by Terry 56 Replies latest jw friends
Terry, oooh. Smiler is crazy bad!
(Didn't I read about someone here who claimed they were in a dumpster and the trash was being compacted but he didn't get crushed? So, I was laughing when I shouldn't be laughing...... so was Smiler! )
Where is his court appointed attorney?
What are the charges?
How did this all begin?
I like Smiler's diary.
When my kids were little I'd go into their room at night to tell them a story.
I did not like reading bedtime story books. For one thing, the books are crappy and vapid, usually.
So, I'd just start talking and see where it went.
Over a period of 365 days a year for many, many years I would instantly make up a new story each night.
I developed a muscle for it:)
I just start writing, now, and I "listen" as it goes and sort of nudge here and there to maintain interest.
I don't know know where Smiler is leading us!
There are things I'm ready to know about him.
But, the question is---am I writing this for anybody but myself?
Let's get some input here.
What's on the mind of the readers?
Where is his court appointed attorney?
What are the charges?
How did this all begin?
I like Smiler's diary.
That was a Deposition.
Smiler isn't charged with anything.
I don't know....yet.
The impression I'm getting here is a sort of Sling Blade kind of guy who isn't mentally challenged.
I'm trying different formats for Smiler to "vent" things.
What led up to Smiler being called "The Monster"?
Any other sessions with the Doctor?
~~~~
Your methods of venting have been enjoyable.
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Terry, you must have scared the crap out of your kids every Halloween!!!
Dear Diary Cow,
Get it? You just change a letter around and diary becomes Dairy?
I'm funny. I know.
The Deposition was not the fun I usually have. Not at all.
For one thing, that Judge was way too constipated in his attitude.
You expect a District Attorney to be a Dick--but, the two of them together?
Anywaaaaay...
I called the Morgue. I had this wonderful idea.
I was pretending I was a relative. Can I pay my respects and all that...
The person on the other end of the line was sort of amazed anybody would want to
view the body! Crushed and all, I mean.
Well-yeah! I DO! I've never seen a crushed body! How many chances does a person get in a lifetime? So many questions I want settled.
LIke what, you ask, old dairy cow?
I'll tell you.
Do all the body fluids exit every opening equally? Or, just the major openings? A heavy duty squish
should make for some fascinating possibilities!
But--they wouldn't allow it. Wouldn't listen to reason. The lady on the phone handed me off to her supervisor and he started pumping information right off.
I wanted to game him for the usual fun. Then, the though struck me; do they trace calls at the Morgue? I hung up.
Deer Diary,
You were a cow and now you're a deer!
I could be a comedian. No doubt. Not a doubt!
That drunken football player, as it turns out, is a humanitarian! Two Super Bowl rings worth of
fame and he wastes his time working with the under privileged. God forbid. Prolly a scam. Just struttin' his stuff.
Any way, the detectives--so I'm told--took him in for questioning. This is getting good.
The more outraged he is that--him--a HUMANITARIAN--is being drilled for squishing a bar rat, the
more guilty he'll sound! Life is beautiful in times like these. Don't you know it!
I thought I saw Raymond again today. Startled me. I mean, I KNOW it wasn't. Just sort of looked like--
Don't be Stupid--is what I said out loud when the surprise wore off. I just shrugged and went on about my business.
I'm running short of cash. That pool playing bar chick (you know, the FLAT ONE :) --well, her cash is gone now. I spent it all.
You wanna know what I spent it on? I may not tell you. I'm saying "may" not. After all,
you are some kind of crazy deer cow--why should I?
Okay. Okay.
I bought a cool looking knife at the Pawn Shop. It was very expensive. But, it looks soooo cool--I couldn't pass it up.
What's so cool about this pricey knife? Well, shut up and I'll tell you!
One thing I hate is a mouthy deer cow.
ha ha..just kidding.
The blade on this sucker is so sharp you can cut a tomato and then immediately cut through a soft drink can--like that commercial on TV. But--let me give you a strong bit of advice. Don't do what I did. Or should I say--what I shoulda did. I should have drank that Coke first.
Ha ha ha. I'm lying.
You know I'm not stupid. I told you before. I test out at genius level! Honest to God.
This knife folds into the handle. It is mother of pearl.
You squeeze it a certain way and---CLICK! Not a switchblade. A real knife. It snaps open.
So, technically it must be a...Snap Blade. Who knows? I'm a genius but not a knife expert.
Give me a break, will you?
Diary of Mine,
Yes, I mean YOU!
That stupid knife! It almost put me in jail for a long long spell.
I was standing at the bus stop. It was dark because the sun had been down for half an hour.
Duh.
I feel some creepy breathing on the back of my neck and I look out of the corner of my eye.
Like, you know? To SEE who is crowding me!
I'd swear it was Raymond! I'm not kidding.
I whipped my snap blade out like I've been practising. I meant to red line that sucker right where his stupid adam's apple made a left turn!
I whirl around and--if I'm lying I'm dying: it was a Policeman!
Dear Diary,
No funny business today. Sorry.
What a stupid reason to be fingerprinted and booked.
I did not technically or actually assault the Policeman with a deadly weapon.
I explained in plain English too. Very calm. Measured. Logical like.
"Officer," I said, "I thought you were a Creeper and I was defending myself."
I had a genius of a story ready, too. He wasn't buying what I was selling. Not even at
half the price.
Cuffs. Free ride. Black fingers and SLAM!
The bread on that sandwich was stale. The ice tea was watery. Some jail cook does not deserve to be a Trustee for that crap! I wouldn't trust him to feed my dog! Except, oops! Ha ha ha. I almost forgot. My dog, if he was still around, definitely wouldn't trust ME to feed him. Not after that last time!
The Judge I got listened to my intelligently recited explanation and dismissed all charges.
He's an ex-G.I. too. But, he doesn't have a shrapnel wound like I do. (Sometimes I think I really do:)
I left my knife at the police station. I had to. It was over 5 inches from tip to handle. Can you believe that makes my wonderful frog sticker ILLEGAL? What a waste of my time and money!
I had plans for that blade. I had some good plans too. Scathingly good.
Oh well. Back to the drawing board, as Walt Disney prolly said one time too many.....
What led up to Smiler being called "The Monster"?
Any other sessions with the Doctor?
~~~~
Your methods of venting have been enjoyable.
~~~~
Terry, you must have scared the crap out of your kids every Halloween!!!
Whatever it was--I'm not sure we want to know.
I gather from what Smiler indicated--the Doc is no longer among the living.
I never told any scary stories to my kids.
Well, maybe just one. The one with the wolves.
I'd like to know if there are more than 2 people following this thread or not.
Thanks!
I am - its great!
gorgia
I am too!
(I meant to comment earlier on that i loved how he goes on about his intelligence... but then speaks with very poor grammar. I get that IQ and grammar don't have to have anything to do with one another, but I thought it was a cool quirk of his)
I am still enjoying Smiler. (and the Cowboys are my team )
Peace,
tammy
Not grammar, actually... just the way he uses slang and pronounces some words.
On a side note, we had a reservation at my restaurant today under the name Shelley, and it made me think of you and Smiler ;)
