I almost wished i took the blue pill....

by 20yearfader 32 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • 20yearfader

    Since joining this site and having my eyes opened,i find i'm now dealing with a lot of emotions that were suppressed.One being the passing of loved ones,in the org we were discouraged from showing proper emotions due to the fact that if you did you were considered weak since they the dearly departed were only sleeping.Now im being bombarded with dreams of my loved ones that i,due to my brainwashing never had the emotional release that i should have had.I'm just wondering how others on this site are coping,and dealing with the fact that everything we was taught was false almost as a way to keep up under control,as we lost years and decades of time.I almost wish i keep my head and the sand and had taken the blue pill.What has helped you all deal with this ...new religion......no religion...etc

  • cantleave

    My wife went through these emotions. It's like a retrospective grieving. Please continue down the path of freedom, it does get better :)

  • cedars

    I still have flashbacks and, yes, even moments of doubt. You can't get rid of a lifetime's indoctrination overnight. It isn't like flicking a switch or, to use your matrix mataphor, swallowing a pill. It takes time, but it does slowly get better.


  • Tater-T

    I cried for about two weeks off and on .. when it all settled in..

    You are breaking all kinds of bonds in your brain... many emotional

    no shame in crying .. and you will feel better..

  • cofty

    Its a difficult time, don't rush it or supress your feelings about it.

    Coming to terms with the loss of certainty and our own mortality takes a lot of adjusting. Reality is far more satisfying once you begin to explore it.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I've said the very same thing regarding the "blue pill".

    It was a lot easier "knowing" I had The Truth (TM) . I was Special. All those other religions were All Wrong, but mine was The Truth (TM) . Almighty God had "drawn" me to his One True Religion. How? Born In 3rd Generation.

    Plus it came with automatic friends, no fear, and very soon, yes, very very soon would come the Panda Paradise.

    When you wake up to find that entire fantasy completely shattered, it's gonna screw with your head for a bit.

    Realizing that their death really meant that I had lost my parents, grandparents, etc was tramatic. I had only recently been able to develop a real relationship with my dad due to long term issues, but I missed out on really do so as I thought we had Forever to work on it. Too late now.

    I also had to deal with the fact that I had been gullible and totally misled and had turned over all my own thinking ability to someone else.

    I'm also dealing with the fact that I had put my life on hold -- waiting to get it all in the Paradise. Actually, that's not true -- I couldn't put on hold something that I had never seized for myself. My life had never been mine. I'd been living it for someone else, waiting until the future for me to get something out of it. Most of it has passed me by. Like you, I lost decades of time life.


  • moshe

    Doc, you covered all the bases- very well said.

  • happy@last
    [email protected]

    Do not suppress the emotions, your nervous system will suffer otherwise. As others have said it will get better, you need to go through the grieving process in order to assess things once you have gone through it. Once there concentrate on what you do have.

  • dazed but not confused
    dazed but not confused

    I cried for about two weeks off and on .. when it all settled in..

    You are breaking all kinds of bonds in your brain... many emotional

    no shame in crying .. and you will feel better..

    Wow. I thought it was just me. I kept thinking "WTF is wrong with me?" I'm glad it wasn't just me. This happened to me too for about 2 weeks. I felt during this time "Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?" Now over a year latter, best descision I ever made.

  • shopaholic

    I used to wish to unknow what I knew, to unfeel what I felt. Despite how I tried, it was impossible to unopen my eyes and mind.

    Glad to know there are others with a similar experience. I cried for about 3 or 4 weeks. I would cry uncontrollably when I thought about the sacrifices that myself and so many made for this religion. To come to the realization that my entire life from early childhood had been based on a lie was almost a little too much for me at times. Cry, scream or shout just let it out.

    Dazed, I questioned my sanity and if I was making a mistake as well. Then I went to a CA and questioned why I believed it for so long.

    20yearfader, I wish you a successful and more peaceful journey.


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