JW's misrepresenting their relationship with xjws.

I attended a class reunion at my home town this weekend. During our dinner, one of my classmates told me he had met a friend of mine, who was visiting his son in Dallas,while he was in line for breakfast at some restaurant. When he told me the man's name and described him, I was baffled by how much this person my classmate had met knew about me and my life. When our reunion ended, my classmate asked me to try and find out who this man was. I told him I would as I was intrigued about the whole affair. Later, when I visited with one of my cousins, who is a catholic, I asked him if he knew anyone, by the name my classmate had given me, who knew that much about me. My cousin told that the man was his sister's husband, an elder in the local congregation. I got the man's cell # and called him. I related what my classmate had told me about meeting and speaking with him about me. He told me that it had indeed been him and then quickly hung up on me. His wife, my cousin, quickly called me back screaming at me that I was not to call her number again and that she did not know who had given me her # but that she was going to find out; where opon she quickly hung up the phone on me. I never had a chance to say a word. She then called her brother and screamed at him for giving me her #. I was angry because this elder, whom I have never seen or met and who will not speak to me, represented himself as a friend/family member of mine to my classmate. This is just hypocritical of him. If jws don't speak to us, I feel that they should not speak about us as if they are our friends or associates. They should not use our persona for whatever reason they choose. I am thinking of writing a letter to his BOE and telling them that if they shun xjws that they should also refrain from using ,our name and/or our persona when talking to our friends or any other worldly person. I am the only one of my siblings or cousins who has a university degree and they admire that. Two of my nephews are bigshots in the borg, one is a DO and the other is a former Bethelite who give talks at the DC. My jw cousins view them as if they were Christ himself and are afarid to do anything to offend them. How do you people feel about jws using your name/pesona when they shun you? Has anything like that happened to you? Would appricate your commets. Am I overreacting?

mrsjones5

It doesn't feel good but folks are gonna talk about you and misrepresent you whether you want them to or not. My mother has done the same to me during our periods of noncommuication. She tells people that we aren't close anymore, that we don't talk and she doesn't know why. I come out looking like the evil daughter who keeps her grandchildren away from her. She knows why but what good would it do to go back to all the folks she's told this lie to who actually believe her. None.

I would be mad at ths person who misreprented you also but I've learn the only good reaction is no reaction other than being a good person and living a good life.

LostGeneration

They are hypocrites, plain and simple. I can see why you are pissed, but writing a letter will probably do nothing (unless it makes you feel better)

That is funny though how they panicked, I think calling them out on it is enough.

WingCommander

I would show up on this guy's doorstep - unannounced (just like they always do) and when he opens the door, turn around and be all like, "Hey Brother Elder Knowitall, how are you doing!!! So good to see you......and since this the first time I've ever met you and you seem to know so much about me, how about telling ME about yourself? Say, did you also happen to know that I'm profecient in hand-to-hand combat, a marksman, and also have many friends whom are lawyers? If you'd rather I not come to your house again, may I suggest you shut the fuck up about me and mind your own business, or else you'll discover more about me then you bargained for."

Walk away calmly as Elder Knowitall is left with his jaw hanging.

The End.

- Wing Commander

00DAD

panhandlegirl: If jws don't speak to us, I feel that they should not speak about us as if they are our friends or associates. They should not use our persona for whatever reason they choose. I am thinking of writing a letter to his BOE and telling them that if they shun xjws that they should also refrain from using, our name and/or our persona when talking to our friends or any other worldly person.

It'll probably make YOU feel better, but it won't change anything.

00DAD

panhandlegirl

mrsjones5, I don't care if jw say bad things about me. What I felt was that he was trying to enhace himself in the eyes of my classmate by using me, someone who he has only heard about. That is what makes me mad!

LostGeneration, When I called, my cousin answered the phone and because we have not spoken in years, she didnot recognize my voice and did not know who was calling. I only asked to speak to her husband and did not identify myself. Just before he hung up, I told him my name, although he knew who I was when I mentioned my classmate. You would have thought I was the devil incarnate. I believe my cousin was peeved even more because I got the better of her because she would have hung up on me in the first place and would not have allowed me to speak to her elder husband. Yes, callling them out was sweet!

WingCommander, If I did not live on the East coast, across the US from him, I would do as you described.

Do you guys find it interesting that jws would discuss xjws, I mean even our achievements, so that even members of the family or friends who do not know us, are so aware of what we are doing. I think some of them are secretly jealous of us and our freedom and how we have survived and prospered without the organization. They, on the other hand, hold the elders and those above them in high esteem while their own lives are spent going d2d and living under rules that dictate what to wear when they check in at hotels and what medical treatments they can take advantage of and/or whom they can speak to. What a waste of their lives. Kudos to us!

LongHairGal

panhandlegirl:

I think I know what you mean and have encountered this myself. I feel the reason that JWs in general misrepresent their real relationship with an ex-JW is because they do not want the world in general to know what really goes on in the religion. So, to an outsider they appear chummy with the ex-JW, but, to his face they shun him/her.

Think about it: if they were talking to somebody who is not a JW and it came out that a certain JW doesn't talk to their blood relatives, this person might ask why?

Then the stuttering JW would have to air the dirty laundry of the religion and all its hypocrisy and dysfunctional policies to somebody who is on the outside. Not a good advertisement!

Diest

What else are they going to talk about....Politics..nope. A movie...prob not, we dont want to stumble anyone plus most of the good ones are rated R. Maybe they could talk about the charitable work they do...ooo wait no. Birthdays, no. Christmas plans, No. NO, NO,NO, NO.

In a group that only says no to everything you have very little to talk about. Gossip, although technically frowned upon, but it is what you have. There is nothing wrong with gossiping about an ex-JW.

steve2

panhandlegirl, I do feel for what you've been through. It hurts and it infuriates. If the man had had an ounce of human kindness he would have shut his trap and not said a word about you (based presumably on what he's heard others say so undoubtedly full of conjecture and speculation).

Fact is, he's dismally typical of not just JWs, but humans in general (which is why gossip tabloids sell so well). I'm not saying, "just ignore it and move on".

However, I would say that, in your hurt, you have unintentionally added to the "problem" by literally invading his home privacy by phoning him.

Did you really think he would say, "Oh yes, you're so right. I shouldn't have acted in such an unchristian way! I am so sorry."

His wife was doing what spouses the world over do if their partner appears distressed by something: She got involved and told you to back off. Sure, her words wounded you even more - but she sounds like a damn fine, protective spouse to me. Imagine if your spouse stuck up for you that way! The man's wife simply validated his response - which is what couples often do. It ain't right or wrong - but it's deeply felt.

Regardless of how hurt and infuriated you feel, you need to own that you approached him - and from his point of view, you invaded his privacy.

BTW, when I left in the early 1980s - a million years ago - my supposedly best friends in the organization - told my work colleagues that I was mental and would probably do something stupid in the near future. It hurt like hell but I knew it had occurred as private conversations so I would not have a leg to stand on if I had confronted them. The best response? A life outside the organization that has been - and continues to be - well spent. And yes, when I recall those earlier memories, it can still hurt that my best friends spoke in such a cruel way about me. But part of me accepts that's what people do when they try to defend their religion.

As the old English saying goes, we become "sadder but wiser" and refuse to stoop to their level which builds personal integrity.

JW's misrepresenting their relationship with xjws.

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