Umm Hi (page 5)

XBEHERE

Interesting story, welcome to the board. I am also an active elder who was on a similar course as you about 12-15 years ago. Assembly parts, pioneer with wife, CO's pet, etc. Of course I didn't have the emotional issues that you seem to have based on your comments.

I started turning down things theocratically when I realized that many elders are in it for themselves, for their own glory, it was all a game of politics and I was an ass kisser. Not wanting to be an ass kisser I said f*ck it and told the CO's to piss off. I was labeled as a "bad attitude" I was stripped of being the PO in my congregation, stripped of being in the "know", and was forgotten. Which was fine for me because by then I had decided that there was something up with this religion. Then about 10 yrs ago I realized that this org allows children to be raped and it is covered up. That was it for me emotionally.

Anyway, sorry for hijacking your thread. I wish you the best in your endeavours. Stay here, go up to you.

Killa

Lol at afflicting pain on gays. Now that I think of it I have never hurt a homosexual. The only times I "did" was while roleplaying and acting out my past, and it was mutual. They quite enjoyed it.

Killa

at Milola: hahaha

besty

http://www.jw.org/assets/m/ijw12fr/502012377/ijw12fr_id-502012377_E/502012377_E_cnt_1.pdf

Killa

Fernando: thanks

Killa

XBEHERE: thanks and Betsy: lmao!!

tornapart

Killa, I'm just interested to ask.. in your need to hurt others, emotionally if not physically, does it give you some kind of release from your pain? Like, if you start to confront your own pain something builds up inside you that you can't deal with and hurting someone else stops you hurting from your own pain? Also, by living as a 'good' JW and doing good to others inside and making them believe you are good, somehow gives you this 'safe and cosy' place to be where you won't be harmed? I'm just guessing here. Also, would you like to have a normal life like everyone else? To love and be loved, to be able to stop hurting others and not to have to pretend all the time. Or do you enjoy living like this? I'm sorry asking all these questions but it intrigues me.

Fernando

It is a pleasure Killa.

Some more thoughts that just came to mind:

Psychology uses "talking medicines" which unlike Psychiatric medicine (chems) actually has cured many from mental illness.

BTW if the bar is set at perfection we are all mentally ill. At the very least we all suffer from deeply irrational thinking, as any Psychologist well versed in CBT would be able to explain.

At the more critical end of the spectrum...

"It is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency."

Progressive Psychiatrist Stanislav Grof. Quoted at http://spiritualemergency.blogspot.com.au

KristiKay

My gosh, I have never been a JW, but I can't BELIEVE how bad it messes people up, I wish the other "worldies" would know more about how distructive this cult is and somehow be more pro-active. Most people just think they are a little wierd and annoying, but have no idea, it's scary.

Fernando

Killa, it seems you are keenly aware of your dysfunction/aberrance and able to admit it relatively openly here on JWN.

This is what I understand repentance to mean namely "awareness of dysfunction".

This is an awareness either granted or withheld by God.

God has therefore favoured you.

You are therefore also not evil.

Evil has been defined as "militant ignorance" and characterised as "malignant self-righteousness" by another progressive Psychiatrist, Morgan Scott Peck.

I have a hunch that God may be calling you...

...to a spiritual awakening...

...to healing...

...and into a personal relationship.

Umm Hi

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