does she have form in this area? has she been DF'ed before in the past? I've heard of some sisters trying for reinstatement after multiple reproofs and DFings and giving up as the elder body said no way.
Oh and one more suggestion. something along the lines of I am sooooooo sorry "I hurt Jehovah and the Congregation" "I was sooooo sad and deppressed I thought about ending it all" will get some attention from even the most cold hearted SOBs.
I know of two cases.. two different congregations. One couple it took them 5 years to get reinstated, they had to get a CO involved otherwise it probably would never have happened. Another couple only one year. Think it depends on the congregation.
I went to every single meeting, including the book study which was held at the hall, and after about nine months the jw got together and said they wouldn't reinstate me as I hadn't tried hard enough. Did they want me to go on fs or what?! Anyway six months later they reinstated me. I think they make up their own rules as they go along.
Well the only thing they consider is "meeting attendance" other than possibly looking over her shoulder to see if she studies her WT, etc. If she is travelling all the time, its got to be hard to be regular. They could be holding that over her head, privately thinking she should quit/change her job just to make the meetings.
As others have mentioned, not being "free" and flipping the org/elders off by getting remarried is one of the biggest offenses. Probably apostasy is the only thing worse. I would say two years is the minimum for enforcement from this sick cult.
Get the CO involved ... and/or tell your friend that the elders need to see repentance so they may need to put on a bit of a theatrical show.
On the order of ... I don't know what to do, I miss the friends, I don't know if I can take it, I feel like I am being swallowed up with sadness, and then quote 2 Cor 2:5-11
(2 Corinthians 2:5-11) 5 Now if anyone has caused sadness, he has saddened, not me, but all of YOU to an extent-not to be too harsh in what I say. 6 This rebuke given by the majority is sufficient for such a man, 7 so that, on the contrary now, YOU should kindly forgive and comfort [him], that somehow such a man may not be swallowed up by his being overly sad . 8 Therefore I exhort YOU to confirm YOUR love for him. 9 For to this end also I write to ascertain the proof of YOU, whether YOU are obedient in all things. 10Anything YOU kindly forgive anyone, I do too. In fact, as for me, whatever I have kindly forgiven, if I have kindly forgiven anything, it has been for YOUR sakes in Christ's sight; 11 that we may not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his designs.
I personally know of one individual that was DF nearly four years. In that time, they religiously attended the Sunday meetings for the first two years. After getting discouraged they quit going for a while, about a year.
Later they went back, sporadically at first, but soon making 80 - 90% of the meetings. This went on for nearly a year. In that period of time, five separate letters requesting reinstatement were sent to the BOE.
Each time the elders made up lame excuses as to why the request was denied. One elder even lied to this individual saying that the Elders Manual stated a specific period of time must elapse before reinstatement could be considered. (It does NOT say that). Interestingly, when that elder was asked how long that period of time was, the elder became vague and evasive. (I wonder why?)
In case any of you are unclear on the matter, let's settle this once and for all: The elders are making most of it up as they go along!
They are in a situation with an inherently vague and contradictory set of instructions that results in grossly inconsistent handling of even similar situations. This is exacerbated by well-intentioned, but weak men that aren't sure what the heck they're supposed to do because the WTBTS guidelines are confusing, inconsistent and open to lots and lots of interpretation. On the other hand, there are elders with a personal stake in the matter, a grudge or ones that are simply assholes that twist the rules to make 'em say whatever the hell they want them to say just because they can.
Once anyone is DF'd there is no appeal outside of the three elders in the original congregation. Many, many people have been completely screwed over by countless JCs that heartlessly deny people mercy, people that just want to move on with their lives.
Let's review: It's a cult!
Since the decision to disfellowship is arbitary then the decision to reinstate can be equally so. Elders use reinstatement as part of a power trip making the person jump through hoops so that they will be totally cowed by the time they are allowed back in.
The decision to delay could depend on many factors such as: the nature of the original offence, whether an elder or a member of an elders family were involved, whether the elders liked the person originally, how widely the original offense was known about, a megalomanic elder who just wants to be a hard arse.
If it involved a marriage break up and a husband or ex husband is still an elder then they can make things difficult.
My advice to them is don't bother with them educate yourself and build a life outside they are not worth the effort.
My very close friend several yrs ago got a technically unscriptural divorce (there was an emotional/minor physical relationship involved to cause it) and later eloped with a pioneer brother from a different state. They were immediately df'd and told there was no reinstatement possible until her ex husband remarried. That took 3 years and her sobbing thru every meeting. The elders told her they were committing adultery for their whole marriage while her ex was unmarried. Apparently their intimacy did not ever break the former marital bond.
My friend was the congregations golden girl. Pioneer, wealthy, educated, generous, beautiful. One of those people that just has it all. The man she married was married to a physchopath woman that he divorced before the two were together. Im really not sure on alot of details because this happened in another state. Her and her family had a winter home and a summer home thousands of miles apart. I am basically trying to piece together the story by what the family tells me. When she did get DF'd she drove up here to tell me, she didnt give me a much details. Neither of them were ever DF'd or reproved or marked for that matter before this.
Like someone mentioned in another thread, sometimes it just takes a good emotional ass-kicking to see the light. I want to believe this is what happened. One of the reasons why I think this is because she told her mom that if after the 3rd try she isnt going to reapply. Her mom also told me that she will never come back to this area. She will come to visit her parents and to have meetings at her companys headquarters. But anything other then that is not gonna happen. Her family hasnt cut off all association with her either. They talk to her on a weekly basis, and they had elder permission too. So whats the point in getting reinstated when a. she can still talk to family b. she's on the road so no elders nagging her c. husband is also df'd, so no shunning from him