New Here

by confusedteenager 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • confusedteenager

    Thanks for the welcome guys. Here's a little back story:

    Unfortunately, I have been baptized in the faith since I was 12, so there isn't much room to beg off as Jgnat would suggest I do. I gave up going to college in favor of pioneering, with the support of both of my parents, and pretty much have dedicated my whole life around this organization--with the doubts already culminating in my head. As I said, I've been reading on this site and other "apostate" sites for some time now--at least three or four years--and actually went through a period of time where I was going to the meetings and expressed my disbelief in the organization or in GOD period, obviously something my family wasn't happy about.

    What happened about a year ago is that I realized that I was going to lose my family, and most of my friends, and this made me very depressed. So I resolved to come back to the organization and in my opinion come to back to Jehovah, even though I had already read so many things about the scandals, and the misinterpretations of the bible, and the dishonesty in general. I figured maybe Satan was just blinding me into believing these things, and for a time I did feel happier when I started going back to the meetings and turning my life around.

    Now I'm in my fourth month of pioneering, and I feel like a complete and utter fraud because I'm just not certain about anything anymore, but I don't want to lose the relationships I have. I see the contradictions in the congregation, and I don't feel like any holy spirit is there, but it seems like I don't have anywhere else to turn right now.

    As my username states....I'm beyond confused. >.<

    Eitherway, thanks again guys. Hopefully something will click.

  • jgnat

    I suggest you start a list of things you do believe in. Like puppies, love, sunsets, anything that comes to mind. When in the midst of dismantling your belief system, it leaves you shaky, wondering what is worthwhile. Which is where the list comes in.

    How long will this pioneer stint go on? Might you start working on a plan B, like taking a part-time job, saving for college or another exit plan? Simply having some money in the bank gives you options. Which should reduce the depression.

  • cofty

    I think you already know that you don't want to be JW for the rest of your life. Sadly there is no easy or pain-free solution but you might be able to manage things on your own terms.

    My suggestion would be to begin making long term plans in terms of education, career, accomodation etc. Try to stay under the radar until the time is right for you.

  • unstopableravens

    welcome,glad to have you join,

  • problemaddict

    Hey CT. So you are a teenager barely probably? 19?

    You are so young, and have so much ahead of you, yet you are also old enough to know right from wrong.

    You don't have to pioneer to be a JW. You don't have to go to every meeting to be a JW. You don't have to go to extremes to maintain your relationships and friends. 67% of people raised as JW's, leave as adults. I was raised a JW. it took me years to research things, and I only recently got the courage to post here.

    It can be difficult to think of yourself as dealing with the ridiculousness of the religion of your youth, and not somehow equate that to giving up on God. Then you get the "its imperfect men doing the best they can", or "better to change with truth, than to be complacent with falsehood like Christendom".

    Stick around, there are alot of good responses to this circular reasoning. Be true to yourself. When you don't hold on to your personal integrity, it hurts you in the long run. So be smart, keep learning, learn how to think, and for Gods sake go to school to be a nurse. That is what I would tell my 19 year old girl if I had one.

  • DesirousOfChange

    CT -- I personally (and I know many others here have expressed it) went through all those same conflicts of feelings and emotions when I began to comprehend TTATT (The Truth About The Truth).

    The advantage that you have is that you are (it was suggested) 19 years old (or so).

    The disadvantage that you have is that you are " " " 19 years old " " .

    Advantageous because your entire adult life is ahead of you and you have the opportunity to determine what you are going to do with it, the disadvantage being that you likely are not ready to move on with your life on your own. I was over 50 years old when the doubting started and the realization settled in that this is all mostly a crock of ****.

    If you decide to stay in the Orginization (even if just for now) for the sake of family & friends, that is OK. It may be the best decision for you now and perhaps even later. Only you can decide. You can still change you goals and directions in life. You can stop the Super-Dumper Dub course you are on and instead concentrate on bettering your personal situation for the future. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PIONEER to be saved (JW Doctrine). Just be a good publisher, or even a mediocre publisher, or irregular publisher if you want. BUT GO TO SCHOOL. DO NOT listen to the WT propaganda that there is no time left to get an education and striving to better your lot in life.

    NOW is the time you must make inroads for your future. It sucks trying to do this a few years before retirement. (A retirement you thought you would never face.)

    Good luck.


  • Hortensia


    please please please get some kind of continuing education. Tell your parents you need to learn a skill and go to a tech school or trade school if necessary. Don't do what I did -- go on pioneering and trying to please the congregation until I cracked up in a serious depression in my 30s. If I could change anything, I would get an education sooner, and get out of the wtbts sooner.

  • ldrnomo


    Keep an open mind use logic and reason and you will do fine.

  • whathappened

    You are on the right track. Keep your eyes open and do some research on cults. You are in one, my dear.

  • Yohan

    Welcome CT! I just joined too. I was reading through the Bethel thread on here and I had this thought it would be great to send someone in under cover to document all the nasty things that go on at Bethel. You'd be the perfect candidate. I'll even take care of your flight there and back. :D

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