Last night, I listened to words that were really hard to hear. I'm not sure how much of the conversation I blocked out.
I intentionally initiated a conversation with a JW man that I've grown very fond of who has been talking about marriage next year as recently as last weekend (our anniversary weekend). We have had the conversation before, but I have to admit, I have a tough time listening and I find that I leave the conversations not believing what I'm hearing so therefore I can't seem to retain the details. Overall, there was very little difference this time.
I asked what fears he held in walking down an aisle with me. He stated that he is realizing that I don't believe what the organization is saying (I'm VERY verbal about my uh... we will call it "confusion"). There were points made about not being promoted (not sure of the term) to MS or elder and being looked down upon within the congregation. But folks, the absolute worse thing I heard was that he was okay with losing communication with the few family members in, but that he was having a the worst time with the fact that marrying me would "disappoint" Jehovah. My heart sank.
I have a relatively thick skin and, out of a love for him, I've spent a year learning about the history of the organization along with the psychology of being in (thanks to you guys), but it's impossible to hear something like this and not feel thoroughly insulted.
I'd been trying to crack the WT's stronghold and had made progress until he started asking the elders to help him with my questions. Since then, I've been talking to a wall. I thought about insisting he read Hassan's CCMC and asking him to promise me that there were no correlations to his organization but I don't know what affect that would have, if any.
There is no doubt he loves me, but given his current indoctrinated state and what he would have to endure, is it more loving for me to walk away?