Since it's been in the news recently, why not compare what was done at Penn State with the Conti trial?
Update on Mrs Obvious and myself
by Captain Obvious 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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atrapado
From my experience what help my wife was reassuring her no matter what happend or what we decided she would always have my support and love. I remember telling here I would be there for her and if she wanted me to be at the meetings I would be there too.
After she lost the fear that if we leave the borg all hell breaks loose, she told me that she would continue to go and didn't want to loose her friends. I supported her. However, she started missing meetings and on her own she stopped all together. It happen much faster than I thought. I would still ask are we going to the meeting today and she would say 'No'. I was planning to keep going after a while but since she stopped I saw no need to keep going.
One of the things that she didn't like was that when she missed meeting, a few in a row, she could feel the preassure from sisters, and she had been pioneering and there were many sisters putting pressure on her to pioneer again. Some where not even pioneers and would just tell her that they should start pioneering together again etc. etc. that was a huge turn off for my wife. Basically after she was free the memebers pushed her away.
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everchangingworld
I woke up on my 15th year of pioneering, my husband was pioneering too and an elder. I never thought he'd wake up, he used all the circular reasonings at first when I started talking to him about my issues with the Wt. I felt like I was going crazy.
I agree with all the posters. It's a time to be patient and to keep reassuring your mate of your love & support. I guess within the JW arrangement, there's the whole headship thing, so I went along with family study/meetings for a few months after waking up, but I used those opportunities to respectfully (LOL like a good submissive dub wife!) ask questions about why certain things were the way they were. Anyway, it worked! :) It was hard to be patient because I just wanted to move on with everything, but it was worth it. We both left for good less than a year later.
Good luck!
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notjustyet
MArked
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Captain Obvious
Wee managed to have a couple good conversations since then. She finds them draining, and I don't blame her but she understands that I need to get things off my chest once in a while. She also doesn't understand why I would be angry at the org... I've tried explaining how the shunning tears apart families (even mine) but she still just blames individuals as cultists are trained to do. She is the type of person, though, who once she does wake up and see the unfair mental influence, she will hate the org worse than I do.
We went to the 2 day mind control session last weekend, which involved 4 hours of driving in the snow each way... On the drive home we talked about how it is a very real possibility that I could eventually be DF'ed. I explained that I have to plans to ever go in service again, and that will eventually bring the hounders around. She understands now that us sitting down with them at any time will start the ball rolling. I'm glad were on the same page there.
I've given her time between conversations to digest things, I think it helps. I see her accepting things more as they are, and I've been able to learn what her real beliefs are. She doesn't believe only JWs will survive Armageddon, but still believes we are in the last days and the big A will be along any minute now. She also believes we desperately need a policy change on child abuse cases. She's starting to see Christianity as a whole isn't evil, but doesn't quite understand Christianity 101 as the bible spells it out. She still manages to read JW doctrine into the scriptures. We honestly haven't been working on that enough.
For a while there I was getting a bit antsy, wanting her to wake up already. I see now that for her it will take time, and will go mostly unsaid on her part. She misses most meetings and rarely goes in service, but I think she feels a little guilt sometimes.
My current plan is not to attack the doctrines anymore, but to try and show her how to read the bible properly, without WT blinders. She will piece it together on her own. Once I see her getting annoyed at things taught at the meeting, I will know she is on her way.
She's not your typical JW. She has a little badass side, which I've always loved. She seems to just be holding onto some of the ideals and is completely unaware of the mind control she's under. I can see that she doesn't want to lose her family and friends, who can blame her? I've made it clear that I will support her in anything she wants to do, even if that means coming along to some meetings. I think she just sees JWs as a decent way to gather to worship, and of course it feels comfortable there as a born-in.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and if nothing screws it up too soon, I truly believe she will walk away with me. I'm honestly amazed how well she's been handling everything, despite my initial freak out when I woke up.
Thank you all for your opinions and advice, I really appreciate it!
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Balaamsass
Ask her "if you lived in ancient Isreal under one of the MANY bad kings....would you have attended the Molech festivals with everyone else? "
What WOULD you have done?
If you had lived in Jesus day..would you have followed Jesus...or the established "TRUTH" the Pharasees?.......
Take it out of current context to help her reason.
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Most Noble
Captain Obvious- Check your PM.
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Captain Obvious
Baalamsass thanks, I'll give that a go. I've been brainstorming ways to get her to learn to think for herself. I've also been reading Hassan's new book. Some good stuff there also.
Most Noble I did check my PM box, nothing new in there... Could you please send it again?