Good for you. If only I had the guts to stand up for what I believe in and leave this chicken shit religion. You are a stronger man than I am because I fear "officially" leaving the WT because I think I would get a similar response from my wife. I wish you the best with this.
More excrement in the fan
by outsmartthesystem 49 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
outsmartthesystem
whathappened said "If she throws up the "you have to earn our respect and you aren't going to meetings so you don't deserve it" well then, I leave it in your capable hands to find the correct words to set her straight.
Well....that's what I am faced with. More important that than though.....I think she will eventually respond and tell me that she will not bargain. The kids will be JWs and go to every meeting and that is it. She will view anything other than that as a compromise of her faith. That's where I draw the line. I will not be bullied in my own home.
ruderedhead said - Your wife is obviously totally brainwashed, but that does not excuse telling your own children you are Satan's friend
Honestly I don't believe my wife told my children that. My 5 year old is quite smart. She is going on 6. I think she has reasoned that to be Jehovah's friend....you must go to teh kingdom hall. And those that don't go to the KH....well....they are in "the world". Satan controls the world....therefore I must be friends with Satan. My wife doesn't have to indoctrinate them. The meetings do it all by themselves.
GLTirebater - Thank you for the info on PAS. In this case....I don't think it applies. I do not believe my wife is intentionally trying to get the kids to alienate me. They are coming to that conclusion on their own based on the mind control they receive at the KH.
Wuz said - "You go ahead and try to get custody! Im going to show the judge that you are a MENTALLY UNSTABLE PARENT and that I should get FULL CUSTODY! Just TRY it!"
That is what I am afraid of. My brother in law....who went through a divorce 16 years ago warned me of the same. I emailed my lawyer to see if seeing my doctor due to my stress would have an adverse affect on a court's decision.
-
NOLAW
Dude: Going to meetings once a week is not big deal. Make sure you have your own 'family worship' evening with your kids in compensation. And use it to teach them scientific facts and critical thinking. And also make sure they take a big siesta on the next day to cover the loss of sleep.
-
BlindersOff1
bump
-
blondie
I grew up in a family where my father had never been a jw but had studied to the point of baptism and backed away. He was extremely abusive yet the brothers said we had to submit and show my father respect simply because he occupied that god-given position. Unless you are asking your wife to do something against her "christian" values, being disrespectful to you is not a "choice" in writing by the WTS. Doesn't the WTS even pretend to tell wives this scripture? It doesn't say this husband is jw, another religion, or ex-jw, just "if any are not obedient to the word."
1 Peter 3:1,2
In like manner, ? YOU ? wives, be in subjection to ? YOUR ? own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of [their] wives, 2 because of having been eyewitnesses of ? YOUR ? chaste conduct together with deep respect
-
mamochan13
outsmart - take care of your mental health, but do it in a cautious way so that it cannot be used against you later. In other words, get help but don't tell your wife you are depressed. The stigma is alive and well, unfortunately, and you are right to be concerned.
you are right about kids being smart. But you can also talk honestly with them during your "dad time". When they come out with the Satan remarks, just tell them its not true. Don't let your wife answer their questions because she will just reinforce that crap. I grew up in a home where my dad was not allowed to speak or be a father because he was not a JW. He could have stood up for himself but he chose not to, instead he just let us be indoctrinated. Don't let that happen.
Your wife is bribing the kids, too. Meeting night is a big treat with the ice cream. Perhaps rather than arguing about that one, counter it with a special non-meeting family night.
Hang in there. Your kids need you.
-
Tylinbrando
Another case where the children will unfortunately get caught up in the middle unless you strategically and carefully guide things otherwise. Much sound advice has been given as to what you portray to your spouse as to your mental health. In a custody dispute she will certainly try to discredit your parenting abilities because of it. DO NOT BE ABUSIVE in actions or words towards your spouse. I know it is hard. Strive to be mild with assertiveness. Document every single detail and interchange between you. Use this very thread as a resource.
