in the world. She went on and on and on about some miserable life of some miserable acquaintance of hers.

I have seen this happening with people so very often. Why do they assume that when they tell you a super sad story about someone it will make you feel better about yourself, by letting you know that yours is a small problem compared to someone else? Is it supposed to work?

I remember blowing a new relationship like that. That person told me that they worked with so many people and knew about so much sadness that they're always happy and think everyone should because things can be so bad. I replied that my issues were so debilitating and have so many implications and ramifications in so many areas of my life that I wouldn't accept anyone telling me that it's not a "real" problem, just because I'm not living on the street and eating stones.

I'm sorry but this doesn't work with me and it is something that I don't adhere to. If the scar in my heart were to be visible on my body, I guess very few people would be able to look at me.

ducatijoe

Teacup,

Feeling sad is a very difficult feeling to carry. Many on this site have been or still are there.

Please keep looking ahead. Try your best to see past what you feel now.

And please, try to close out the burden of guilt many of us have felt both while we were in as well as after we left the Organization.

At time I still need to put my ear buds in and go for a long walk with Pandora playing that evil music!

Thank you for your post.

dubstepped

I went through a really bad period with depression, suicidal thoughts, all of that fun stuff. One thing I've learned since is to see people for their intentions. Telling you that others have it worse is a poorly executed plan for a good intention. They're trying to help the only way they know how. Comparison is something that we all do in this culture.

With that said, it isn't effective. Try going into the breat cancer ward and telling them that the people down the hall have more deadly pancreatic cancer. That's not cheering anyone up.

Personally, I hope that you can open up about whatever you're dealing with. I found solace in a podcast called The Mental Illness Happy Hour. That is one eye opening show. I don't use it for comparison, but it gave me a new perspective on the baggage that so many of us carry. It helps many to hear similar stories and to know that they're not alone. When you bring things out in the light it is hard to stay in the darkness.

Best wishes. I hope thar you find a ladder out of the darkness.

GrreatTeacher

It's a truly ignorant thing to say because mental illness IS a physical illness.

How would they like it if the part of their brain that allows them to feel happiness or even just feel okay wasn't working?

I have real issues with the bifurcation of mental and physical illness. They aren't separate things.

truthseekeriam

Wow does that sound familiar!

I have had the same sad stories but with just a tad more "bad" in them, then my own told to me by my mother.( she means well)

I truly think they believe that if you just meet someone who has handled their situation in a much better( in their mind) way then you, it will just wake you up and out of your depression..lol.

The sad truth is we each handle trauma differently.

Sure, I would love to just get over it, just like so and so has but it's just not possible...For Me, it will take longer if ever.

I guess the one thing I've learned is to never expect to understand what someone else feels so instead of trying to fix them just love them without judgment. This also includes those who are " trying to fix me"

blondie

Imagine if people thought cheering up cured cancer.......oh, yah, some do.

I went through a deep depression and was told going to the meetings would fix it; going to the meetings cures cancer........right

PokerPlayerPhil

Hi Teacup, your always welcome to share your problems here and suprising the community will rally to things that trouble you. Depression sucks, nobody but you knows how dark the mind takes us through life and nobody but you knows how to respond to all things troubling you.

People who don't outwardly admit they are depressed or maybe their not are often mentally blunt! They can't imagine the world does not revolve around them and say stupid stuff due to their uneducated brains or lack of compassion.

My favorite line is when someone said to my friend who lost her twins in a car wreck, "I know how you feel, I lost my dog a month ago! How in the Hell did that statement make it past her brain that's suppose to filter shit you say and shit that's best left to keep to yourself! I don't know the depression you suffer, I deal with my own like so many of our friends here. The best thing you can do so often is keep yourself from giving up because there are many people who know your worth. Don't allow her senseless mouth to affect you, it's easier said that done, right? I am trying to learn to harden my heart from family that have nothing good to say because their holy JWs who have not experienced evil or Karma they sewed so plentiful in our World! I

OnTheWayOut

While it didn't help, I would try to understand that's the best she's got. It seems you get that.
Better might be just being there for you, ready to listen or just to be there.

But I make the same mistakes your sister made. We just have to try to fix it when we see something broke.

zeb

I too know the effects of the black dog, I am bi-polar. and people who think they can 'guilt' you into feeling better are superficial and heartless. Please see a dietician and Please please seek the help of your doctor there is no shame in taking medication.

big hugs

talesin

Some folks will minimize your experience. That is wrong.

We can't measure how we feel .. by degree. What is devastating to me, may be not such a big deal to you. And vice-versa.

And that's normal. : )

Take a deep breath, focus. Let no one tell you how to feel.

xx

Sorry, But Your Sad Story Doesn't Make Me Feel Better. Is it supposed to?

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