Lost best friend...

by lostinnj83 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ABibleStudent

    I'm sorry that you are feeling so much pain lostinnj83. Its got to be a triple wammy seperating from your husband and JW family and friends shunning/marking you.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • lostinnj83

    What's crazy is that she isn't even in the same congregation as me, so how would it get back that she was a reference? And am not sure what "violation" she would be commiting by saying that I would be a responsible tenant.

    Fortunatly I have REAL friends outside of the "org" all of who said they would vouch for me. What do people do who have NO friends on the outside??

    So if we are to correctly understand that LOVE is the identifying mark of true Christians, then the LACK of love in this organization is proof that they are not "TRUE CHRISTIANS" it is really unbelievable!!!!!

    @FoundSheep- your story sounds a lot like mine!

    Thank you all for your words of comfort.

  • Ding
    It's hard for me to see how they can't see that the friendships that they offer are 100% conditional!!!

    I think they DO see that their friendship is 100% conditional, and they consider that a virtue...

    ... The organization comes ahead of everything else.

    She said that... our relationship with Jehovah is the most important thing...

    "Relationship with Jehovah" = obedience to the GB and subservience to the organization

  • InterestedOne

    lostinnj83 wrote:

    What do people do who have NO friends on the outside??

    I was thinking the same thing. The apartment reference is an example of practical problems that can arise if a person is steeped in a cultish group. Hopefully most people involved in high-control groups maintain some non-cult ties just in case they decide to leave or find themselves ostracized for whatever reason. Perhaps those whom the Watchtower calls "workmates" might be a common safety net. Reaching out to non-member extended family might be another option.

  • Apognophos
    Hopefully most people involved in high-control groups maintain some non-cult ties just in case they decide to leave

    What about born-ins? I've never formed a "worldly" friendship in my life because I was taught not to. When I leave the org., I might end up living in my car for a while.

    Anyway, I'm sorry about your friend, lostinnj83; I suppose troubled mind hit the nail on the head about her motives. Keep in mind that your friend has a cult personality and an authentic one, and you're just getting the raw end of the deal for now. Maybe you'll be able to reach the real "her" again some day.

  • lostinnj83

    Apognophos- I am a born in too, but I have always had worldly friends, always made friends in the workplace, school etc, not even in preparation for leaving but I am a people person so I never followed the "admonition" to stay away from worldly people.

    As for you, its not too late to start making friends, and once you get to know people and you tell them your story you will find such love and support!!

  • free and happy
    free and happy

    Apognophos - I'm glad i'm not the only one who was taught it wasn't right to have worldly friends , when we left I realised I was 43 and every friend I thought I had was a jw, even the ones who said it didn't matter to them that our family didn't want to be jws anymore soon disappeared when they couldn't change our minds, one even told my husband he was the spawn of the devil for leaving!

    I have found it really difficult to make friends as I wasn't sure how to but slowly as my cult mind unthawed and I saw people around me were ok, I have learnt to let people into my life and now I have some nice friends who like me for me.

    Its not to late to start again and i'm sure you'll get all the support you need and more!

  • talesin

    I haven't read all the comments,, but.

    One of the most difficult things when I left was the loss of my best friends, there were two. They were gurlfriends I'd had all my life, and the loss was profound.

    I'm sorry for this, sweetie! xoxo


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