imagine your driving home and you see a house engulfed in flames and as you get closer to home you realize it's your neighborhood what goes through your mind? I hope it's not my house? it's kind of a natural reaction and i don't think it means that you wish the evil on another person.
Please say it's not mine
by Sulla 12 Replies latest jw friends
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Sulla
Perhaps it is natural, nancy drew, and perhaps you and I both might say or think that. But that doesn't take away the idea that having such a thought really is wishing evil on someone else. If you and I are in a room and a fireman says, "One of your houses, Sulla and nancy drew, has burned to the ground," then when I say, "I hope it's not mine," I really am saying that I hope it is yours.
To see why I say that, consider an alternative statement or sentiment: "Oh no!" That is, "I wish this weren't happening at all," is quite different from, "Given that this has happened, I hope it happens to you and not me."
Do we understand or excuse the sentiment? Probably. Winston Smith, in 1984, certainly doesn't seem to attract opprobrium for his betrayal of Julia: it is what happens to people who face the worst thing ever. But our understanding of his actions or, by extension, the actions of those in that firehouse the other day, doesn't change the nature of what they did. Between themselves and the worst thing ever, they wished to impose someone else.
Not all of them said it, we don't know if all of them thought it; probably not, since reactions vary between people in situations of impossible stress. Nobody can say whether he would have said or wished the same. I don't think there was anything about that hour in the firehouse that was not completely true.
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mrsjones5
For shame! Your baby may have died by the hads of a madman and you're hoping like he'll that it isn't true. For shame!
Your arguement is weak Sula. My kid wasn't murdered but I wish like hell none of those 20 babies were. Hoping that its not your child isn't wishing that it's someone else's. It's a stage of grief called denial with a little bit of bargaining thrown in:
The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include: [2]
- Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death. Denial can be conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage. - Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief. - Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..." People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death. - Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation. - Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model
- Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."