Girlfriend probably getting DF'd

by The JHWH 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • The JHWH
    The JHWH

    So the local JC decided to DF my girlfriend because of basically premarital sex.

    She confessed few weeks back to the elders, and the judicial system had its wheels rolling.

    They confronted her today, and eventually came to the conclusion described above.

    She told them that she regretted our sexual acts, and that we wouldn't perform that kind of actions before we're married.

    They talked with her about getting married etc. a week before the JC.

    Now the reason they decided to DF her was not the sexual acts itself, nor the lack of regret,

    but apparently the fact that "she hadn't made any decisions".

    Evidently they would've wanted a date for our marriage, or to know that she would leave me (not going to happen).

    They didn't even tell her that they would require that sort of decisions.

    Question: Why isn't regret enough for being forgiven? Is this really legit WTBTS-policy? Can they really do this?

    I thought that regret was defining for what kind of action was taken on such matters. I remember watching a documentary,

    where a JW-man dated a non-JW girl and they had premarital sex. The man was given 3 choices: Marriage, having sex must stop

    or DA himself. Is this kind of policy outdated, are females treated differently on these kind of matters, or is this particular

    JC overstepping its limits?

  • Stealth

    The JC process is nothing more than a Kangaroo court.

  • undercover

    Why isn't regret enough for being forgiven? Is this really legit WTBTS-policy? Can they really do this?

    Technically speaking, JWs are DFd for not showing proper repentance, not for the act of sin itself. So it's not really legit, but yes they can really do this. All it takes is three elders in agreement to DF someone and that person is DFd, repentant or not, legit or not.

    Three little words: It's a cult

  • sir82
    Why isn't regret enough for being forgiven? Is this really legit WTBTS-policy? Can they really do this?

    You seem to be under the assumption that a judical committee is Biblical, or that the committee will act compassionately or at least ethically.

    That is of course patently untrue.

    Quite literally: Any JW can be disfellowshipped at any time for anything that 3 elders agree upon.

    Your girlfriend didn't impress the 3 guys well enough. So they threw her out on her ear.

    A different set of 3 elders may well have reached a different conclusion.

    Or maybe not.

    Judicial committees are a crapshoot, Russian roulette with a different kind of bullet.

  • wannabefree

    Premarital sex is a disfellowshipping offense, only if the elders believed she was truly repentant, which they would judge by her actions up to this point and how she responds about going forward (they are attempting to judge what is in her heart), would they not disfellowship.

    She is having premarital sex (strike one) with a worldly guy (strike two) she is continuing to date him without knowing if she will marry him (nail in the coffin) ... just dating an unbeliever gives you the reputation of being spiritually weak and bad association for good JW's

    She can appeal, but unless she ends her relationship with you or you get married soon, she will be disfellowshipped.

  • sd-7

    Well, there are variations on how this situation is handled, depending on the local elders. I mean, my wife and I got hauled into a committee months after we were already married, for premarital sex. And I take it we were to prove our repentance by what, not having sex anymore as husband and wife for awhile? Well, don't worry, we covered that part already...ha ha...

    But in her case, she got off with private reproof and was commenting at meetings like 2 months later. Of course, that was also probably an extra reward for turning me in for having doubts about the organization, but there's no way to know for sure--I think they assumed I was the instigator and seduced her or something, when it was actually quite the opposite...

    That said, it does seem strange that they would make that decision based on not having a marriage date planned. Isn't the whole point of repentance that you stop committing the sin? I mean, did it only happen once, or several times? If it was several times, maybe they're just doing a sort of preemptive strike because they're expecting to keep doing it before marriage whether you get married in the future or not. Either way, well, that's elders for you.


  • sd-7
    Quite literally: Any JW can be disfellowshipped at any time for anything that 3 elders agree upon.

    As much as this would ideally not be true, it's kind of the bottom line reality.


  • Satanus

    Btw, congrats on sticking it out w a jw girl. I just looked up all of your threads. Seems that you have carefully done your homework on the jws. The elders' actions could be used to to help your girlfriend see how unloving they really are. Did jesus do stuff like that? Bring up the example of the sinning woman who the jew elders wanted to stone (df equivalent). Jesus refused.

    Your work isn't over until she is mentally out, as well. Good luck.


  • BlindersOff1

    Yep anything 3 unqualified elders can agree on , thats it

  • Satanus

    I should have said, congrats on being ABLE to stick w this jw girl for so long. It's not an easy thing to do for a nonjw guy.


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