I'm beyond my bed time and my glass of wine is lonely as I can't type one handed. :)
I also just joined this forum. It's a relief to find that I can post all the things I'd written with no one to share them with, for fear I'd be cast out in the cold as an 'apostate'. One day after my mother threw the term out there (last summer) when I was attempting to point out to her what Matthew 24 says about the slave, when they'd be appointed, that later they'd be rewarded, etc, I realized the truth of the matter—I might be called an apostate of the Watchtower, but one could never call me an apostate of God.
Try signing up for YouVersion.com and start reading a different version of the scriptures. I don't have "a" version, as much as I now use many, and rely on the interlinear.
The Watchtower, as someone just pointed out to me, has been said to put out more atheist's than any other religion.
It's time to see if you can turn to God and his Word—his son—and salvage a relationship free and clear from interference. One day it just dawned on me, for a brief moment I was given over into big huge weepy tears in prayer apologizing for thinking that they could ever speak for him, and that I'd fallen to believing their word over his.
I read the bible for myself and promptly became 'an apostate'.
Right now I get that you're in a different place. But it does come down to the "come to Jesus moment" as I'd heard said in the South when I was a kid. You can either dig deeper, or throw in the towel.
I hope you'll dig a little deeper, there's danger in religion because they all have just a little bit of the truth. The only way to get all the truth is to recognize WHO he is and to rely on him.
On another forum that I've been on for a while now with a bunch of grumpy old men academic types (sorry guys!) I mentioned how I love the riddles and mysteries of the scriptures—I'd never really read it before in my 20 years (12-32 yrs old) as a JW. Then over the last year I've found it's the greatest book I've ever read, and I've read a ton!
God sends the spirt of his son into our hearts to cry out "Abba, Father". Is that Christ as a spirit, or the spirit which belongs to Christ? Christ is the truth, and we know that the spirit of truth will lead us into all the truth—is that Christ as a spirit, or is that the spirit of Christ?
The flood came over all the land. Is that all the land of the entire earth, or is that all the land of Mesopotamia? Have you read the Epic of Gilgamesh, the oldest written story on Earth? How does that factor into your feelings? What do you imagine that the land of the earth looked like in those days—was it like our world map of the contintents today? Were there the mountains we have today?
This isn't about anything but you and your God, and your mediator, his son. Relax. Breath in and out, remember that there was this story you heard once, and then take a big bite out of the bread of life, the Word of God who came in the flesh. He'll take care of the rest! (Even if you decide now isn't a good time for a glass of wine!) :)
If I can recommend, buy a journal, track your journey, and share your updates as you dig into the word and ask, "Why" trusting that he will answer you. I'd love to hear what you come to think. I'm gonna take your list and use it for study research for myself.
Thanks for sharing!