Sorry, But Your Sad Story Doesn't Make Me Feel Better. Is it supposed to?

by Tempest in a Teacup 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  LisaRose

  I am so sorry, I have depression issues too, so I get it. People who don't suffer from depression sometimes think you are feeling sorry for yourself, or just need to buck up, or take a pill or something. It's just impossible for them to understand how much this affects your life in every way and sometimes every waking moment.

  The last thing you need is for someone to tell you about somebody else problems with depression, you have enough to deal with, you don't need that. I am sure they mean well, but it's just not helpful. It's OK to stop them and say you aren't up to hearing about any one else's problems right now.
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  WingCommander

  I see right thru that crap as well. It's just them trying to use a manipulative guilt trip on you. It's pure Witness strategy as well.....the whole, "There are a lot more people worse off than you, so suck it up, get over it, and fill the KH seat.....pray more, do more, give more." That type of belittling behavior doesn't impress me in the least, only serves to piss me off and distance me further.
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  Onager

  Teacup, you could try saying "I don't need a lecture, I need a hug." That's what my wife tells me when I try to be helpful and "fix" her. :)

  Hugs
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  Xanthippe

  Tempest I had depression when I was in that religion. An elder kept coming up to me and telling me to keep smiling the Kingdom Smile. One day when he looked really fed up I told him to smile the Kingdom Smile, he never said it again.

  When it comes to depression if someone hasn't had it they are clueless I'm afraid. Yes if they could only see our scars. I used to think if people could only feel what I'm feeling for five minutes.
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  Witness My Fury

  Thinking others have it worse and i should have little to complain about actually does work for me, but only in a normal mental state, when i was suicidal it would not have helped one little bit.

  I dont know what does help in that state tbh, i scared myself with increasingly intrusive thoughts of suicide that i went to the doc and got some happy pills about 8 years ago. I resolved to be on them the shortest possible time and then quit, for me that was 6 months and it was still a bit too soon to quit, but by then i had a handle on my thinking and monitored my own moods and thoughts enough to push thru it. I've never looked back, I am the happiest i have ever been in my whole life now.

  I dont know what the answer is and i doubt there is a magic bullet one size fits all. The answer may be chemical, it may be psychological or a combination of approaches, but you are the person best placed to understand and analyse yourself. One thing that does help is to listen to the tape you play yourself in your head, really tune in and listen to it, if what you tell yourself is mostly negative then you are the only one who can change that tape and with effort and practise you can do so.

  Good luck....
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  idiotnomore

  Sometimes when people would confide in me about how they were going through such a hard time, my first instinct was to see if I could relate a story of someone else who had it bad. In my well meaning mind I was thinking it would serve as encouragement that they could get through their hard time too. I often noticed the looks on their faces like I had just made a mistake and now I know why. Someone who's stressed or depressed needs to have their feelings validated and I think it seemed to them that I was dismissing the seriousness of their problems. I've always had a hard time expressing myself.
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  Tempest in a Teacup

  Great advice and opinions, folks.

  A financial problem can be pretty dramatic but temporary.

  Psychological troubles are deep rooted and affect a huge chunk of someone's life: childhood, adulthood and beyond.

  People die of health problems. Mental illnesses send to an early grave too.
  
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  Slidin Fast

  If you take these bits of useless advice at face value they simply make things worse, every time. One side of you knows that someone with extreme and dreadful issues is in a worse boat than you. That doesn't make you feel any better at all. It does have the effect of increasing your feelings of guilt at the fact that you feel so terrible despite not having a rational reason to.

  Depression and other mental health problems are physical illnesses. They can respond to sensitive treatment from skilful practitioners. Look there for a solution. I wish you well.
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  confuzzlediam

  My sister has suffered from depression most of her life. She is bi-polar. There were times that I didn't know how to deal with her, so I would keep my distance. Over the past five years, I have learned that this is something that she struggles with every day and all she needs is someone to listen to her, not to tell her to just get over it. I am sure there have been many times that she has either walked away from a conversation or hung up the phone and thought the same thing as you do about yours. This past year, she went into a severe depression and was hospitalized around the same time that I left my husband of 25 years. I was suffering from a situational depression that had me in bed or on the couch most days, all day, for the first few months and drinking to numb my pain. This helped me to understand her a bit better, except mine would eventually get better with time but with her, she has to live with it day in and day out for as long as she is alive.
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  Tempest in a Teacup

  confuzzlediam someone to listen to her, not to tell her to just get over it.

  True words. In my family, not only will they tell you to just get over it, they even tell you HOW to: yesterday she said I should get up and clean my house as her acquaintance does.

  This means, if I don't do exactly what she suggested, I'm refusing help and being complacent and wanting to remain in the same situation.

  Mind you, she's also subject to severe clinical depression but would never lift a finger to do anything...this is just a pattern of doing this in my family.