What should I do??? Help!!

by Delite2k 20 Replies latest social relationships

  • Delite2k

    I'm a non-JW dating a JW male ( for three months now) and he treats me like a woman should be treated. He's the best i've ever been with...ya know what I mean?!......We have sex when and where we can (receintly at the job ), and we have wonderful oral sex, he likes to talk dirty and different stuff. We really care about each other, but i'm thinking though, one day our religious differences is going to surface and I don't know how to handle it, although he seems like he's not all into the "rules and regulations" of the JW. But I know he's active. What should I do about this relationship......Or am I juz trippin?

  • COMF

    Milk it for the good times while they last, and get yourself mentally and emotionally prepared in advance to move on when it's time to.


  • Abaddon

    Delite2k; Well, your boyfriend is leading a double life, if he is an active Witness. Basically, he is going against scriptual council by even DATING you, and would not be allowed any priveliges or positions of responsibility within the Congregation. As as regards the sex, if this were found out he would probably be disfellowshipped, which would mean no WItnesses would talk to him, apart from MAYBE his family.

    Now, get me right here; I don't think you or he are doing anything wrong by being together and doing what you do - I'm just telling you what the attitudes of other Witnesses would be (I used to be a Witness).

    Now, what you have to figure out is;

    1/ Whether he believes it all and is just using you until a nice, acceptable JW girl comes along.

    2/ Whether he is conflicted; he's tried to believe, but can't, tried to live his life their way, but can't, and had found happiness with you, but has yet to break away from the JW's as he is afraid of losing contact with all his friends there. If he's conflicted, he probably still believes it IS 'The Truth', and that the only reason he can't 'do it right' is he's a bad person.

    3/ Whether he is on his way out already, as he doesn't believ it's 'The Truth' anymore, and is just living life his way until he gets caught.

    If it's 1 then you are going to get hurt. If it's 2, then you're gonna have some hard times ahead. If it's 3, it's STILL going to be difficult.

    The JW's are a cult; they stop you being able to examine other opinions, as any disagreement is seen as 'apostacy', and they kick you out. It's not like his mom took him to Church a few times a year when he was a kid; this stuff is GROUND in to him.

    Now, if you love him, and he's not using you, there's some hope, but you have to find out how he regards you, and how deeply he still believes.

    In doing this, if you attack the JW's in anyway, and he still believes it is 'The Truth', he will regard YOU as doing something wrong. You have a difficyult task ahead of you.

    Good luck.

  • Frenchy

    How many of these things have we seen already?!?

    If you're seriously asking a question (and I seriously doubt it) then I suggest that you consider the fact that your lover has a serious character flaw, i.e., lack of integrity. He is living two lives. That's always dangerous to anyone who has a relationship with such a person. He is both willing and able to carry on deceit for a prolonged period of time and that's not a good thing.

    BTW, what was the purpose in your being so graphic about your lovemaking? Would not have simply saying that you had a sexual relationship have been sufficient? Also, you spoke of religious differences, what is your religion?

  • Delite2k

    I was thinking the same thing.

  • Amazing

    Though I disagree with the Watchtower religion, and can understand how many JWs do end up having double lives ... Frenchy does point out something important about this. While the man you care about may end up being very good person once he can shake off the religion, until then, he may cause more serious problems for you for months or even many years.

    Following Bible principles, we will avoid trying to live - or demand others to live - by an extensive and rigid set of dos and don'ts that go beyond the teachings of the Bible. The Watchtower, 4-15-02, pg 22, pp 15

  • ashitaka

    Is this another case of.....

    Don't feed the......

    But, just in case I'm being too hasty, perhaps just finding a new man is possible for you. We've seen several instances of JW men using nice women like you to their pleasure, then booting them when they get their guilt going. Run away, love.


  • Delite2k

    To Frenchy: First of all I am seriously asking a question because I have never been involved with a JW before nor have I known one personally. I just really started reading about the the JW and I wondered why he choose to be with me. Second, we're adults here right? So I didn't think I was graphic at all. I was stating how he is, although he is not suppose to be like that. But what you and Abbadon we're saying made sense. He is living two lives. And i'm trying not to let myself fall in love with him, because I don't need another broken heart. I enjoy the time we spend together, but now what do I talk to him about this subject? By the way i'm Baptist.

  • AvailableLight

    How active are you as a baptist? How important are your religious beliefs to you? Do you believe the doctrines of your religion or do you simply carry the label as family tradition?

    These questions are important to ask. The JW religion is different than many other Christian religions with regard to how strictly it enforces its rules - especially with regard to sexual relationships outside of marriage.

    Go back and *memorize* Abaddon's post. It is dead-on accurate. Be careful about attacking the JW religion. Generally, JWs are pre-conditioned to view such attacks as coming directly from Satan. If your boyfriend buys into this idea and you attack, you may alienate him from communicating honestly with you.

    Instead, try to ask sincere questions - just as you have here. Try to find out where he stands within the three scenarios Abaddon outlined.

    If he does intend to continue his life as a JW, then he will likely try to keep his relationship with you a secret. Will you be able to handle this?

    If you do sincerely love him and begin to think long-term, you need to be aware of the issues that lay ahead if he decides to remain a JW: How will you handle birthdays and holidays? If you had children, how would you raise them? It may seem completely premature to think about these possibilities at this point in your relationship, but it is better to start thinking about them now before your emotional attachment to this person becomes too great.

    One last thing: I don't know what your or his age is, but it would be helpful to know if he is baptized or not. If he is, then all comments made in this thread apply as is. If he is not, then things change a little bit. Baptized JWs do not consider individuals who have not been baptized as JWs true members, even if such individuals call themselves JWs. Unbaptized individuals are not subject to the same level of discipline as baptized JWs, and cannot be disfellowshipped, even for fornication or adultery. However, some may treat them as disfellowshipped if such behavior becomes known.

    I wish you happiness.

  • LB
    We have sex

    totally against the rules, he isn't exactly a strong JW which may very well be a good thing.

    I'll be honest, talk to him about his religion. If he claims that he is a devote JW then dump his ass because he's a liar. Ask him if he would celebrate Easter with you next week. That's a big deal for Baptists.

    I wondered why he choose to be with me.
    Besides the fact that he's probably attracted to you my thought is that he really doesn't want to be with a witness woman for a couple of reasons. First a real witness woman won't have sex, and after marriage she wouldn't be allowed to give or receive oral sex. Second maybe,just maybe he's looking for a way out.

    But bottom line, he's living a double life and anyone involved with dual life people is looking for trouble. Talk it out soon before you totally lose your heart to him.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

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