More excrement in the fan

by outsmartthesystem 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • outsmartthesystem
    outsmartthesystem

    Well.....I am now officially on the precipice of divorce. It started last Tuesday night. My wife brings the kids home at 10:00 pm after the meeting....then dinner....then ice cream. I had a problem with it. You see....my oldest is in kindergarten. She gets up at 6:30 and she needs a lot of sleep. She is always in bed by 7:30pm and out like a light by 7:45. I read bedtime stories and have "daddy" time with my kids every night at bed time. BUT....if I dare go past 7:30.....I get nagged by my wife who accuses me of being selfish by not letting the children get the sleep they need.

    So here we are.....and 3 out of 4 Tuesdays since my daughter started school....my wife has kept them out past 9:30. I got upset and told her that it isn't fair that every other night of the week, she freaks out on me if I break the bed time rule.....yet it is perfectly ok for her to break it on every tuesday. Of course her response is "the kids like going out afterwards" and "it is only one night per week". My response was that it doesn't matter. If it is ok with her that her children be out way late one time per week......then the loving thing to do would be to pick a day when we can be together as a family. She then accused me of attacking her religion and said that all would be well if I would just go with them to the meeting on tuesday night......therefore I am the one to blame. I will spare you the rest of the details but it got uglier.

    Now comes the weekend. My youngest (3) said multiple times during the 2 day weekend....and I quote verbatim "listen, obey and be blessed". Which tells me she is being pounded with that horrific video that came out at the DC.

    Then came the final blow. My 5 year old asked my wife in front of me "Mama.....does daddy serve Satan?" I looked at my wife and said "well.....why don't you answer her?" She remained silent. Then at night....my 5 year old said "I just don't understand.....why to you want to be friends with Satan?"

    I was livid......but I managed to keep it relatively under control. (not killing my wife is considered success right now). I told her that I have a proposal. She is well aware that I think the meetings are indoctrinational mind control sessions that teach our children how to NOT think. I do not want them to go to any meetings. Yet, I realize that I do not have a monopoly on what they are and are not exposed to. So I cannot justifiably prevent them from going. Conversely, she does not have a monopoly either. And she cannot justifiably insist that they must go to each meeting. So I proposed that they will go to half of the meetings with her.....and the other half....they will spend with me at home. And if she doesn't like that suggestion then we will be exploring other living arrangements.

    Worse yet, I started off the conversation by telling her that I've made my first doctor's appointment in 4 years. I explained that given the situation we are in.....I am at the point of a breakdown. I am not a person that advocates the use of medication for things that we can control with a little effort. But I also realized that I am extremely depressed. I used to work out, cycle, run, take martial arts class. Now I do none of that. I lack the desire. I used to truly enjoy my work. Now I drag myself to the office. I used to be practically addicted to football. On Sunday I didn't even turn on a game. I simply lack the desire to do anything that I once enjoyed....and it is hard for me to put on a happy face around my kids. After telling her all of this.....she stared back at me coldly and said "is that it?"

    And that's when I saw the absolute/complete cult personality. She wasn't the slightest bit worried about me. I have dared to question the society.....which, I see, has invoked an automatic stone cold response from her. It is amazing how true/genuine love and affection and concern can be flipped like a light switch.

  • loading
    loading

    Were you once a witness?

  • rather be in hades
    rather be in hades

    wow, sorry to hear all that. i think i remember you writing another post about the subject earlier? maybe i'm confusing you with someone else.

    i hope things get better and for the sake of your kids i really hope you can find a way to keep the cult at bay.

  • St George of England
    St George of England
    I realize that I do not have a monopoly on what they are and are not exposed to. So I cannot justifiably prevent them from going. Conversely, she does not have a monopoly either.

    In JW parlance you have every right to decide on your childrens religious upbringing, when they are allowed to attend meetings etc. You are head of the house for goodness sake! Has your wife forgotten this? If so maybe you should remind her of her beliefs.

    George

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    Sorry man, don't have anything to say but hang tough.

    JWs will take a mile when given an inch. I think the toughest situation for someone who awakens is being married with young children. There literally is NO WAY OUT unless your spouse awakens.

  • out4good3
    out4good3

    After telling her all of this.....she stared back at me coldly and said "is that it?"

    Ouch!!!!

    Maybe the elders would put her in her place if you had both of those conversations with her in front of them. Pull out the headship and respect card and remind her that those kids are as much yours as they are hers. Might work since the only authority JW's seem to recognize is that of the organization so if you can use what theya re supposed to believe to your advantage.....

    If that doesn't work

    Time to lawyer up...

    Take care of your kids, but if being a witness and trashing your opinion and self worth in front of the kids is that important to her, let's see if they, as in the Soceity, would be willing to pay her bills.

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    Your health is really at risk here . . . and you'll get nowhere if you don't protect it.

    Added to that is the fact that you appear to have reached a point where no quarter will be given . . . and hard decisions will need to be made.

    You need to assemble an appropriate support structure . . . a good and capable physician to monitor your health, and a lawyer first and foremost . . . and friends and family who can add moral support. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

  • rather be in hades
    rather be in hades

    take a look at this:

    Rick Ross Institute

    Rick Ross Institute Advisory Board

    Rick Ross Institute Legal Assistance

    I can't say for certain how much help this will be, but it looks like there might be information to help you. i don't have that much time, but i did google some of the names on the advisory board and they at least SEEM very legitimate. there's a few lawyers on the advisory board as well.

    don't take this as an endorsement of that institute. i haven't done much research on it myself, but i definitely encourage you to. like i said, it seems very legitimate and apparently rick ross has spoken at upenn, uchicago and some other prestigious places.

    one of the advisory board members is ford greene who is a lawyer from california who specializes in cult related litigation. maybe he can at least point you in the right direction as far as lawyers to go with in your state?

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    double post

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    Wow, sad to see it happening to you.

    Remember to take care of yourself, and it doesn't matter if you want to: you NEED to get some cardio, sleep, healthy diet, etc. regularly, just to maintain your emotional health (not enough of those WILL cause a downward spiral). And if that's not working, don't be ashamed to seek help!

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