It all is begging to crumble

by lostinthought 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • lostinthought

    I've been mentally out for about two years now. I am in my 30s and I don't live at home, am not married or anything like that. I was visiting my mom this past week, I tell you the women has a 6th sense if she weren't a jw shed be a psychic. Anyway I had an argument with my "worldly" bf over the phone and I was upset so she caught me at a vulnerable moment and asked if I was sleeping with him. I admitted to it. She knew about my doubts and such but as long as I plaed like a nice little witness vs he was ok with them. But my admittance has caused the crumble. She told my sister who's husband is an elder. I know it's only a matter of time until she lets other family members know and soon enough I'm sure I will be called in for a judicial committee. Mom called this evening asking why I didn't go to the meeting today. I told her I don't feel like it. She was in tears saying that I hated my family, and she's never gonna be able to talk to me ect. I told her that she didn't have to stop talking to me and I told her she knows for herself jws don't have the truth. She was saying I should stay in for the family and I can have a clean life As a jw...anyway sorry for the rambling I just need some support from those of you who have been here.

  • moshe
    She told my sister who's husband is an elder.

    Mom just put a knife in your back- she could have kept this information to herself- so anything that happens next is on her head.

  • whathappened

    I am sorry to hear about all the feces hitting the fan blades.

    This must be horrible for you. It all depends on what you want to do. If you are going to leave the jw's anyway or do you want or need to stay for the time being, this is what you need to consider.

    We are here for you.

    Sometimes the elders are harder on the sisters. They understand about men fornicating, but when a female does it, it's simply not tolerated. Your fate will probably be decided by three men in the back room of the kingdom hall, unfortunately.

    You may want to refuse to meet with them. They are not gods representatives, you know. You don't owe them anything. They will ask you details about your sexual relationship. I have been through this. It is all unnecessary.

    This is hard right now, but you will get through this. Don't do anything foolish.

  • Gayle

    Don't go in to a judicial committee meeting. They have no authority over you and in reality aren't going to help you in any way. I am sad to hear of you dealing with this in your life. Bottomline, it is up to your mom to talk with you and be a support to you. Some who have left JWdom are finding their parents and family are still talking with them, though they just don't let anyone know in the congregation. However, there are those whose JW family will not talk with them at all and that is so disgraceful.

  • Cagefighter

    they are cult member and you know the protocol. you knew what would happened when you admitted it to your mom. i understand that big hole in your heart from having a jw mom that can love you eighty, maybe ninety, but never one hundred percent like other moms made you irrational. you hoped admitting to it would generate a response of acceptance and safety witth your mom. it is perfectly natural to desire that relationship. however the fact that you did what you did and now are upset by the consequmeces means you are simply acting out in order to get attention. set boundaries and dont answer any more questions about your sex life even to nyour mom. does she tell you about her sex life? good luck and keep your head up.

  • trujw

    why not just tell them it's not true. My feelings are they lied to me for 22 years to keep their little kingdom why cant we do the same

  • brinjen

    First, my condolences that this is happening to you. It sucks and it's not fair. Nope, you don't have to attend a JC if they try to call you in for one. I never attended mine... it's a decision I still to this day do not regret. They have no right to tell you what to do with your own life. **hugs**

  • Satanus

    Your mother basically sacrificed you. Any problems from here on, are basically her own fault. Like somebody said, she could have kept the info to herself. But, no.

    As the others said, you don't need to go to the commitee meeting or any meetings where they will be lying in wait. It will be just more humiliation by dirty old men, or old men, anyway. What you do in your private life is none of their business.

    Sounds like your mother is good at guilt tripping people. You have nothing for which to feel guilty. You're just doing the normal thing that people do. It's the wt religion that isn't normal. But, it might be better to not tell your mother that, nor attack the religion. It would just give her more ammunition. If she gets too worked up, you could stall things by saying that you will call back later, or something.

    Good luck.


  • Finkelstein

    You have to determine for yourself whether you want anything to do with this religion.

    If thats your decision then stand firm on that and say you do want anything to do with the JWS religion.

    Don't show any regret, weakness or remorse or your mother and whoever will use that against you.

    In others words show self confidence and steadfastness when discussing religious matters with any JWS.

    At the same time you could show a level of respect for those who may still be believers ...... don't become an

    anti-JWS, if you want to retain some relationship with your relatives that are still in, if thats a personal concern for you.

    JWS are prone to say well you know its the Truth and you know there's little time left in this system.

    This is the typical throw back on to people they know who are making strides to walk away.

  • Hortensia

    You're in your 30s? Time for you to decide how you run your life. You could challenge your mother -- ask her how on earth she could gossip about you like that. Telling your sister is NOT the same as telling an elder. It's just gossip, plain and simple.

    Then tell them to piss off. Don't go to meetings, don't go to judicial meetings.

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