by lostinthought 33 Replies latest jw friends
I don't claim to be a Bible scholar, But it's my belief
when Jesus said if you love your family more than him , you are not worthy of him
He did not mean you can't show love to your familiy, I take it that he is sayin
that you don't have to go against him in order to show love to your family
The WTS is the one makin' people choose by twistin' scripture
it's the oldest tactic in the world to control
.
I am truly sorry that everything is going down in this fashion.
My advice to you - do not under any circumstances meet with the elders unless you have a desire to just tell them off once and for all.
It is a very humiliating, demeaning experience for the person involved. I used to cringe at the questions asked by elders who wanted the gory details. My friends who are DF'ed or were DF'ed still have the scars. No human being deserves to be humiliated in such a fashion, especially since those people probably DO NOT care about you as a person.
I have a dear friend who was out for 7 years and was never once called upon by any elder, even out of personal concern. When they expressed a sincere desire to come back to the congregation, they were IMMEDIATELY hauled before a judicial committee and DF'ed......that is the spirit you are going to be up against. Please do not subject yourself to that.
I think you need to take the power - refuse to meet with them or meet with them to say your peace and LEAVE before any "proceedings" begin.
No easy answers, just please realize you have already showed a great deal of strength and courage. Trust yourself.
Do not go in to any judicial meeting. You don’t have to play their games. All they will want from you is all the details of what you have done between you and your boyfriend. I made the mistake of going to one, it was because of my husband had slipped, and I did not know any better. They asked me all kinds of questions involving sexual matters. They are not there to help but to judge and condemn. To me they are nothing but a bunch of perverted guys who get off on listing to those types of details.
LOST IN THOUGHT- I'm sorry you are going through this AND that your mom threw you " under the bus " so to speak with the elders. What decision you make on whether or not to meet the elders is totally up to you. I would imagine it depends on whether or not you can deal with not socializing with any of your JW relatives which may afect your decision making process. As ZED is DEAD said ( hey, that rhymes ! ) If you feel you need to still have contact with JW relatives then crying the crocodile tears and showing " remorse " or " repentance " may be one of the few shots you have at keeping those JW contacts.
However, that being said - it still may be no guarantee that the elders wouldn't DF you if you stated to them that you slept with your boyfriend on numerous occasions. The elders would say you made a " practice " of " sinning " and would DF you anyway because it wasn't a ONE time occurence. So you'd need to tell them that in a moment of weakness that you slept with your boyfriend ONE time only and it won't happen again- THEN you may have a shot at only getting reproved, not DFed. Don't feel guilty if it's a lie- this jerk-off organization has lied to us for years ! Now is not the time to feel " guilty " about your situation- WT Society leaders don't feel guilt about ANYTHING they've lied about. In this scenario you're trying to save any relationship with JW relatives ( if you feel you need to ). So I'm just trying to show you how to do it- but only if you want those relationships.
Otherwise, if you do NOT care about the JW relationships, tell the elders you are innocent, never slept with your boyfriend and you lied to your mom to get attention because you were depressed and that you WILL NOT attend a JC meeting because you aren't guilty of anything . Then tell your mom you lied because you were depressed and tell her you'll see a psychiatrist for your depression. Many people feign insanity in these situations to avoid giving the elders any power or control.
So with either of these methods you may just avoid the DFing thing altogether . Just do the best you can . You probably think I'm insane for explaining in detail these different options, but these options just may work. They have before for some. Depends how hard -a$$ your elder body is. Good luck to you, remember we are here for you to confide in, O.K. ? From one whose " been here, done this " , Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Good advice from Flipper. The elders manual says that if you meet with them you are acknowledging their headship over you. So i'd agree that its better not to go to a DFing committee.
Your mom probably thinks it was an act of love to force you back to the religion. She thinks the elders will be able to save you and did not consider the reality of what happens at a judicial meeting. One thing Flipper did not mention is that if you go along with them, they will demand you break up with your boyfriend.
REgarding yoiur mom's comment about "having a clean life" - you ARE living a clean life and a normal life for a woman your age and situation. You aren't sleeping around or cheating, you aren't engaging in morally corrupt behaviours. Never let them think you are. You are in a committed relationship, doing what normal people in a relationship do.
Hoping for the best for you - getting out is worth it.
Listen to flipper, you do have options.If you meet with them they will ask for the details of your sleeping with your boyfriend. many of them are perverted. you really have to be careful when you talk to relatives . I learned this the hard way. whatever you do I wish you the best.
I was curious if your family is very close knit, how loving and kind are your brothers and sisters?
Not really my family is somewhat divided, half are JWS the other half are not.
Although there is communication but to say the family is closely knit .......uuummm not quite.
And yes I blame the JW religion for doing this.
You don't have to admit anything to the elders. Deny it and tell them that your mom misunderstood you -you never slept with your BF and would never do such a thing. After all they don't have any witnesses. Wouldn't they need witnesses to disfellowship?
"She was saying I should stay in for the family and I can have a clean life As a jw."
With the JW policy to protect pedophiles and demand that people die based on WT nutty interpretation of Ancient Jewish dietary restrictions? That's a sh!tty idea of having "a clean life." It's a waste of life.
Your mother decided to ask a very personal question that was none of her business. SHE started this. Then she ran off to tattle her juicy gossip to others. SHE put this ball in motion.What kind of mother rushes off to spread this kind of thing about her daughter to others?
"She was in tears saying that I hated my family, and she's never gonna be able to talk to me ect."
Sorry to be frank with you, but SHE's the hater, putting cult before kin. She doesn't deserve to hear your voice again.
This stupid religion doesn't deserve respect , therefore I would suggest that if lying is to your advantage to temporally calm the waters,
then I would think about doing so.
Eventually its going to come out that your dating a non-JWS and your not attending or participating in the religion, your already on their radar right now.
The Truth concerning your lifestyle is eventualy come forward.
So I would position yourself for your own benefit in other words.
The DFing question is up in the air, there are many variables of course, such as how much activity you have within the congregation,
how long have you been not attending meetings and so forth ..
Eye witness proof that your sleeping with your boy friend. etc.
