I am exhausted emotionally. (page 2)

Chariklo

In the local Kingdom Hall is an elder who I always thought was so nice and kind.

One day I found him talking to a little boy only just turned three. The child had behaved beautifully (sat unnaturally repressed) all through the Sunday meeting. I caught the elder scolding him savagely, as if he'd committed a great crime, for raising his voice happily after it had finished. Just that one little incident rang warning bells for me.

With good reason. Two or three months later, that elder showed his true colours as a two-faced ***%#%***, and I saw just what a huge mistake I'd made ever to get involved with this crazy, two-faced religion. I vowed never again to enter a Kingdom Hall, and I never have, and never will.

I've spent today happily with two of my grandchildren, aged 20 months and 3 years. As I read your story, Toenail, I felt so sad for the little girl that you were, and thought of that little boy, his mother and grandmother well and truly under the thumb of that elder and the repressive, hypocritical elderette who tried so hard to indoctrinate me.

Bella15

I am sorry paintedtoenails ... i know ... we all know ... and we understand you ... sending you my love ...

PaintedToeNail

nancy-What wonderful fantasies! Thank you for your kind words!

happy-I know it is typical cult behavior, and my parents are still involved. They would justify themselves to the very end, saying they were putting Jehovah first. It hurts to know they would have let me die rather than get me the medical help I needed. I really don't know why I didn't kill myself as a kid, the OCD was so horrible, I would beg Jehovah to kill me. I am healing though, but, sometimes it physically hurts! Thank you for your encouragement.

size-You have wise words, as usual. It would be nice to know I was alone in this process. How wonderful it would be if no one else but me were harmed by this crazy soul stealing cult, instead of all of us walking wounded here and in the rest of the world!

Lozhasleft

I'm so sorry you've suffered Painted and sorry that you're going through this now. I agree with Size though, sometimes we have to relive this stuff and deal with the terrible grief of how we suffered to be able to recover and move on. I'm sure that ultimately this will end up being a good experience for you. But honestly, I do know how awful the pain is, I'm not undervaluing what you're feeling, not at all.

take care

Loz x

perfect1

Wow, Seriously painted,

I can relate to your story from my own life experience.

My parents would not take their children to the hospital when bones were broken on two separate occasions. Similar to you my Dad uprooted his family following some non existant job prospect to a cold and impoverished place where we were all unprepared. I had freezing and wet feet every single day. Strangely, no one ever cared to ask me if I was warm enough in the cast off clothing. In fact I was freezing, and made to gather wood.

Also, as an adult while in college they came to visit me, typically bereft of any resources they stayed with me in my room in a house I shared with roommates. My mom cooked a meal which I was unable to eat because I was feeling ill. She was so angry that I refused her food she would not say goodbye, and rolled up the window on my pleading with her as they drove away and I stood in the driveway crying and feverish.

As it turned out, I was unable to eat because I had pneumonia. I was sick alone and delirious for over a week during Christmas break. All of my housemates had gone to their families for the holiday, while mine had driven away in anger.

Eventually, a roomate did come back, I was halucinating from dehydration and sickness, I had not left my bed in several days and in that time ate and drank nothing. My roomate took me to the hospital, and after about two weeks I recovered. My condition was serious and at the hospital I needed an IV.

Even as an adult, they are unable to SEE me and take anything I do to be a personal insult against them, even when I have been desperately in need of their help.

I am going through a similar thing as you, I am just beginning to grasp what my life was like and who they really are and what they did.

Neglect is abuse.

Hortensia

Dear one, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Similar things happened to me, terribly painful childhood in the wtbts. Counseling helped me enormously. I hope you can find a good psychologist and work through this pain. It will help and you can move on to a happier life. Note, you may have to try two or three different counselors before you find one who suits you. Don't get discouraged.

PaintedToeNail

Chariklo-Sometimes it would be great if an undercover TV news show would be at the KH to document these sadistic, egotists, what shining light of truth that would be!...so much for not bringing reproach...

Bella15-Thanks for the love smack, I appreciate it!

Loz-Sometime it has to get worse before it gets better. There is no way out of pain, except through it. Difficult at times though! Thank you for your support.

perfect1-geez, she gets mad because you are sick. I'm so glad your roommate came back and helped you! Too many stories like ours are repeated too often!

Hortensia-I will get counseling soon, waiting for the new year, as insurance is changing and I don't want a pre-existing condition on my record and have the new insurance jump on that as a reason not to pay. I have been working towards recovery in fits and starts for 20+ years, but now it has really sped up since my 'fade'.

creativhoney

I'm so sorry - seems with all religions it breeds 'extremists' and you have been in a very sad position - I don't blame the religion for that - it was probably a good way for them to be controlling.. My stepfather used it as a control mechanism, but I didn't have your childhood (((((hugs)))))

Chariklo

I've just finished reading a book called "Mister Pip" by Lloyd Jones, a New Zealand writer. Shortlisted for the 2007 Man Booker Prize, it is about a childhood on Bougainville Island.

A beautiful, funny, desperately sad, tragic, kind, horrific book, yet full of hope and psychologically profound. It's nothing whatsoever to do with Jehovah's Witnesses, and yet it's one of those books that leaves you feeling you'll never be the same again.

It too deals with reliving and working through and recovering from childhood trauma. It's a book I think you'd enjoy in its own right, and, Toenail, it might actually help.

i normally read very very fast, but this book I read very slowly and savoured every word. I recommend it.

flipper

PAINTED TOE NAIL - I'm so sorry that you went through those abuses my friend. It's horrific. Please know and be aware of our friendship and care for you here on the board. Hugs from my wife and me to you. Take care, Sincerely, Mr. Flipper

I am exhausted emotionally.

Share this