Your children are going to get caught up in the character assasination because it is inherent with every narcissistic parent operating under the sectarian dogma of the WT. "We are right, everyone else is wrong" Your children are already displaying and voicing the alienation tactics employed by their mother to tear you down and equate you with a perceived nemisis, namely Satan the Devil. DOCUMENT THESE OCCASIONS.
It may seem impossible to you but you will be in a better position to help your children if you are present in their lives at every available opportunity. I you and your spouse separate, with the children at such young ages, it is hard to say how much opportunity you will have to visit with them. Perhaps you can acheive some type of peace with your spouse by refusing to pit the children against you by alienation tactics based upon the religion? You agree not to attack the religion, she agrees not to attack you and your stance transferring her position unto the children.
I would strive with all diligence to find a middle ground now with your spouse while the children are at such a manipulative age. When they have matured into their pre teens and start to develope reasoning skills, then you may want to take the more drastic action of separating the entire family. Even then, it will create huge amounts of turmoil for them as they will no doubt want to please both of you.
Do not allow yourself to be vilified. Be strong and research others who have been down your road. Consult with a Family Law Attorney who has background in dealing with religion and parental alienation issues. Plot out a course of action that looks into the future and do not get entirely caught up in the frustrations of the present. Slow, methodical, educated, confident steps will help you to keep your children under your fatherly wings and draw them closer to you. Let mom take them to meetings without a battle, and in turn spend as much time with them in normal life activities as you can. I promise, they will remember those times as they mature and even if they are receiving negative press about you from mom or her friends they will always trust you and want you in their lives. You may not be the Spiritual JW Head of the household, but it is YOUR family and you can still be an incredible Husband and Father.
My thoughts are with you and your children.
-
Nika Bee
This is so tough. Be strong, hang in there, you are brave!
-
braincleaned
Damn... I feel for you. My situation is quite different. I'm divorced now. My ex left for another brother who didn't question his faith (well, he is now - irony). But my 2 children go out in the service and meetings, and are told, even indirectly, that I am an apostate, hence, to not be believed. I have converted to atheism in the span on the past years, evolution being a big point of argument.
But this is my advice, for what it's worth.
Encourage your children to listen carefully to the meetings and their mom. Tell them that they must find our for themselves what the truth is. Point out that you encourage knowledge, while asking them if they find it fair that you shouldn't be able to share your conclusions also. Kids have an innate hate for unfairness. If they see you encourage them to study and know their Bible, and that mom demonizes anything that comes out of your mouth - THEY WILL eventually get the big picture.
I made a pact with my ex that made a fair point; I DID teach the kids the WTS's teachings in earnest. So I am the one that changed my mind. The kids know that. I tell them that it took me a long time to realize what I know see as truth… and that they too, will have an opportunity to decide what makes sense to them.
In short, use the kung-fu method. Don't punch back, just use all the weight of their mother's arguments and let them fall flat by themselves. Truth fears no examination - and the WTS fears it A LOT!
At the end, whether my kids decide to become JWs or follow the path of reason and Scientific evidence is up to them, and both parents MUST respect that. My kids are now 13 and 11 - and as of now HAVE NO INTENTION to get baptized, but they still appreciate the community. I grant them that with peace and pleasure. Logic is getting to them a little at a time.
The worse thing you can do is fight and court - especially if you win. The kids will never forgive you for separating them from their mom. Don't let the bitterness get to you. Be in peace and a constant stronghold for your kids. THe parent that wins is always the one that showed true love and respect for the other parent, and the intelligence of their kids.
This is thru experience - for what it's worth.
*Technically, I too am just inactive. I'm waiting for that to change when they finally read my Facebook wall! LOL!
-
braincleaned
Again, don't panic. Don't let all the advice get to you either. Just figure out what is logic for you. Even DF'd you are still the dad, even by WTS standards.
And, as Tylinbrando suggested, DO keep record of all ou can (discreetly). You never know.