Was - I accept your experiences as they were - they made you what you are today. That's all good.
What isn't good is that just because you were capable of making better decisions and choices later in life, doesn't mean that a lot of other people have that same ability. You are right - you were removed from a bad abusive environment and maybe it was that very thing that propelled you forward into making different choices. It doesn't happen for everyone and we have to accept that there are a great many people who lack self awareness - a great many - who simply can't envision things other than what they 'know'. That's why so many young girls who are victims of sexual abuse, end up in relationships where they themselves become victims later in life. I have been around far too many people who are beaten down in life and so for them, if they can just make one change in the life of their child, a change from their own experiences, those parents feel they have been successful. It can generations upon generations for people to acheive some sort of mobility and awareness and so for all those people, the decisions they make are bound in the environment they 'know'.
I have seen kids that come from alcoholic and abusive families go looking for love. Girls that fall for the first young boy that 'says' he loves them - all because they believe that 'love' will save them or protect them or provide for them. They have babies and when the verbal abuse comes they reason that 'well at least he's not an alcoholic'...and so they believe that they have succeeded in keeping their babies safe from an addict, not fully aware that the verbal abuse is leaving scars. So the next generation doesn't want the abuse so they have their baby and they say 'well at least he isn't abusive'...all the while he is a philanderer, but better to be secure and put up with infidelity than leave.
Yes there are choices and yes, as we get older we can make choices that will be better - but I accept that not everybody is capable of looking outside that box and seeing what life can be. I accept that some people can - but there are many that can't. These are complex issues...and with more and more education, I like to believe that we can create an awareness in our children of what life can be - that's why sometimes taking a kid outside their environment and letting them experience a different life can work wonders. I also have to accept that there are some people that will never be other than they are comfortable being - for their personal reasons - most often fear and loss. sammieswife