You asked if I am still with my husband and the answer is yes.
My husband was deleted as an elder in March of 2009 because of me. I was throwing a fit over the fact that we had three pedophiles in the hall.
The CO demanded that I get a handle on my feelings about them and that because my husband was an elder I would have to have them in my car and take them out in service.
It would have been over my dead body. I noticed you did a thread about you parents going out in service with a pedophile and his wife and how yet your mother shuns your brother.
I do not know what my husband would have done if I had not been so extremely mad and flipped out over it. This was a deal breaker in our marriage.
Well because I was vocal and I even sent the court and police records to Bethel the elders did not like that and so they deleted my husband because they told him I was not in subjection enough after all of his years of putting them first and being in their brotherhood they kicked him out in one night.
We have talked of splitting up, it been really hard with a lot of hurt but I do agree with problemaddict and what he/she said here
("Time only moves in one direction, and those things are no longer happening to you, so I know it sounds oversimplified, but you have to complete that circle of letting things that already happen, continue to affect your now. Know what I mean? Think on that concept for a while. That the event that caused your pain has already happened. So what causes the pain now since it isn't happening now?")
Its been so hard but my husband is not fighting me about not going to the meetings he knows I do not believe in the cult anymore and that I HATE IT now with a passion and he lets me do that without juding me now and that is huge. Plus a part of me still loves him and I feel sorry for him, he put his whole life into this cult, gave up years of making a living doing what the CO's demaned and they just dump him.
It still hurts when he goes out in service and I worry about the pedophiles that might be there. All three of the pedophiles I knew of have left the hall because of the fit I threw. I brought it out in the open not on purpose but it came out only because of how the elders were treating me. My husband was being used so much that when I stopped going it was huge news in the hall. It was funny because it truly backfired on the elders. They were blaming me for telling everyone and yet it was not me but them in a ton of ways in how they handled it.
Anyway I am trying to move for now, I am getting counselling and it helps a lot but its like being really hurt badly like breaking a bone or something that puts you in the hospital. It can heal but it still hurts when someone touches it or something that reminds you of the past. It just all comes flooding back.
I am trying to do what problemaddict said and realize that "So what causes the pain now since it isn't happening now?"