Could you live with not talking to your JW family for the rest of your life?

by ÁrbolesdeArabia 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  featherimiss

  It is so sad to hear the stories of those who are afraid of losing their families and those who have lost their families.

  I've been blessed that I have not lost my family. My father is an elder and my mother has never been that strong of a JW..both just try to ignore that I openly belong to a non-denominational church, openly celebrate every holiday and very involved politically. They justify still associating with me because I have never been disfellowshipped. My father has told me that I need to go to the brothers to disassociate myself. I've told him numerous times that I would never EVER go before any man to discuss my relationship with God. But also my parents are very good people..because both of my sisters are disfellowshipped and they still are very supportive of my sister and their children.

  I do not know the belief system of you all. But I really believe in God...so I know if I put God first (It took a long time to get over my JW abuse to get to know God), it will not matter what your family decide. God will really provide you with what you need.

  And if you don't believe in God. It's the same principle...be true to yourself and you will have true joy. And you will attract friends with like minds and interest.

  I have been away from JW's and exJW's for awhile...and after reading this post...my heart ache. I pray all can be healed on their journey and remember it's your journey. Not your family or friends. You are responsible for your life...not theirs.
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  JustHuman14

  I From the parts of the world that I come from, WT couldn't completely break the family bonds, like it did in many Western Countries. My family still speaks to me, my kids, my parents, my brother & sister.

  But even if I they didn't I would be able to carry on, since I would never give way my freedom
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  cofty

  BigMac - I don't think I knew that about your situation. I'm sad to hear that, its as bad as it gets. Good to hear you are there for your oldest now.
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  Hortensia

  Yes, yes I could.

  Didn't have to, though, in the long run. They're all out now, except for some in-laws. But I was the first out, and was willing to not talk to them anymore if that's how they wanted it.
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  Lady Lee

  It was hard in the beginnign to deal with the loss of my mother due to her decision tio shun me. But as I got healthier I just could not even tolerate her on the rare occisions I did see her. She is a woman who has created a fantasy about her life that has nothign to do with reality. Sometimes reality bites but it is a lot better then hypocrasy and lies
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  whathappened

  Oh, some of these posts here are so sad. What pain this religion is causing people all over the world. Every family is at one time or another touched by this ridiculous shunning.

  My mother in law and father in law were df'd for smoking in 1974. They rarely if ever saw thier 3 children or 5 grandchildren. We all thought we were showing tough love and that Jehovah would judge us adversely if we had anything at all to do with them.

  My only daughter knows exactly how I feel about "the truth." We had another hour and a half discussion about it Friday night. I am not df'd or da'd, but she knows she is supposed to not talk about apostate things with me. She assures me that she will never shun me. How blessed I am for having such a sweet girl. I hope she doesn't change her mind. Her husband would like me never to associate with the familyagain, fearful I will pull my daughter out, but he has not forbid it so far. I have a 4 year old grandson who loves me as I love him. I don't want to even think about losing them from my life forever. It would be horrible for me.
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  GrandmaJones

  I guess I would have to. For the most part, it has already happened.
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  King Solomon

  Yeah, it's a good point raised, and one I've thought about. My answer is YES, as it IS my reality, not just a possibility.

  You hear some on JWN saying how they're caught in a trap between losing their JW family or escaping the religion. It's easy to "romanticize" family members as something that you'd miss, where the reality for many is that they already ARE absent emotionally, so what you're grieving in many cases is the IDEA of a loving family you never even had, and not the REALITY of the family that you actually HAD.

  But the bottom line is that family who don't respect and support your choices are not really fulfilling the family role anyway, so in some cases it's healthier to simply leave the dead-weight behind and proceed with making your dreams into a reality. Sometimes the FEAR of loss is worse than the loss itself actually is.
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  00DAD

  Who we let into our life should be a decision we make. Some may accept the offer, some may decline. But when a third party, in this case the WTBTS, says who we can and cannot associate with that is clearly wrong.

  Obviously, a lot of people here on JWN come from very dysfunctional families. They say they are better off without them in their lives. I'm sure that's true in some cases. But there are also an awful lot of us that would really like to have healthy, normal relationships with our families--our fathers and mothers, our brothers and sisters, our sons and daughters--but are prevented from doing that because of the damaging and un-Christian WT policy of shunning.

  In answer to the OP question, yes I could live without talking to my family for the rest of my live, but I don't want to. This is not a decision I made, it is a decision that is forced upon me and my family by the writers of the WT. Even a casual reader of the WT finds that the WTBTS regulary admonishes their members to not communicate with those that have left the religion or were excommunicated. The artificial "Loyalty Bind" created by WT policies is one of the cruelest abuses of their authority.

  True, they only have whatever authority we as individuals allow them to exercise over us. But even if we renounce their authority, as long as our loved ones still believe (or pretend to believe out of fear of their own cutting off) then we are affected.
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  perfect1

  Agreed KS

  You hear some on JWN saying how they're caught in a trap between losing their JW family or escaping the religion. It's easy to "romanticize" family members as something that you'd miss, where the reality for many is that they already ARE absent emotionally, so what you're grieving in many cases is the IDEA of a loving family you never even had, and not the REALITY of the family that you actually HAD.

  absolutely true for me.