Words that were really hard to hear...

by NeverKnew 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  rip van winkle

  Hi NeverKnew, I read your words very carefully. The first thing that I noticed is that you said:

  "I've grown very fond of who has been talking about marriage next year"

  Fond is not love. Nor is it being in love. Nor does being in love always lead to marriage. Why discuss marriage when you haven't really discussed beliefs with eachother or expectations.

  "I have a tough time listening and I find that I leave the conversations not believing what I'm hearing so therefore I can't seem to retain the details."

  It sounds like you are infatuated with this person. If you are not paying attention to these conversations now and actively participating in them you are basing your foundation similar to the WTS- on the basis of lies and deception.

  "I asked what fears he held in walking down an aisle with me"

  Probably he can tell that you are not being truthful to him or even to yourself.

  Many here have offered you good advice. You stated that you are thick skinned so I didn't want to beat around the bush.

  Please think long and hard about what I have said to you. Sometimes the truth hurts. Don't fall into a romantic fantasy. It's not real life.

  I wish whatever path you take that it will be a happy and fulfilling one.
• 

  NeverKnew

  Lisa: "Fact is, he is in a relationship with you. This means that either he doesn't really think Jehovah is disappointed in his relationship with you, or he does think Jehovah is disappointed in the relationwhip but he could care less about disappointing Jehovah."

  Wow... Lisa... I could call him on that. I'd be leaning towards ultimatum but I love the "it's either a or b, which is it" element to your argument.

  Carla: I believe you nailed it. Recently, he did a demonstration of a field service call where he introduced us as husband and wife to a prospective victim, I mean "householder" and I was nauseous. I haven't agreed with one WT element in the last year!

  "Hello householder. There is doom and gloom and corruption in the world, don't you agree?" (I think he was waiting for me to jump into the householder's role, but I refrained and stayed silent so he continued). And the householder says, "yes, it's getting bad."

  "I want to share some good news with you because soon this will be over." HERE, I jumped. "Given Matthew 24:36 could you define soon?"

  "It's prophecy... in Isaiah 72..." he says.

  I interrupted with, "Wait, if you're about to tell me that a prophecy written over 2,000 years ago says something is going to happen soon, that timeframe is a little off from my definition of 'soon'. Aren't you getting ahead of Jehovah by inferring that something is going to happen 'soon'? And what about Luke 21:8-9 that tells us not to be decieved or worried or follow those who tell us the time is near? Isn't 'soon' the same as 'near'? Are you guys not worried about Jehovah's perception of you???? I can't talk about this...."

  I think he learned I'd suck at FS. The truth is, I suck at not being honest. The more information I have, the more I find myself chasing the rabbit... with a shotgun.

  *sigh*

  I'm sorry. I digress. Yes, Carla, I think you may be right. he is having pipedreams.

  We're both too old to be having kids. I'm secure in or out of a marriage and been there once. I know it's work.

  I'm just trying to understand from those who have been where he is. Is it more loving of me to fight this Mind Crime? If he ever got out, he would understand that I loved him and tried.

  Or, is it more loving to leave him alone so that he won't suffer the torment (self-inflicted or externally inflicted) of being married/in a relationship with a worldly?
• 

  mrsjones5

  That a lot of "him" going on up there. What about what's best for you? Do you really want to be married to a man who's religion presents you as never being good enough, a walking corspe? If your man has aspirations of being a MS or Elder they will be gone the minute he marries you. You will be viewed as the rock around his neck.

  But my question is why would you want a man who has quite plainly told you that he's having doubts and really can't love you the way you deserved to be love? Instead of focusing on him, why not focus on what you rellly want out of a life partner. I have a feeling you know your man doesn't quite measure up.
• 

  NeverKnew

  As for the religion and anyone who chooses to be die-hard adherent who may treat me as a leper? "F" em.... :) That crap may affect those that are or who have been a part of the JW faith, but their perception of me won't affect me in the LEAST bit. Except for him, there are no ties. His concerns seem to be with Jehovah's hatred, not the congregation.

  Why have I fallen for him? I love how hard he works at showing me he's suitable. In 25+ years of dating/marriage, he's the one that has shown me more sincere love than more than a few. He and I have known each other for 15 years. This is the first year we've dated.

  The security of knowing the person you're dating was a friend first feels good. :)

  Gotta run out for a minute but still looking for comments!
• 

  mrsjones5

  And yet there's a "yeah but". The opinion of his congregation may not affect you (and I'm happy if you're really that strong) but its going to affect him and from what you've told us here and now it's already started. You're going to do what you want, I'm glad you're at least trying to go in with your eyes wide open.
• 

  Ding

  As painful as this is, at least you didn't walk the aisle and THEN find out he's already married to the Watchtower organization.