I almost wished i took the blue pill....

by 20yearfader 32 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • whathappened

    It takes time. It has been two years for me and I am still fighting mad. I am 58 yrs old and wasted 56 of it in this horrible cult. Those were the best years of my life, and i spent it as a volunteer of a publishing house. If I only knew then what I know now. At least I can live the remaining years un oppressed.

  • moshe
    Those were the best years of my life, and i spent it as a volunteer of a publishing house.

    At least you can live the last half of you life as a free human being-

  • Xanthippe

    20yearfader, hang in there, it gets better. After nearly 24 years out I can honestly say you do learn to cope with the whole mortality issue. I was thirty when I left and felt as though I had been given a death sentence with only about 40 years before it was carried out. That feeling faded and I just started enjoying all the freedom.

    At first finding it was all rubbish is really hard but you will look back and realise how many things bothered you over the years and that you were not strange as others viewed you but you got it right which is why you are here on this forum. Just decide never to doubt yourself again. If something feels wrong it is because it is wrong. You made it, good for you


    I felt the same way. It's been about 3 years now, and sometimes in bad moments I still feel that way but realize very quickly that it's not true- I don't wish I'd never learned the truth. But it is hard to give up everything you know, your entire childhood, in many cases all of your friends and family. I'm sorry 20yearfader.

  • Ticker

    It is difficult as others have expressed. Your entire belief system and life were turned inside out due to the shattering of the Watchtower illusion. If you have a good support network you can trust use it to let out your feelings and gain support. Depending on if all your family and friends were in the religion you may not have that many people to lean on in times of need. Slowly branch out if you feel comfortable and begin to build new connections. Meet people through community events, meet up with others who have similar experiences, or even attend a Church. Not pushing any religion but you would gain a nice non-combative understanding support group that would be very different from the JW's.

    The whole Watchtower experience can take years to digest before being able to put it behind you. Even then like some have said you may get flash backs. Best of luck my friend.

  • Hortensia

    Dear one,

    Hang in there. It will pass. I have been out now as long as I was in, and I can tell you that after a while the entire JW life seems more like a television show you once saw. It loses reality and your true life can begin. You can make your own choices and be your authentic self, which was never allowed in the wtbts. I find the ability to be my authentic self is priceless and I love it.

    Once you are through the anger and grieving you'll find life is brighter and sweeter because you'll no longer put off the things you want to do, and you'll no longer slave for an impossible future.

  • notjustyet


  • Simon

    It really helps if you can open up to someone about how you feel and why. Most people are very sympathetic even if they cannot relate directly to your experience. I've described it in terms of movies (e.g. like "The Village") which helps. It goes against everything you've been told about "worldly people" but most people are pretty empathetic.

    The main thing though is that is does really get better and easier over time.

    While talking with exJWs is informative and useful because people truly understand without the background explanation, I'd encourage making non-exJW friends if you can to truly get over things otherwise your life is always defined by the WTS religion and past.

  • SkyGreen

    I see the comment a lot that JWs dont feel like they can grieve normally, as if it shows a lack of faith. this must be an old school way of thinking that prevails in some areas.

    Personally i have never experienced this - i remember a wt or a article talking about how before jesus wept even when he knew he was going to resurrect lazzarus. It said it is natural to grieve and we shouldnt feel it is a lack of faith if we do. Must find it and post.

    Just making it clear, im not an apologist, im a fader. But in the interest of balance, I think its important to acknowledge that they sometimes get it right.

    OK sorry to go off topic.... i'll repost when my last thread expires!

    love, Sky
  • 20yearfader

    Good to know that you guys have had or had these same questions/emotions i think i'm done with organized religion going to sit down and read the bible without the binders on for a change and draw my own conclusions.Funny how fading for so long i never had the courage to research the wt until a couple of months ago so i never had to confront these issues until now.thanks for the encouraging comments

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